not coping

[Kat23]

I am feeling so low, alone and empty and i don't know what to do. I cant see any good in my life and i feel i have nothing to look forward to. I am trying to seem happy to everyone around me but its killing me inside. Sometimes i can be fine but other times like today and yesterday the pain is so unbearable i don't know how to manage, and i worry whether i can continue to cope at work and generally at life. People around me suggest counseling but I'm not sure it would help to talk about it. did anyone else find this or something else helped them with their loss? i know it will be a difficult journey, but just didn't expect to be so incapacitated by it all, thanks,

[littlelolly]

Hi Kat,

First of all I am so sorry to hear how much pain you are in and for your loss. Like you I suffered a loss this time last year and I can remember feeling exactly like you are feeling now. Somedays are better than others and even now after a year I still have times when I feel the need to have a little cry. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. The only thing I can advise is take the time you need to grieve, cry, get angry whatever helps you. Talk to your partner as he will be feeling the same as you. After it happened to me, we went away and spent some time away from everything, I know this isn't the answer but it may help you clear your mind. I also had to take some time off work but everyone is different. It will get easier i promise you, time is a great healer. I would suggest talking to someone or doing something just for you that will distract you. I spent a lot of time swimmjng and going out for long walks because this is what helps me when I feel low about things. Take as long as you need to grieve and be kind to yourself. I also found the miscarriage association very helpful. Try not to bottle things up, it is not healthy for you. Take care and PM me if you need to.

Lolly

[Kat23]

Thanks hun, and i am so sorry for your loss, it must be hard reaching the point of a year since the loss. i think that was a great idea to get away from everything, we did for a short weekend, wish we could have done longer. I took a few days off work when first heard but then returned, maybe in hindsight i returned a little too quickly but it helped at the time. I like your idea of exercise regime, think that is a good idea xx

[gemstone83]

Kat -big hugs xxxx It is so hard to carry on for everyone as if nothing has happened. I can honestly say that as soon as I stopped pretending I felt better. If I don't want to go to something that I think will upset me ie a baby shower, first birthday etc then I just politely decline. Due to the way my third miscarriage happened all my friends know and this has made my life easier. All except one friend has been more supportive and kind than I would have thought and that one person is no longer a friend.

I found giving myself focus was important and also took my diet and exercise as a focus for the first couple of months after my third loss and make it a positive change to aid me getting my take home baby as the healthier I am the more chance of success.

I think it is important to talk to someone who understands but it doesn't have to be a professional as I didn't find professional counseling that good for me. I preferred to put my money into reflexology and acupuncture.

Plus you can PM me anytime you need to xxx

[Kat23]

thanks gem, thats so kind, i think when i wrote this message was in one of my very dark days but since today I've started "self- talking" and managed to start being a bit more positive. thanks for the offer of pm, and please you also feel free to pm as well, i know you've had a really tough time and i really admire how positive you are. I def should focus on my diet and exercise, atm its out of the window and i know ive been eating rubbish food as coping/comfort food. i think after my time off i will get back on track just not quite ready just yet. xxx

[hope07]

Kat (((hugs)))

When I reached my lowest point, which if I'm really honest was close to breakdown I saw a professional counsellor and really found it helped. I saw one through occupational health at work but GPS can refer, really helped me.

There is also the miscarriage association who offer peer support.

It will hurt less as time passes, but in the mean time look after you xx