Back after 4 years

[louise23]

Just logged in and apparently my last post was in June 2010 so 4.5 years on I guess my story has changed a lot.

Still have pcos (now there's a shocker bet you didn't guess that) still overweight (after having a few years a few stone lighter) and still childless.

Now the reason for the exit- I guess I used to post as me and partner were ttc, alas the best thing in the world happened to me- I found him in bed with someone else (skinnier, younger, prettier... But with the moral compass of a toad - and that's a de service to toads!) I left our half built home within an hour... Realised that our relationship was deal along time ago and I had kind of just became a shadow of myself in the relationship and wasn't who I was anymore.

I got back on my feet, had a wild year with single friends and got my second degree and then met a man that makes me more happier than I have ever been.

I'm going along happy and was ok with being childless, having lots of fun and feeling that it would be such a lifestyle changer having a child that I started to look at the negatives of a parenthood that I never understood when some of my friends used to shy away from parenthood would say a few years ago. Today a colleague and friend told me she was pregnant (everyone has been pregnant in my office over last couple of years and usually I am genuinely fine and happy for them) but for some reason (I'm working from home) I burst into tears after. I think it's because we always used to be the two who shied from holding baby's in the office saying "we don't do small baby's" wouldn't hold them etc and now she has a baby in her tummy and I'm left empty. I feel so guilty for having those thoughts and of course I am happy for her. It I guess my emotions took me by surprise. This is especially as this doesn't usually happen at all- I have a large group of 9 friends whom I have grow I up with since primary and are very close with and all but one has family's now- one is even pregnant with her 5th child and not once have I had these feelings. I also work as a child's social worker and have worked in child protection removing children and also in adoption and again even when faced with really unfair situations have never had these feelings.

Maybe I feel lie I'm getting old and my time is running out...

Sorry to rant rather than introduce myself xxx

[Hols969]

I did the same as you to a degree, but then decided I would go for it as I would be unhappy if I hadnt at least tried. You are now with a different man (It may well have been your previous partner has part of the issue). Is your new partner happy to have no kids or are you just presuming its a no go because of you. My hubbie had sperm issues too so I thought it was no hope but Noah is now 9 and the best decision I ever made really to keep trying. I couldnt do it a 2nd time though but am blessed with him. Maybe subconsciously your body is suggesting to try it again with your new man....

[louise23]

Hi Hols sorry for late reply- possibly I need to lose weight before I have treatment as my bmi is too high at the moment it will take me a while but I am struggling to lose weight which makes me question my motivation it's just such a vicious circle isn't it! I don't think it was previous partner as he had his fertility tests but I am grateful that I didn't end up having a child with him. My new partner has problems with orgasming and cannot do so through intercourse. When I first met him he could only come by his own hand but now I can do this but still not through intercourse therefore we will need full ivf for the sperm to meet the egg (said in take me out voice!) xx thank you for your reply. I've been surprised at how quiet this forum is these days it used to be very very busy- are people on Facebook groups or something now?

[Hols969]

Yes lots on Facebook now - I use the pcos (cysters in the uk) group as it's really friendly - come and join us !!