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How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:40 pm
by Amber
How long did it take others to get over a loss? I am really trying to get on with my life but finding it really difficult to be positive all the time. I have been getting on with my uni work and that is all on track but I still get those feelings of loss out of my mind. I was in such a postive mindset before all this happened and I am having real trouble trying to pick myself up.

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:04 pm
by joannapage
Hi Amber

I remember you from your first IVF cycle and i'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I've had 3 m/c now, with the most recent being in June this year after an IVF BFP. I hate to say it but I'm still not 'over' it. I dont think about it constantly anymore and it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but it's still there. The first year i think is the worst as there will be due dates, anniversaries etc and whilst i'm not one for dwelling, i also don't want to forget what should have been.

One day at a time, time is the only healer in my experience. If you want to get upset, get upset, don't beat yourself up though if you don't.

So sorry you're having to go through this xx

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:34 pm
by Amber
Thanks Joanna, I think I got my hopes up to much especially as I was so amazed it was a natural BFP. I made a decision not to go through any more IVF as it caused me so much stress so by the time I conceived naturally I had come to terms with not having children. Now all that has changed again, though I still refuse to take any fertility treatment as I believe the drugs cause me too much anxiety. I think yesterday was bad because it was going to be my dating scan day and had been looking forward to getting my first ever scan picture. It then didn't help with all the 'royal' coverage in the news which I felt was rubbing salt into the wounds.

I want to get back to trying again but I am still spotting and I know there is risk of infection from starting too soon. Maybe tomorrow! I have now got a headache and sore throat just to make things worse. Got my check up scan tomorrow so hopefully we can see it is all clear and move on.

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:57 pm
by hope07
Amber (()) If I'm truly honest I dont think you ever get over pg loss, BUT as time passes the pain becomes less and you can move on.
My first mc was in April 2006 and even now I always feel sad on what would have been my EDD and I still think that my baby would now have been *years old.
Whilst we were on our TTC journey and going through the bfp/mc cycle I got quite bitter and it felt like my life was on hold whilst everyone else was moving on.
Its hard but it does get easier over time x

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:52 pm
by beaglelady
amber i agree with the others that time does help but anniversaries come back to bite you. i think it is also probably easier to move on if you do have a successful pregnancy which i hope you go onto have.

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 8:01 pm
by Sazwell
Hi amber
The lovely ladies have said most of what I was going to say.. It does ease but it takes a long time after my loss in 08 I still think about what could have been still now! It's a long road and especially hard as you say you have slowly moved on from ttc and then this blow brings you back to square one and crave to feel as happy as you did when you found out. I remember thinking (especially in '08) I wish I'd never gotten pregnant as it seemed harder than just getting another bfn?!?! Hope I'm making sense.. But now looking back I have to be grateful for every moment I had my babies for however short, I'll never forget them.
Everyone is different and deals with it in different ways you just do whatever you feel you need to do to deal with you loss.. Cry, scream, take time out??? It's so hard honey but all the ladies on here know exactly how you feel so feel free if you need to talk we're all here for you xxxx

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 8:50 pm
by littlelolly
Amber, I recently suffered a loss and it is such a painful thing to go through. Time is a great healer and each day gets easier. Some days are bad some are good. Allow yourself to grieve and let any emotion you have out. Do not bottle anything up and talk to us if you need to. Big hugs xxx

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:39 pm
by Amber
Thanks Littlelolly - I am managing to talk about it and I think it helped having my final scan today and talking to the lady at EPU who did the scan. It is too easy to blame yourself and keep thinking 'what did I do wrong' . I know now there is nothing I did wrong, I eat a good diet, exercise, don't smoke, drink much etc etc. In the long run I guess it is better that the body terminates a fetus with a genetic abnormality as it would distressing to have a disabled child.

The bleeding has stopped now which has helped. DH on the otherhand is not so good at talking about it. Gave himself a migrane yesterday which affected his vision so trying to get him to talk about it now.

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:05 pm
by joy
Hi Amber I know I've posted on other threads, i had a mmc was Wen i was 23, through ivf with triplets, I was 13 weeks and I've never got over it but it does get easier, I'm still childless but hoping for a miracle. My triplets wud have been 19! 2 weeks ago going by my Edd. I said I wud light 3 candles every year which I still do, I hope everyone on here finds the strenghth to move on and hopefully get the baby they have always wanted... Xxxxxx

Re: How long does it take to get over a loss?

PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:34 pm
by MissLMWilson
When reading the other replies, I feel foolish telling my story.
I was 15 when I became pregnant...as a young teenager experiencing the world. I had a miscarriage, when I didnt know I was pregnant. I later found out I was 8 weeks gone.
It wasnt untill I was 21 until I found out I had PCOS.
I had already started the healing process regarding my miscarriage before my diagnosis. I had counselling and medication and everything.
Howevere when I was diagnosed and I asked my GP the question 'Is this why I miscarried?' I got the answer that I knew in my heart. This has however reopened my wounds and its a long road ahead but I believe that time is a healer.
I hope this has helped?
xxx