Trying again after a loss

A safe haven for you to discuss losing a pregnancy and recurrent miscarriage

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Postby spooncheryl » Sat May 31, 2008 1:10 pm

I found out in my 20's that i had bad pcos and i was told i would never have children, i was devestated and of course you always want what you cant have. I tried unsucessfully for a baby with my ex for 4 years and then me and my hubby tried for 5 years although never expecting i would get pregnant but i just couldnt give up and accept that. I was seeing a fertility doctor but had been told i needed to lose 6 stone before she would put me on clomid, i dieted and after losing 3 stone found out i was 9 weeks pregnant. We were soooo happy, all our dreams had come true but the pregnancy did not go well. Our beautiful daughter Olivia Rose Hoon was born on 9th January 2007 at only 25 weeks gestation and weighing only 1lb 13oz (0.82kg) We were expecting her to come on 20th April 2007!!
Livvy as our daughter soon became did really well for the first couple of days then nearly died and was transfered to the Jessop wing neonatal hospital for osillation ventilation which seemed to do the trick but she got a very bad infection and subsequently her O2 requirement went up to 100% we spent a few weeks fighting off infections and having numerous blood transfusions (daily at one point) She also had a large duct in her heart and surgery was discussed daily. She went on a drugs trial to help her with one of the infections and some days did well and other days would just drop her SATS and her heartrate and the crash team would come. She also underwent a course of nitric gas straight into her lungs to help her and eventually had steroids to try and get her of the ventilator as the pressures Livvy was needing were very high and damaging her lungs. After a very rocky couple of months (me living at the hospital) Livvy was transfered back to Chesterfield Royal hospital (I could go home) and slowly Livvy seemed to make good progress (although we did have several Livvy style hiccups where we nearly lost her).
We started to enjoy all the normal family things like dressing Livvy and Bathing her, she even started to take her milk through a bottle (Stubbornly refusing to give up her wind easily). We used to tuck Livvy up in the pram and go for walks around the hospital grounds and play for hours with her toys. She even had a little taster of some baby food!!
My husband and i then spent 5 days at the hospital in our own little flat to see if we could cope with looking after her on our own as she was very oxygen dependant. We loved it, it was great, almost like been a normal family. The hospital were so happy they decided Livvy could come home.(6 months old)
We only had a precious 2 days at home before i thought Olivia didnt look good so we rushed back to the hospital. Livvy's O2 requirement went up so much in the next couple of hours i couldnt understand what was happening (It more than doubled). They put her back on Cpap and we waited for the transport team to come and transfer her to the Sheffield Childrens hospital. Livvy had an up and down time for the next 3 months, including an op to look inside her lungs. but slowly she just couldnt fight any longer, her lungs just didnt grow quick enough for her body. We (her mummy and daddy) stayed up all night just cuddling her and telling her how much we loved her and how proud we were of the fight for life she had shown while she slowly slipped away.
We had our daughter buried in an adult plot so we could be reunited with her one day. She was buried in a pink coffin wearing a special new dress and cuddling her favourite teddy bear.
We are now back to square one as i put the weight back on and have to lose 6 stone for fertility treatment, i have lost 3 stone and i am praying that i will be lucky enough to get pregnant again although the thought fills me with terror at going through it all again.
sorry for the long long story but trust me this is the edited version.
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Postby loachy » Sat May 31, 2008 4:54 pm

so sorry to hear of your loss such a fighter you must be so proud.
IVF BFP Aaron m/c 22wks 9/2/07
IVF BFP Katie & Joshua 29+4 3lb 1 13/9/08
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Postby Nicola1 » Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:43 am

Hi everyone,

So many heartbreaking stories - my thoughts and baby dust wishes to all of you.

Nicola x
Last edited by Nicola1 on Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dec '06 - m/c 17 wks
Sept '05 - m/c 23.5 wks
Sept '04 - m/c 19wks

'If you want the rainbow, sometimes you gotta put up with the rain'

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Postby Mrs Kav » Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:02 am

What a heart breaking story. You must be sooooo proud of your little angel. I wish you all the luck in the world for your future and your journey of TTC.

Best wishes

Sarah
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Postby hope07 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:56 pm

Ladies- Just wondered if anyone could offer some advice.

I'm feeling very anxious about getting pg again and don't know how I'm going to get through it if/when it happens again.

Would love to hear from anyone who's suffered from recurrent M/C and gone on to have a healthy pg.

Sending sticky baby dust to Everyone x
7 -1st Trimester M/C's- TTC since Oct 05

Mummy to two beautiful children
1 DS- IVF
1 DD- Natural BFP
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Postby loachy » Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:41 pm

not much i can say sarah, I am pregnant again and untill I get passed 24weeks i wont relax. Lots of people do go on okay, Mrs Spoons is one name that springs to mind.

I am taking the view of one day at a time.
IVF BFP Aaron m/c 22wks 9/2/07
IVF BFP Katie & Joshua 29+4 3lb 1 13/9/08
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Postby MsMara » Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:27 pm

oh spooncheryl

that is so sad :( that is just heartbreaking. i am so sorry for your loss.
xx
The best thing about life is that it's never so bad that it can't get worse.

Trying to lose 6 stone
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Postby hope07 » Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:19 pm

Hi-Hope Everyone is well.

Has anyone been watching neighbours this week? I've just watched yesterdays episode and what a tear jerker, the current story line with Sam and Dan and their pg loss.
Watching something like that really takes you back, especially when Dan got his memory box out.
7 -1st Trimester M/C's- TTC since Oct 05

Mummy to two beautiful children
1 DS- IVF
1 DD- Natural BFP
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Postby rubee » Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:55 am

OH my God truly heartbreaking stories.
Mooncheryl, i cried my eyes out reading that..

loads of giant hugs to all, Rubee xxx
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Postby alison86 » Wed Jul 09, 2008 3:13 pm

Hi everyone so many heartbreaking storys and so many strong women.

In autum 2004 everything was wonderfull we had just got engaged and looking forward to the future. Loads of friends and family came to visit to help us celebrate With all the excitment I didn't even notice I had missed a period untill i would have been due another one. Due to lovely PCOS sometimes I would have a very long cycle anyway so it was normal. Anyway last time I hadn't had a period for a while my doc made me do loads of HPT's to make sure i wasn't so this time i thought i'd do one before going to him and much to my suprise it came up positive!! I phoned my hubby and he came stright home from work . We were very suprised but so happy. Went to the doc's a couple of days later and they confirmed it and booked me in to the EPU as I was unsure of my dates.

About a week later I had some brown discharge and as it was a friday night phoned NHS Direct who sent me to the out of hours doc's who were no help at all and sent me home saying i should see my own doc on monday. So I went home and rested and the discharge stopped untill sunday evening when i wiped and it was back so was stright back to the docs on the monday and they sent me for a scan at the EPU. They did a scan and said they couldn't find anything wrong. They didn't show me the screen or let me hear the heartbeat which eats me up as I don't even have that.

Anyway they said they wanted to see me again on wed and to rest. They also did bloods and said that I was about 9+4 but could be a little more. So off we went scared as hell and the discharge continued and got so red blood in with it and when we went back on wed they said they couldn't find the sac and i had lost the baby. My heart broke in two although i knew it in my heart already. They sent me home with a HPT to do in 2 weeks and a leaflet and that was it. I pasted the sac a few days later even tho they said it had already gone.

My baby would have been 3 this week if it was born on its EDD and I feel so sad. I think now we have started to try again it has made it harder this year. I don't know if i can go though this again. It has taken me nearly 4 years to get my head in a place where i could start trying again.

Alison xx
M/C @ 9W+ in Dec 2004 MC @ 7.5 weeks April 2010 xx
Natural BFP 21/11/2010 hoping for a sticky one - Its TWINS!!! xx
Diagnosed March 2008
Low Carb diet June09 Met - 3x 500g since Dec09. Lost 3 and a half stone.
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Postby Nicola1 » Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:37 pm

Hi Alison,

So sorry for your loss & a heartbreaking story.

It does take a while to come to terms doesn't it? I had also just got engaged when I had my first loss. I was the opposite and only got over the last loss by becoming pregnant again. I definitely believe you know when the time is right to start tying again and I won't relax until I am at least 29 weeks pregnant, it's hard to feel positive about each pregnancy but you try & have to because the thought of being without a baby altogether is far more unbearable than the pain you are going through now.

Lots of baby dust to you, keep your chin up and it will happen for you!

Nicola x
Dec '06 - m/c 17 wks
Sept '05 - m/c 23.5 wks
Sept '04 - m/c 19wks

'If you want the rainbow, sometimes you gotta put up with the rain'

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Postby Maddi » Fri Aug 08, 2008 11:01 am

Hello
I have just been reding all your tragic stories and would like some advice please. My neighbour and I both have PCOS. We recently found out we were both expecting. She was due in Dec and me in Jan. She had been trying for 6 years and conceived after ivf. We were starting to get excited about how we would be able to watch the children grow together and how we could help each other out.
I have just learnt that her baby was born sleeping early ( 20 weeks). They have gone away for a few weeks and I havent seen her yet. I am so worried about how to handle it. I can imagine she will find it very difficult to watch me growing with my bump and then watching my child grow at pretty much the same stage that she should have been. I don't know what to say to her or how I can support her as she may well feel she doesnt even want to see me. As people who have experienced such a loss, what would you recommend? Thanks x
Maddi
 

Postby loachy » Fri Aug 08, 2008 11:04 am

i would say just speak to her and say you are available to talk anytime she wants too just dont say you know how she feels if you dont, that really pissed me off.

Be a shoulder to cry on and let her do things in her own time and way.
IVF BFP Aaron m/c 22wks 9/2/07
IVF BFP Katie & Joshua 29+4 3lb 1 13/9/08
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Postby hope07 » Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:45 am

Hi Maddi- I'd say similar to Louchy- but I would maybe send a text first- saying that your there for her. At least with a text she knows you care without having to face someone who's pregnant. I'd also be super sensitive when talking to her, only talk about pregnancies and babies if she talks about them, and even then let her lead the conversation. Hope this helps- X
7 -1st Trimester M/C's- TTC since Oct 05

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1 DS- IVF
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Postby Nicola1 » Tue Aug 12, 2008 12:13 pm

Hi Maddi, sorry - long post,

I can relate to this, my best friend was pregnant the same time I was with my 2nd pregnancy, we couldn't quite believe it when we found out, we were literally 4 days apart in due dates, we spent hours talking about the babies, how they would be so close like us, we even went to Mama's & Papa's together to look at prams and nursery furniture.

My baby girl was born sleeping 23.5 weeks, I couldn't see Helen for about a month, even though she was begging on the phone to my DH to come over, I just couldn't face her, she eventually understood I needed to come round in my own time, when I first saw her, we both cried for a while and then it was a case of just get on with it but every time I saw her and her bump it was a stab to the heart - she let me lead the conversations, so only spoke about the pregnancy if I asked. I swear it was the hardest thing in the world but at the end of the day it wasn't her fault I miscarried and I was the first at the hospital besides her parents when she gave birth to Oliver.

She will come round when she's ready just don't force the issue, that was the way I dealt with it - hope this helps!

Nicola x
Dec '06 - m/c 17 wks
Sept '05 - m/c 23.5 wks
Sept '04 - m/c 19wks

'If you want the rainbow, sometimes you gotta put up with the rain'

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