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Late miscarriage at 17 weeks

PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:17 pm
by Mrs_S
I was wondering whether anyone has had any experience of late miscarriage, particularly when suffering from PCOS?

I hope you don't mind me sharing my story. I was lucky enough to get a BFP after my second ICSI cycle in August. Despite almost constant spotting from 7 weeks to 12 weeks, every scan showed our little baby was developing well and doing what it should be. We went for our routine midwife appointment at 16 weeks and she struggled to find the baby's heartbeat but said this wasn't unusual at this stage. After some persuading from us, she rang the hospital and arranged a scan for later that afternoon. At this point we weren't really concerned. A couple of hours later, on the delivery suite, our world came crashing down when the scan showed that our little baby's heart had stopped. We were devastated. A few days later, we were admitted to the delivery suite to have the late miscarriage medically managed. After about 30 hours in labour, our perfect little baby was born sleeping. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do - made IVF seem like a walk in the park! Two weeks later we held a funeral for our precious baby because we wanted to make sure we gave it the best we possibly could.

I'm still really struggling to cope with what as happened and have not found many accounts of similar experiences. I just feel it's time to share my e pertinence with people who have been through something similar.

Re: Late miscarriage at 17 weeks

PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:10 pm
by Kat23
Hi Hun,

I just wanted to say how deeply sorry i am for your loss. Thinking about you and your other half (and your families) and hope you can both come together to help each other through it. I have had a miscarriage but mine was between 8-10 weeks, and that was devastating enough. Mine happened in July and i still cannot cope with what happened although things have got slightly easier, i still have very down days and have experienced flashbacks back to that time which are really scary. Now however i can't believe i managed to get through it and i do have some really good days and have been able to laugh and enjoy myself which i never thought i'd be able to do. It did take me a long time though and i have been avoidant of social situations, in fact i still am now with certain people. I found buying things in remembrance has helped me (i bought a teddy for him/her, have a ring to remember the happy times, want to get a memorial ornament, (we buried the baby in our garden, although for a while i couldn't bear to be parted from him/her). Lots of people also suggested the miscarriage association and i did find it helpful, although on the forum people don't seem to answer very quickly which can be frustrating when you feel like you need somewhere there. But they do have some helpful leaflets and advice on memorials etc. There are some specialist saying goodbye services too for those who want a religious way of saying good bye/remembrance.

Again i cant even imagine what you're going through, stay strong hun, and i hope you are surrounded by sensitive people (at times i have had really stupid things said which have angered me) xxx

Re: Late miscarriage at 17 weeks

PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 9:48 pm
by looey82
Hi Mrs S.
Just replied to your post on IVF buddies. I remember feeling like you that I wanted to talk to those who been through similar on here. It can feel like you're the only one to have gone through a late loss. I started this thread and it might be interesting to read through.? viewtopic.php?f=20&t=27054&hilit=Trying+again+after+second+trimester
Hope that link works. It's such a heartbreaking time, but you will get through it one way or another. I was referred for counselling by my fertility clinic and found that a life saver. Have you enquired about that? Take care xx

Re: Late miscarriage at 17 weeks

PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:44 pm
by Mrs_S
Hi Kat23 & Looey82,

Thank you for your replies. I have felt a bit lonely over the past few weeks, like I'm the only one who has experienced this and that anyone who hasn't doesn't understand. We had handprints and footprints to bring home along with photos and a memory box. We also got to spend time with our little one who looked just perfect - tiny but perfect. I think we found it particularly hard because we weren't very clued up on problems that could occur after 12 weeks - a bit naive really but you aim for the 12 week marker and assume it will be ok. We put the first outfit we bought straight after our 12 week scan along with a photo of us, a photo of our cats and a letter in the coffin with our baby so we would always be close. We collected the baby's ashes this week so our little one is now at home with us where it should be while we think of a special place to scatter them.

Looey, I will have a look at the thread you posted on - thank you for the link.. I am receiving support from the bereavement midwives at the hospital at the moment but may investigate counselling if I need it.

I have looked at the miscarriage association and have read a lot of their leaflets to Inform me ready for my follow up appointment.

I am currently avoiding anyone pregnant and can just about walk through a shop without panicking now!

Thank you both for your support.