To a better year.. 2013!!!

[Amber]

HI Debbie

Hope you are okay, I have started bleeding today so any hopes I had are now gone. I am feeling absolutely drained by the whole thing. I went out cycling this morning and came back to find blood everywhere. My back is now aching and I feel sick to the core about it. I just now have to wait for it to really start bleeding. My enthusiasm to try again just is not there at the moment.

hope your day is better than mine

Amber xxx

[debs29]

Amber I am so so sorry to read your post. My heart goes out to you. I have been sitting here trying to think of something to say to you but there is nothing that I can say to make you feel any better. It is so so horrible and so close to your last MC that your sense of loss must be unbearable. All I can say is that I absolutely 100% understand how you must feel and I am here for you any time you need anybody. You mustn't worry about any enthusiasm to start trying again - you need to give yourself some time to come to terms with what has happened and just concentrate on you and your OH and try to come to terms with this together.

Big hugs and all my thoughts are with you - you know where I am

Debbiexxxxxxxx

[Amber]

Thanks Debbie - I am so gutted to say the least. I did have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning and wondering if it is still worth going to. Do I ask about recurrent miscarriage or am I just setting myself up for another source of stress? I know there is nothing physically wrong as in uterus shape etc because I have had all of those examinations and everything has been declared 'normal'. They wouldn't have let me go through IVF if there was I am sure. It always seems to be around the 6 weeks point that something goes wrong. It has been three times now. I am not accepting the 'too old' line as I do not feel too old and plenty of older women have healthy babies.

Amber xxx

[debs29]

HI Amber,

I think if I were you I would still go to the doctors appointment. I would mention your concerns. I don't think you will be setting yourself up for more stress, I think after this you will feel stressed when you fall pregnant again anyway. I would be very positive that your uterus etc is fine. I haven't really looked into it too much as like you it stresses me out I prefer to stay as positive as I can. However, I think after this you need to speak to some professionals to get some sort of answers, they may say something that allays for you fears for future.

You know your body really well - from the bleeding etc are you 100% that this will result in a MC? I have heard others who have had v heavy bleeding and it has not resulted in a MC.

I can only put myself in your shoes, but I can imagine how awful you feel right now - I am thinking of you
Debbiexxxx

[Amber]

Hi Debbie

By the time I got to A&E to report it, they did a test and it came back negative so I know it was too late. They questioned if I was pregnant but I know I was. You don't get AF symptoms for 3 weeks, then morning sickness, late of appetite, tiredness, sore boobs, enhanced sense of smell for nothing. They were exactly the same as before. I felt a bit insulted by the A & E staff about this. Luckily I still have the pain killers from last time and will just have to hope it isn't as bad as last time as it is earlier on. I am not yet bleeding heavily but know it will happen in the next 24 hours, probably when I am supposed to go to the Drs.

Amber xxx

[Amber]

HI Debbie

Just a quick update, I did go to my appointment this morning and the Dr was really helpful and has given me a referral for further investigation into recurrent miscarriage. She said it might be hormonal, a blood clotting problem or chromosonal but they will be able to investigate. If it is one of the first two then there are things they can do. I have to wait until the Easter holidays though for an appointment, so I guess it is my next project to investigate until then.

Amber xxx

[debs29]

Hi Amber,

I am astounded at the insensitivity of the A & E staff. Nobody knows their bodies like the person themselves - I also think us PCOSers are more in tune with our bodies especially when trying for a baby. I really hope the pain isn't too bad - it is so traumatic (another thing not understood by anyone else). I also hope for your sake it happens soon and is over quickly so that you can deal with what has happened.

I am glad your doctor is taking some action, although it is a while to wait for an appointment, it will give you time to grieve and get your mind focused on the next steps.

Take Care

Dxxxxxx

[Amber]

Thanks Debbie, last night was painful and hence I did not sleep very well due to the pain, it was different to last time in that all the pain seems to be in my back. I felt like someone had been given me a good kicking. I was so glad I had some pain killers from last time, it is coming back again now and it is making it hard to get my work done. At least I don't need any medical intervention and HCG levels are down already so my body will get straight back into a new cycle. This time I am going to stick with the maca root after getting pregnant to try and keep the hormones balanced. I am sure progesterone levels were low this time as I had so much EWCM for the two weeks after AF was supposed to arrive. Might have been stress from that horrible stats assignment last month too. Still at least I know I have past that now and won't have to do it again.

Sorry for rambling, I hope your next attempt is going better than mine.

Amber xxx

[Sazwell]

Amber x

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and so close to your last mc honey!! I'm glad your gp took you seriously and have sent you for tests. I can't believe how you were treated by a&e?!?! I hope you can get some clear answers from the tests as the not knowing or inconclusive can be sometimes a lot harder to deal with. I'm sure you have lots of support around you and we are all here for you honey ((((massive hugs)))) xxx

[Amber]

Thanks Sazwell, I have a feeling that it might have been low progesterone levels as I had masses of EWCM in weeks 5 & 6. I know stress really affects my progesterone levels and I was surprised to conceive as I was really stressed last month due to this horrible statistics assignment. Usually in that situation I would get a short luteal phase and that would be it. I think I have read somewhere that for those who have luteal phase defects can be more at risk of miscarriage. A

I have now more serious deadlines until the end of April now so will be able to chill out more and I am getting back on the maca root to get my cycles back to normal.

hope you are doing okay

amber xxx

[debs29]

Hi Amber,

Don't worry about rambling - that is what we are here for! I lso feel your loss badly for you - we have chatted so much and we both so needed a happy ending. I can't wait til we have our chats away from the pregnancy loss boards! How are you today? How is your pain?

Glad you have a plan with the maca root - does this help with progesterone???

Debbiexxxx

[Amber]

Hi Debbie

I am okay now but had a painful session during the night along with a lot of bleeding so I was awake for sometime. I was so tired yesterday and only made it half way through my evening course. I didn't wake up untilafter 9 this morning either. Luckily Tuesdays are home study days.

Maca root is an adaptogen which helps the body balance the hormones. It doesn't contain any hormones itself though. It comes from South America and has long been used by the indigenous people to improve fertility (fertility is impaired at high altitudes). It is also good for improving energy levels. For me it has made a real difference taking it along with the other changes in my life. My skin is so much clearer now and mentally I feel much better. Since using it I have got more EXCM before ovulation too. You have to start off with small amounts and gradually build it up. To start with my skin did flare up but then it went away and since then has been so much better with the only flare up after my miscarriage at the end of November last year. At the moment I am okay. There hasn't been any research into taking it during pregnancy so the cautionary advice is to stop taking it, however after further investigation I have found talk about it being used by the indigenous population in the Andes to prevent miscarriage. Low progesterone levels have been a problem for me in the past especially when stressed and I have a feeling this might have been the case this time so I might as well try it next time. The other alternative is to use the cyclogest I have in the bathroom cupboard. However there may be other hormones involved that haven't been found or studied medically which maca works on. I did try using cyclogest in the past to get around my luteal phase defect but I never got pregnant from it which makes me think more is going on than just progesterone levels.

If you want to give it a go, the dose is 3 to 5g per day, however I wouldn't combine it with IVF or any fertility drugs as it may well mess them up.

Amber xxx

[debs29]

Hi Amber,

Sorry to hear what a horrible night you had on Monday, I hate how MC have such a lot to deal with - how have you been the past few days? I hope the physical side of things are easing off to give you time to focus on you.

The maca root certainly sounds worth trying. I will stay away from it whilst on IVF but it is nice to have informed choices of other things - you never know I might get a cycle going at some point.

I hope you are managing your course work and placements OK to take your mind off things - but most of all I hope you are listening to your body (and mind) and doing the right things for you.

Debbiexxxx

[Amber]

Hi Debbie

Thanks for checking up on me. Mostly I have been feeling really tired, probably from two bad night's sleep Sunday and Monday plus losing all that blood. It is CD5 and still had to use a full size pad today. Normally I would only need a full size pad for 3 days with a normal AF. I am praying it will just be spotting tomorrow and clear up over the weekend.

I have been on placement today too so it's been a long day, but interesting. It is really interesting listening to the advice some of the patients are given because I can recognise it in myself too. Things like avoidance coping, imagining the worst case scenario etc.

I think at the moment I really need to work on the psychological blocks towards a successful pregnancy. There are some really good points on the Fertile Heart website:

http://www.fertileheart.com/10-ways-to- ... -approach/

I think for me the points I need to work on are; concentrate on the language I use towards my next pregnancy, not blame myself about anything that has gone wrong in the past with my fertility, really understand my beliefs and images towards motherhood. I am really working on the job fulfillment side at the moment and I know I am making good progress as I really do enjoy my studies and work placement, especially when I think how much I hated my old job.

How are you getting on? Are you on the next lot of drugs yet?

Amber xxx

[joy]

Hiya Amber I'm so so sorry for ur mc, y have we got to go through all this il never know! Hope the bleeding has subsided, mine come all of a,sudden n finaly stopped today. Had blood tests back today which are finaly negative. Rest up well, I know its hard, my mind is on overdrive atm x
Debbs hope ur ok too hun x
Amber in answer to y I'm trying to get ivf is I'm so frustrated atm, I'm 43 in 5 weeks, I might not get a bfp for ages or ever naturally and it scares me, I don't want to leave it too late for funding n hoping, ur right about putting myself through ivf again after mmc of triplets Wen I was 23 but I'm kind of grabbing onto any hope I guess Xx