what did you choose to do?

[Kat23]

Hi all,

recently found out through another scan that our baby has died and never grew from the earlier scan. We've been given the option of either miscarrying naturally or having surgery, so just wondering what option any of you decided and what were pros and cons?

thanks
xx

[debs29]

Hi Kat,

So sorry to hear your news - it is devastating and no words are enough to express how sad I feel to hear your news. As for what to do - it is a very personal choice but I chose a medicated miscarriage - basically the miscarriage was drug induced and then you miscarry naturally. This was the best decision for me. Do they offer this at your hospital?

I'm not sure which I would pick out of natural or surgery - so I can't help you there. You have to think about what is best for you coping wise and for moving on in the future.

If you have any questions about the drugs or anything please let me know.

Thinking of you

Debbiexxxx

[Doobykat]

{{{hugs}}} Kat, really, really sorry to hear your news
I've been there & know how hard it is x x
My choice - both times - has been to let nature run its course. The first time round, I was advised to do so by the gynae, as I was already bleeding & she felt it wouldn't be long until things happened anyway. Plus she felt it to be the safest option - even though an ERPC is pretty safe these days, there is still a small chance of damage to the uterine lining.
The second time round, I found out at my Nuchal scan at just shy of 14w that my baby had recently died. Again, I was urged to take the natural route with the help of a medically managed miscarriage (where they give you drugs to induce labour). The reason that time round was due to there being a over whether an ERPC would be effective, given the size of the baby
For me personally, the main pro of the natural route, is that it allows you to come to terms with your loss more gradually. You have time to absorb the news while waiting for things to happen, and time to grieve when it does happen. I can imagine with an ERPC that it could come as a bit of a shock, one minute you're awake and pregnant, the next you're waking up and it's all over. Though I do understand that for many women, this is preferable.
The cons are that it can be a messy process (depending on how far along you are) and physically it is a mini labour that you'll go through. Generally speaking, the further along you are, the tougher (& more like labour) it will be.
Please feel free to ask on this thread, or PM me, if there's anything else you'd like to know

Thinking of you.
x x x

[Kat23]

Hi Debs and Dooby,

Thank you for your kind words and helpful responses and I am very sorry about your losses. I'm still very much blaming myself and thinking that it is because of me although I know this is irrational. I am currently flipping through thinking oh well at least it can happen, to am I ever going to be a mum and seem to have waves of devastation and then coping ok.
I haven't been told about the medicated option but I will ask about it.
I have been thinking more along the lines of the surgery as I am worried it will take a long time and I just want it to be over now, I don't think I could face the constant reminder, but I also understand that it may help the grieving process more so that's why it s a difficult one. It seems I have to decide today as well, one thing I was worried is if natural whether I would still need to have the surgery anyway. I know it seems silly but I also worry about work and time off, although I know this shouldn't really affect my decision.

thanks for listening
xxxxx

[Kat23]

They do not do medicated in our area so have decided to go for the surgery, thanks for your help
xxx

[gemstone83]

I have only just seen this Kat and I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. It is truly devastating. My first two were very early on about 6 weeks and I had them naturally. My third was similar to Dooby and was at my 13week scan. I was due to go to a very close friends wedding two days later and opted for the erpc. I was so glad I did all the staff were exceptionally kind and even though I was worried they would think I was having an abortion clearly they did not. I have to say that just before I was due to go down my waters broke and to be honest I found this traumatic and do not think that I could have coped with a natural passing.

Sending lots of love and if you need to talk you can always pm me xx

[debs29]

Glad you have made a decision - I think I would have opted for this too out of the choices you were given.

Thinking of you xxxxxx

[Kat23]

thanks everyone, I had to wait for surgery until Monday, however I miscarried over Fri and yesterday. After a lot of pain I feel better now its all over. I still need to go and get checked out, but hoping its all done now so we can move on,
thanks for your support
xxx

[Doobykat]

The body is a funny old thing, isn't it?
Last time round, I had to wait for a week after the scan for my mum to come home after her hols (I needed someone to look after Erin) before I could start treatment for the medically managed route. The doctor I saw after the scan did pre-warn me that I may go on to miscarry within the week, as a lot of the time, once you know & accept it, the body lets go.
I didn't believe her at all, I'd had none of the signs of miscarriage (bleeding etc) that I'd had the first time round. But sure enough, on the Saturday (5 days after the scan) I started bleeding. I went into the hospital on the Sunday to be given my first lot of meds and in the early hours of Monday morning, my waters broke & I went on to miscarry at home, without the need for the second lot of drugs (due on the Tuesday).
I did still go in to the hospital on the Tuesday anyway, as they wanted to be sure that the miscarriage was complete (it wasn't, as it turned out, there was still some tissue (likely placenta) remaining inside, but that too resolved itself within the week) which is more than likely what the hospital want to do for you.
Glad you're feeling better now, it is a relief in some ways to have it all ver with, isn't it?
x x x

[Kat23]

Hi Dooby,

sorry to hear about your experience having your waters break must be an awful experience, but yes did seem my body was letting go once my mind had come more to terms with it, as on the day it happened I had a dream we were saying goodbye to our baby. I felt relief when it was all over and thought I was feeling better, although seems that may have just been getting over the physical trauma. now I seem to have moved on to the emotional again, moving from being ok to then distraught to angry and resentful. I feel exhausted simply from all these emotional episodes.

I also am surprised how I was left from the hospital, no one talked to me properly at all, I was left waiting for ages, placed in scanning areas with pregnant women excitedly talking about their babies (should really be used to being treated like this by now, don't know why it surprises me) , and then I had to wait for a doctor to discharge me who didn't even speak to me, and neither did the nurse properly who spoke to me. I now don't know what happens next, all they said was take a preg test in 10 days, but what do I do either way now?
xxx

[Doobykat]

Hi Kat,

I think that's fairly commenplace unfortunately, to have all the scanning done in one area of the hospital It's certainly the case for ours (Bedford) & I know other ladies have mentioned this too. It can come as a bit of a shock (& a slap in the face if you're not expecting it). Sorry you had to experience it though. It's not easy to sit with pregnant women, knowing you've just lost your baby
Your discharge sounds like a similar experience to mine, albeit the doctor was very kind & the nurse likewise. Neither of them spoke to me during the scan & I was fearing the worst (that the baby was still inside me, despite all the bleeding) but did go into a bit more detail afterwards - a small piece of retained tissue & a lot of free fluid left in the womb (indicating more bleeding to come). They also advised to take a pregnancy test a week after the bleeding stopped, which I did... but it still came back as a blaring +ve. What they don't tell you is the further along you are, the longer it can take the HCG levels to fall back to zero. It can be an indicator of retained tissue though, so if it does still come back as +ve, it's worthwhile going to see your GP. But otherwise, it's just a case of waiting it out & waiting for your body to recover & get back on track. Ironically, it took my body a lot less time after my later m/c to get back on track cycle-wise than it did my earlier m/c!!
As for the emotional rollercoaster you're experiencing, that's also perfectly normal & to be expected. Part of it is down to the massive hormonal upheaval going on in your body. The rest is down to the grieving process that every one of us who has had a loss experiences. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. I promise you, it does get easier x x

[Kat23]

Hi Dooby,
thank so much for your advice, I really don't know what I would do without this forum, especially through this. it does seem that m/c is so little talked about, evenby professionals when you're experiencing it, and the internet seems to be the one place I've learnt about what i'm going through. Do you mind me asking how long it took for your cycle to come back? i'm just worrying that with pcos and no meds that it will take a really long time. I have however recently started met again.
thanks
xx

[Doobykat]

Hi Kat,
Ask away, I don't mind at all
First time round, it took about 2 months after the bleeding & spotting had stopped for my first period to start.
The second time round, it took about 3 weeks once the bleeding & spotting stopped. I also chart, so it was a bit easier to understand what my body was up to. I had clear signs of ovulation a week after the bledding & spotting stopped, and lo & behold, 2 weeks later, AF arrived!
Metformin works wonders for me - it's what got my cycle up & running at the beginning of my ttc journey when not much else (weight loss, accupuncture, herbal remedies etc) had worked. I started back on Met as soon as I knew about each failed pregnancy & I'm sure it's what helped in getting back on track soon afterwards each time too.
x x

[Kat23]

thanks dooby, wow I hope my cycle gets back that quick and that I have the ov signs, it does seem already that the bleeding has really decreased so hopefully won't be long and it will stop. I'm waiting on my thermometer, before I had duo but that's now run out
xx