How do you know?

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

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How do you know?

Postby becki_o » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:59 pm

My husband and I have been TTC for 2 years and my old GP was really encouraging but I don’t like the hospital I have been referred to. I basically need to loose 2 stone before they will give me Clomid and even though I have 28/29 day cycles I do not ovulate and they have just told me that Clomid is the way forward for us now. I have to go back in May for a follow up and, if I have lost enough weight, get a prescription. I know that I suffer really badly with PMT and can easily get depressed so am not looking forward to it – that’s if I loose the weight!!

I made a semi – flippant comment to my husband about giving up and trying to adopt and he replied by saying think about it properly and then tell me why you want to adopt... well, I am thinking about it and I really think it is something I would rather do. How do you know if it’s the right decision? My husband wants to do it and has always said he wants to even if we did have our own biological children. I don’t want to go through clomid or the IVF route as I know I will turn into an evil person – I can’t even go on the pill without turning crazy! Is that just selfish? Then I think that we are fairly well off, have a nice home and are in a very loving and stable relationship with a great network of family and friends and we could give a child or children a childhood they might not have otherwise. I don’t know why but it just feels right, does that sound crazy?

Sorry, there wasn’t really a point to this post – am just needing to put my thoughts into words. :)
Trying to get BMI to 35 so I can have Clomid

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Re: How do you know?

Postby gemstone83 » Fri Mar 23, 2012 3:18 pm

Hi Becki

You sounds in a similar position to my and my husband. We also have always talked about adpoting before we even tried to conceive and we decided that was something we wanted to do.

I am currently on Clomid and have suffered with depression in the past including an OD and found the first month on clomid quite hard. Having said that I increased my exercise (everyday while I was taking it) and the next two months have not been too bad at all. Yes I still have mood swings if I do not exercise but I am not depressed.

At the moment I feel a little too young and a little too optimistic to give up on having our own biological child - the main reason being you need to have stopped trying for a least a year before being considered for adoption. I do not feel that I have reached my limit. Somedays I do but the majority of the time I still feel strong enough to carry on. However realising that we will adopt at some point and talking opening about it has actually spurred me on with trying as I know that no matter what I will have children in my life.

Anyway just wanted to say good on you and wish you all the very best xxxx
TTC since June 2010
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Re: How do you know?

Postby Hols969 » Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:49 pm

mmmm fostering or adoption is not an easy route by any means and, in my opinion is pretty darn awful to be honest, the things they ask are actually of no relevance (my hubbie and I met in 1993 and married in 1995) and they wanted to know my sexual history prior to that .... erm why (and his)? They also want you to have stopped trying for a baby for a considerable amount of time. We actually withdrew from the process in the end because it is very black and white and it seems like common sense has disappeared. It can take 18 months plus to manage to adopt as well so it is by no means an easy alternative, it is in some ways like TTC with highs and lows. Also did you read Tatie's story on her adoption where it didnt work out ..... The majority of children have had some form of abuse as well whether it is physical, sexual or mental so you are dealing with 'not the norm', it is also pretty rare to be able to adopt a baby as well.

Sorry didnt want to put a downer on your thoughts but we just found it a very very difficult and intrusive time (when we are a normal, happy couple, who are not perves etc) and they make it as difficult as possible for you to keep the umph going as you want to provide a child with a happy home which is why you do it in the first place.
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Re: How do you know?

Postby LittleDot » Tue May 08, 2012 9:42 pm

Hi Becki,
We've had a much more positive experience of the adoption process. Yes it is intrusive, the questions are set, but it is a system that we have no power to change, the social worker has to do their job, so we were determined to jump through the hoops to reach our goal - parenthood. These children have already had a terrible start to life so social workers have to ensure the utmost stability or it's their head on the block. Unfortunately the press only show the bad bits. The social workers do represent the children so it is a bit like going for a job but if you strike up a positive rapport they will work with you to get you approved. Our social worker was fab!

It's taken us the 8 months they say it should take from prep course (5 days of training and network building), home visits and approval panel. We took it all in our stride, set aside all the issues that were out of our control, worked with the system and at the end of it now have over 100 pages of our life in black and white. Not many people have their life story in front of them. Was great to see how we've got through the lows and celebrated the highs.

We were told on training course, parenting adopted children is not the typical parenting but has an added layer of which support networks are out there with any dilemma you may come across.

You can step out of the process at any point if you feel it's not right. Please cast aside anything you cannot change or control (the system and issues with society), make your own judgements and go with the flow. I can't explain it but you will know if it's right for you.
me 30, DH 32
Dec83-Diabetes type 1
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Apr07, July07, Aug07-Clomid 50mg, OVed-BFNs
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