selfish post - first SW visit

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Postby emski87 » Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:06 pm

I too have read her autobiography, thought it was great xx

Really "nice" "good" to see that us "normal" people aren't the only ones who have to suffer to get through all the hoops xx
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Postby Hols969 » Wed May 06, 2009 2:26 pm

I still think her BMI was over what was aloud as she was pretty big still when she adopted her daughter.
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Postby rumham1 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:31 pm

Hi All

I have read all the posts re: 1st sw visit. I can understand both points of view. Social workers will take into account BMI's, however I didn't realise it was as low as 30, given the nature of PCOS etc.

It might be worth re-approaching the agency with information about PCOS and also suggest they speak to your GP who will (during your assessment be asked to write a report about your suitability to adopt).

Also don't only deal with one agency there are alot out there and the usual guidelines are any agency nationally, not just social services but voluntary agencies as well e.g. father hudsons, barnardos etc. It is ideal to liaise with agencies within a 50 mile radius of where you are currently living.

Social Services are governed by UK law but within the law there are guidelines and these are flexible, therefore each agency will work differently and will have different opinions about what they think and what their policies state.

It is a good idea to ring a few, get a feel for which agency you like to deal with and see if they will take you on. Provide them with information about PCOS and be calm! I know it is difficult, but social workers see and speak to alot of people everyday and sometimes can make the odd quick judegment.

Once they have said yes to taking you on they would then send you on training courses first which are a superb insight into what to expect from the children who require adopting and the issues they face and the history they already have.

Adoption can be very rewarding but none the less alot of the children have experienced foetal alcohol or foetal drug issues which they have usually been weaned off and not all children have these issues but for children in care this is a real possibility.

After your training which may only happen once every six months, you will then start the home studies or "assessment", which will be a array of meetings between you and the social worker who will compile the prospective adopters report ready for your panel date at the end. In between all this your GP will be asked to provide a medical report (following up to date medicals), this will be all be taken into consideration by the panel.

In relation to medical history the panel and social workers are looking for families who are healthy, whose health isn't likely to affect their ability to care for a child long term (i.e. if you adopted a young child they will require a 40 year gap, but an older child probably nearer an 18 year gap where it is unlikely your health will cause major problems). Realising no-one can guarantee this of course, but they have to do their best to make sure they are making the correct judgements for the "best interests of the child".

I would highly recommend contacting Adoption UK an independent self-help group that can offer confidential information and support on these sorts of issues.

As a member of Verity, I can understand and appreciate both sides of the coin but getting advice is essential, hence the reason we all come to Verity for mutual support and a chat amongst those people who understand what we are all going through.

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Postby Vedrana » Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:33 pm

Hi Guys, I realize this topic was here a long time go but i was just reading around and i coudl not help but write how angry this made me. BMI being an issue when adopting??? I dont live in the Uk and i had no idea about that.... But it makes me angry! i find it discriminating! It is just like not giving the chance someone to be a parent because of the skin color and if that was the case it would be all over the news and such. Why does some extra pounds make u an unfit parent? I just cant believe it!
Here is just one sugjestion i dont know how it works and if it does but could u try to adopt in a different country if thay wont let u in the UK???
VeDrAna :)
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Postby tatie » Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:40 pm

Hi guys - hoping to inject a positive spin on this issue.

We are half way through the process of being approved as adoptive parents. We are working with Solihull Borough Council. I was really worried about the weight issue. Classic PCOS story and a BMI of 37. I decided to go and talk to my GP about it in advance of my medical which is due to take place in the first week of September. The form they have to fill in does ask for BMI but it also gives the doctor the opportunity to comment if the BMI is above 30. My GP has said that he will point out how difficult weight control is with PCOS, he will praise the fact that I have kept my weight stable for over three years (in fact I've lost two stone) and will point out that he has never had to treat me for any weight related health condition (high blood pressure, diabetes, joint trouble etc). He has also said that he will comment on the fact that I am very well informed about PCOS and that he believes that my regular glucose tolerance tests and current diet will keep my weight under control. I have talked to the Social Worker about this and he responded positively and said that with the support of the doctor, my BMI could not prevent us from adopting unless there were serious concerns relating to it and my ability to look after a child. He has reassured me that taken into consideration alongside the comments of our referees and the huge amounts of other information he is collecting, I really should not worry about it.

We'll see if this proves to be the case in the end but, for now, I'm greatly reassured and am not concerned about my BMI preventing us from adopting.

I guess it does depend on the Council you are working with and the previous advice about approaching more than one does make sense. We were lucky that the one we originally chose seem to have a sensible outlook on big mothers!

Good luck to all

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Postby Hols969 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:42 am

Im so excited for you tatie, do keep us informed. xx
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Postby Grimbal » Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:56 am

Hi guys,
I haven't posted for a long long time as I was just too upset over this whole issue. I'm really pleased for those that have been allowed to continue with higher than desired bmis, and grateful for the advice that has been given. Unfortunately, the SW has refused to even allow us to start any proces whatsoever until we get down to a bmi of 30. No arguments, no leniency.
As I said, fantastic if you're lucky enough to be with a LHA that has an enlightened view on these things, but the end of the world and your dreams if you're not

TTC since June 07. Involuntarily childless: clomid 5x 50mg all BFN. BMI>30 = no to adoption too :O(
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Postby Auntie Sar » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:18 am

From a scientific point of view BMI is pretty inaccurate. Grimbal could easily be healthier with a BMI of 35 than some people are with a BMI of 28. If being overweight affects your ability to be a good mother then a lot of babies need to be taken into care urgently. :roll:

I really feel for you being dismissed like this. Are you going to try another agency now?

Good luck

Last edited by Auntie Sar on Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Hols969 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:01 am

Yes I agree Sar, I dont know why they are so obsessed with BMI, it has been proven not to be the bee all and end all!!
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Change adoption agency

Postby PurdeyGirl » Tue Jul 28, 2009 3:14 pm

Hi. My DH and I have been down this road so I know how heartbreaking it can be. I've already done a long post on adoption - adoption experience and advice - in this section which outlines our background and the outcome of our experience but I strongly suggest you go to an outside agency e.g. St Francis' Childrens Society or Dr Barnardos or CORUM. They're MUCH less likely to be bogged down by political dogma. They generally have a far better understanding of these issues and are more flexible. You'll also get much better training and support. Although we ended up pulling out of the process, I wouldn't say anything against the agency that we worked with. The agency couldn't have been more supportive.

We met a woman whose local authority turned her down. She has now adopted several children through the agency.

Don't give up; just widen your scope a bit. Hope it works.
Married for nearly 20 years. Childless and coming to terms with it.

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Postby barnsleywiccan » Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:01 am

This really angers me to read that you were turned await for being overweight/high BMI. Having a condition that makes loosing weight difficult, conceiving naturally difficult or impossible the cheeky t**ts then turn round and say no because you are not "slim" enough. Disgusting.

Goes back to my problem of not being able to leave parents house because salary far too low despite loads of years experience in my field of work and good qualifications etc, but because I am not foreign, a druggy, alchi or unemployed mother of 3, I cannot get any financial support or council house to be even able to send off for adoption forms so I feel stuck in a rut for that. My BMI is currently only 27.5 but only diagnosed in January and BMI was 23.4 last year!! So if I got a house to live in while my BMI is still "acceptable" then I am ok, or if I waited till I can actually afford to leave home, who knows what my BMI might be?! It makes me sick!!! Sorry x x x
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Re: selfish post - first SW visit

Postby fertilitydr » Sun Feb 20, 2011 1:51 am

Grimbal wrote:morning ladies, apologies for this selfish post but am feeling very stressed and anxious today.

After submitting our forms about 2 months ago, we have our initial SW visit this afternoon (4pm). I know that they're going to raise bmi as a cause for concern, but I'm really hoping that they won't just dismiss us on the spot or give us a "deadline" weight loss target. I've been irritable, snappy & just generally no fun to be around & have just had an argument with Mr.G. I am sitting here at work almost bursting into tears as I type this.
Does anyone have any experience & advice that they can offer on how to get through this initial meeting, especially with relevence to my particular worries please ?

thanks !


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