Am I being selfish?

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Am I being selfish?

Postby Louise8455 » Fri Jun 13, 2014 10:57 pm


I am 28 and was diagnosed with pcos almost 5 years ago, my partner and I have been actively trying for 3 years with nothing.
As my hormone results were coming back as normal and my weight was at a constant level our doctor advised my partner to get a sperm count something he never considered as he has a child fro a previous relationship, well he's had two tests done and they've both come back well below average, the doctor will now only refer us to a private specialist that costs hunders because my partner has a child, the doctor asked if he was sure the child was his, his honest answer was no, he was very young (one night stand) but he never even considered questioning the fact he wasn't the father he loves being a dad he'd probably say it's the thing he's most proud of in the world but for me this for me has brought up emotions I never thought I could have I want him to have a DNA to make sure the child is his, he's not even on the birth certificate, it means the difference to get a referral now or wait years till we can afford.
We had a talk and have agreed thst it's best he not question the DNA as not to upset the mother and the child as she's old enough to understand, he thinks she'll think he doesn't want her.
But what if he's not I just no I'm going start resenting the fact that we just don't know for definite why should I have to wait we'll never be able to afford IVF, I feel so selfish and so Alone...
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Re: Am I being selfish?

Postby Hols969 » Sat Jun 14, 2014 4:26 pm

Goodness what a difficult situation.... How old is his child? I do find it odd that he is not on the birth certificate, does he pay child support for the child? Thing is now that it has been mentioned their may well be a niggle there now wondering if it is his child and I am sure there are ways around getting it done with the child being non the wiser (unless the mum says something). I think would niggle at me I have to say as even if it came back negative, he can still be the childs dad, blood is not everything!!

The thing is do you ever think you could afford it??? as that is the main question and I know lots of us couldn't afford to go down that route. It may be worth seeing what is involved cost wise (as may not mean IVF), IUI is another option (my son is 8 and an IUI baby) and this is considerably cheaper. My hubbies sperm was below average as well but he took the Boots Vit C and zinc tablets and it improved my hubbies by over 100% and was then above average. I do find it very unfair that because your partner has children it then limits your choices for a baby of your own, as often a woman has a bigger desire to have a child than a man, but I know that is not uncommon. I think the first thing I would do is get costs for a test to check that your tubes are clear (HSG I think its called) as it could well be that one of your tubes is blocked so could be easily rectified and is done there and then (it can be done as a laparoscopy as well if you needed other tests) but can be done on its own, it is not comfortable I believe but is very quick.

And no its not selfish at all....
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Re: Am I being selfish?

Postby Louise8455 » Sat Jun 14, 2014 6:52 pm

thanks for the reply...

I have been with my partner for 11 years I got with him just as he found out that he was going be a dad. He made it very clear that he was not emotionally evolved with the babies mother but would pay his way and has paid for her since the day she was born, she's now 10. There have been a few head bumps with the mother like not being on the birth certificate she went to register without him and at the time you had to be married to get put on if you weren't present as they were not the father went down as unknown, but for the past year everything has been fine.
I never gave having a baby a second thought always do the right thing, school, college uni, good job always said 25 would be a perfect age and never even thought that there could ever be a problem just thought I could say right I'm ready let's go!
I'm so angry that I did all that what was the point, I know there are options like adoption but it's still not the same, I'm sick of seeing people poping out babies like it's a career and not really wanting them. I even avoid spending time with family who have small children as I'm tired of the, it's you next or why haven't you got any, not one person had stopped and asked if we're okay.

I'm sorry for the ranting and thanks for the advice I will be picking up some vitamins!!
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Re: Am I being selfish?

Postby bexgray-burns » Sun Jun 15, 2014 10:12 pm

Hi Louise, I don't think you are being selfish at all. I know how it feels when there are people around you that are pregnant and its something that you desperately want. Especially when they are drinking and smoking throughout their pregnancy, I find it very hard to hold my tongue. It is hard when people suggest starting a family to you and its hard sometimes to not break down and cry. Stay strong chick.
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Postby Louise8455 » Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:16 pm

Hi again,

Just came on to have a little rant...I've been very sad this week, yet again my period came
(Getting worse each time, very heavy and lots of clotting)
Then too top off my mood I nip my friends for a brew and she tells me she's having a baby, I am over the moon and so excited for her but I get so upset and jealous when I see people having babies when the don't really want them, she never wanted her first (who's now 7) she's not very maternal and shows no love or affection, she's had two abortions in the past year and she still gets pregnant and I can't even have one!! Sometimes I feel like I must be a bad person for God not blessing me with children, I have to admit I went home and cried, which makes me feel even worse because I shouldn't feel so much jealousy about something I can't have!

Why is life so cruel? I have to remind myself that in all I am healthy and have my family who I love so much.

While I'm here, has anyone got any tips on how to deal with face acne?
My face is getting worse by the day, spots in my cheeks and jaw line and very oily I have been using an exfoliating gel and oil free moisturiser and I drink plenty of water each day, nothing seems to be working it's affecting my confidence through work, I asked the doctor and she mentioned metformin could reduce symptoms but my test results came back in normal range so she's not said about putting me on anything...anyone found something that works?

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