Babies after MC

A safe haven for you to discuss losing a pregnancy and recurrent miscarriage

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Babies after MC

Postby espoir » Wed Sep 25, 2013 10:09 pm

I had a chemical pregnancy and MMC last year, before becoming pregnant with twins towards the end of the year and my babies are here now. The time of my MMC has just passed - it was such a stressful time, that I never grieved properly then, and just kind of blanked it all. Just recently, I have started thinking more and more about these MCs and I cannot help but wonder what those babies would have been, and then of course knowing that if they had been, then we wouldn't have our two precious babes. It's all so bittersweet. Has anyone else felt like this? Did it just pass eventually?
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby Fitch » Thu Sep 26, 2013 7:45 am

Hi espoir, congratulations on the birth of your twins!! I had tried for 6 years and had 3 misscarages before I had my son who is 10months old and am currently 24 weeks pregnant with my second!! I know how lucky and blessed I am but I, like you will never forget my babies that I lost and often wonder what they would look like, wether they would be like my son ect I think it got a little worse when my son was born as I had something to 'compare' too?? I also worried that I would forget my journey and the heartbreak that came with it. I am aware of how silly it sounds to be sad about something that never really was and especially since I have a healthy child but to me they will always be my babies and I will never forget them!! So In answer to your question yes I do feel the same and your right it is so bittersweet!!
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby Hols969 » Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:58 am

I think once you see your own baby it makes the mc more real somehow and what could have been and how they could have turned out, so to me it actually makes sense somehow.

Congrats on the twins, bet its hard hard work with two!!
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby Kat23 » Thu Sep 26, 2013 7:27 pm

congratulations on your twins, but so sorry for your losses. I can completely understand that it is almost bittersweet and would reinforce those emotions. I am so focused on getting pregnant again and obsessing about doing it before due date, that although i am devastated and cry regularly i don't think i have yet properly grieved or accepted it. I think you will gradually come to accept it and you need time to grieve and accept everything, but those feelings of loss and what would have been will probably never completely go. be kind to yourself xx
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby espoir » Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:50 pm

Thanks for sharing xx I guess as I'm off the TTC rollercoaster now I have more time to process and think over all that has happened these last few years. Fitch, I think you're right about being able to compare, the fact that I have my DS and now the babies, and can see how much the babies are different from him, makes me wonder how the others would have been. That's helped a lot, thanks xx
Kat - I read your other posts and I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes all our strength just to get through a cycle, and then just when you think you are on the way it is pulled from you. It's very, very hard. But you're right, you do have to grieve and just take the time to come to terms with thing. I hope when you're ready to go again that it will happen quickly and that you'll have a H&H pregnancy.
Fitch, all the best for the rest of your pregnancy xx
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby Kasha » Fri Sep 27, 2013 6:21 am

I can remember sitting on the anniversary of my mc just sitting and absolutely sobbing, despite having a newborn right next to me. I conceived Teaghan within a month of my mc so like you i never went through the whole greiving process at all. Even when it cam up to my 'due date' with the baby i lost, which i was dreading, i didn't feel too bad probably because i was pregnant at the time. It wasn't until afterwards really that i started to really process it. I did feel really guilty because if i had carried the baby i lost i wouldn't have had Tig. But it doesn't mean you love tou new baby any less. Of course i wonder what the baby would have been like, even now and its nearly three years ago.
You just have to be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve at the right time and pace for you.
Congrats on the twins, i bet they are keeping you busy :) lots of love xx
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby Sazwell » Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:05 pm

Espoir I have been doing exactly the same and been thinking more and more about everything.. And like Kasha I fell pregnant in the cycle after my erpc!
I have just gone passed the anniversary of my mmc and even look through the posts I wrote at the time on here. It's such a mixed of emotions especially having our babies in our arms and just feel blessed but very sad about what we lost!
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby missus griff » Tue Oct 08, 2013 10:25 pm

I know exactly where you are all coming from. The bittersweet feeling of having our beautiful children, but also feeling such loss and what might/should have been. Sometimes my mind takes me back to the awful times and I just go to pieces, so I try not to actually go back there if you know what I mean. So I don't think I have properly grieved as I just don't want to dig it all up. Always found it easier to lock it away somehow. I know my last mc was a male, so this kind of chokes me up as I know 'him' as a little boy and imagine what he might have been like. But then also know there was something wrong with him which is why he didn't make it. But then what if the others were healthy, but they didn't make it because I wasn't on the right medication. Then there is also what if the babies had survived, would I have my two girls now? I don't honestly think the feelings of loss will ever disappear as they will always be a part of us and who we are. Hugs to everyone xxx
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby espoir » Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:17 am

Sorry ladies, I hadn't seen the new replies. missus griff I feel exactly like you do - I also wonder if my medication being at the wrong dose was the responsible for at least my MMC, so like you I'm blocking that episode away as it's too hard to deal with. I guess I'm afraid that having just locked these feelings away they will come back one day. It helps knowing that I'm not alone.

Saz ((hugs))- my buddy through the early days of pregnancy after the MMC - thanks for all your support xx

Kasha, thanks for sharing - yes, I don't think we'll ever forget, but I think it's important to grieve. It's just a slight worry that I haven't really, but maybe it will happen in time. I'm sure you're kept busy with your 3 as well - I don't know whether it's better having 2 at the same age or whether it's better them all at different ages!
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby Sazwell » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:27 pm

Espoir I'm always here for you honey :-) xxx
Diagnosed PCOS 1998 - 2 rounds of clomid no o'v
150mg Clomid ov miracle BFP- Sept 08, Eptopic Oct 08
IVF #1March 09 BFN- short protocol IVF #2 long protocol BFP- 24/8/09 My miracle boy born 8/5/10- 2 blasts in the freezer!
May '12 FET 14.5.12 BFN 22.5.12
Awaiting next af to start Ivf #3 natural BFP 9.8.12 (shock????) no heartbeat mmc at 10weeks 21.9.12 x
Another natural miracle BFP 21.11.12?! (8 weeks after my erpc) x another miracle boy born 14.7.13 x
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Re: Babies after MC

Postby loachy » Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:57 pm

I have to say for me I never forget the child I lost and luckily i have photos of him because i was 22weeks pregnant.

I felt better after a year had passed before I fell pregnant with my twins. I dont think the pain ever leaves it just gets easier to cope with. I find milestones in my childrens life very hard, ie starting school, birthdays and xmas as i can see what i missed.
IVF BFP Aaron m/c 22wks 9/2/07
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