how do adoption agencies view prev. counselling?

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how do adoption agencies view prev. counselling?

Postby custard82 » Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:51 am

I am wondering what ppl think about how an adoption agency would view someone who has undergone counselling? i have no specific mental health issues, just somethings i should let go of, a little prone to get too stressed by things & want to improve how i handle stress. I am considering counselling, but worried that it might not be viewed positively. any views?



background for those interested :) :

we are currently on clomid (8th month!), TTC for 2 years, have PCOS & rarely ovulate without treatment. even if we are lucky enough to have our own biological child, we are interested in adopting, as we would like at least 2 children, and would love to parent a child regardless of whether we were their biological parent.

we appreciate, that quite righlty we would be asked to wait some time after any fertility treatment, before we could be considered. we are 32 & 34 so could wait a while before registering interest.

as part of our journey, we have already made lots of big lifestyle changes, & we have worked hard to become healthy & more relaxed. i have also quit my job with long hours & stress & now work p/t from home. however, whilst i think i could be a good parent i have a few hangups from the past that i want to work on - not to transform myself into a perfect parent - but so i can be a better parent. i am considering an intensive counselling course (the hoffman process) to kick start this, let go of some old stuff & improve the way i deal with what life throws at me.
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Postby Hols969 » Fri Jan 22, 2010 10:10 am

I cant see that it would be a problem, I think if anything its not burying your head in the sand which is good as you are happy to ask for help etc if need be. Mental health issues are pretty common so I dont see why it would be an issue.
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Postby tatie » Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:43 pm

Custard - read my thread - it's called Anyone starting adoption process. Also note that I started that thread less than six weeks after having a miscarriage on my third IVF cycle so we didn't wait too long after deciding to stop our fertility treatment. If you are a Verity member you will have read my Article on moving on from Fertility Treatment to Adoption in the latest issue of the In Touch magazine.

Anyway - have the counselling. I had a full blown nervous breakdown some years ago and our Social worker thought the counselling and therapy I had were a real positive. It shows that you're willing to ask for help, have made progress and learnt from your experience and means that you have already dealt with anything that could otherwise crop up and cause you trouble later on. I had psychotherapy for a year and he couldn't have been more interested - he was really positive about it and, if I hadn't already done it, then the adoption process could well have triggered some of the childhood issues which had caused me the trouble in the first place. Also, when my DH and I decided to give up fertility treatment we had counselling together then and again, this was a real positive when it came to preparing for adoption. It showed that we really were ready to move on - our counsellor was an extra reference in our final report. Please do not worry about this - so long as you can find the strength to discuss it openly with a Social Worker and take the view that you gained something from it and solved some issues I think it's a really positive thing. It also demonstrates that if you adopt a child that has problems you can't solve then you have experience of the kind of help that might be available to support them and that you would be open to that kind of help and support for your child.

Hope this reassures you

Tatie x
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Postby PurdeyGirl » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:19 pm


I agree with Tatie. Have the counselling. I've had several periods of counselling over the years; predominantly to do with life with my father who has full blown reactive attachment disorder down to a chaotic early life and years in the care system in the 1930s and 40s. I also had counselling when I was diagnosed with MS in 2003. Like Tatie, our SW seemed to view it as a positive thing - that I had recognised I had issues and had acted positively to address them. As long as you're open and honest with the SW, I'm sure they will understand. One of my favourite maxims - people who don't make mistakes don't make anything and anyway, its not how you drop the ball, its about how you pick it up again and what you learned from the process.

Good luck and best wishes.
Married for nearly 20 years. Childless and coming to terms with it.

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