Trying again after a loss

A safe haven for you to discuss losing a pregnancy and recurrent miscarriage

Moderators: thebuzz, Northfifer, Sammi, Hols969, DawnyB, purplestar, loachy, Mrs Wilko, Lutzomyia

Postby Hols » Mon Aug 02, 2010 7:43 pm

Hi Tina just a quickie as am on my phone but I know how you feel about trying again me and DH have discussed this yesterday and we are going to try again straight away I refuse to use contraception for a month so I have been testing to see when my hCG bottoms out (not quite yet) and we will go from there.

Good luck hun I have my fingers crossed for a sticky beanie for you really soon.
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Postby missus griff » Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:41 pm

Hi Tina, in the past I have always been told to wait for 3 months after a m/c so the uterus can return to normal. Although I have noticed other ladies have had successful pregnancies after falling pregnant on their 1st cycle. Maybe you could have a word with your consultant to see what they advise. It they say you are ok to try again soon, and you both feel ready, go for it.

I have got an appt. at the recurrent m/c clinic on Thursday, so am wondering what they will say. I will let you know if you like.

Good luck hun xxx
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Postby stephhaff » Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:51 pm

Hiya Tina, Hols and missus griff,

I have found the advice re starting to TTC again really conflicting; told by gynae at hospital when having m/c - no need to wait, by fertility doc at hosp - to wait one cycle, by gp to wait 2 cycles and by my accupuncture guy to wait 3 months - Who to believe??!!

DH and I have discussed and we think to wait for one AF then try again. Although who knows when AF will make an appearance.... The m/c was four weeks ago yest, have had intermittent ewcm :oops: but as am taking temps again, know that haven't OV'd yet - the wait continues. It's so frustrating when I just want to feel pregnant again :( - but then I know you lovely ladies know that feeling!

Am interested to hear what you've been told and what you're all choosing to do - yet another stage when we feel so alone that it's nice to know there are others about who understand......

Hugs to us all xx
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Postby Hols » Mon Aug 02, 2010 10:06 pm

Hi Steph

From what I know there is usually no medical need to wait and some studies suggest that you are more fertile after a mc.

The reason they say wait 1 cycle is usually because of dating a new pregnancy but the way I see it is a) they will prob do an early scan for reassurance and b) I find that due to the delights of PCOS I am quite in tune with my body and can pinpoint ov quite well.

Other people may have different situations which require a longer wait but I don't think it's usually necessary.

Hope that helped a bit.

Laura
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Postby stephhaff » Mon Aug 02, 2010 10:33 pm

Thanks Laura,

I must admit as the days tick by, I'm leaning towards not waiting (as looey mentioned it reinforces how long we've been trying without success) but know my DH will be less likely to change his mind, he's someone who sticks to what the `experts say' - dammit!!

You're right about knowing our bodies and how they work - great when they are but frustrating at it being screwed up after the m/c. Hope it kicks back in again soon :roll:

Anyway am starting to whine - thanks for yr reply.

Big hug and baby dust to you xx
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Postby loachy » Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:22 am

ladies I was told to wait 3 months after my m/c by my doctor and consultant but I was 22 weeks, so over half way. TBH I wasnt ready before that. I had a scan to check the uterus was back to normal and they noticed that I had ovulated for the first time ever but nothing after that first month.

If you feel ready then go for it. I know people that have got pregnant again within 1 month of a term pregnancy so it feels right go with the flow.

By the way, I am always here for you ladies.
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Postby alison86 » Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:02 pm

I just saw on the news that new research shows that you don't have to wait at all and that those how do get pg again in the 6 months following a MC that your chances of having another MC are actually less. Think they said the research was done by Aberdeen Uni.

After my first MC we didn't start trying again and I found that it was a constant reminder of what at happened at the worst possible time. I did cry the first couple of times which really kills the mood :roll: This time we started trying again stright away and I'm glad we did. For me emotionally its been much easier and I think at the end of the day thats whats important. Whats right for one might not work for another so just go with what feels right to you.

Big hugs x
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Postby beaglelady » Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:28 pm

I hope you don't mind me posting on here

I find all the advice about how soon to start again so conflicting. Also when you have had further gynae problems like me there was no way I could have considered ttc again for at least 3-4 months. I have been for an mri today and am seeing my gynae on Monday he has verbally said he feels I can try again.

I just wish someone could tell me for sure whether I'll ever get pregnant again and keep it. It would be so much easier.
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Postby hannahboo » Sat Aug 07, 2010 3:04 pm

Hi ladies,

I am so sorry to read about your losses.

I came across this article on BBC news website today and thought it may be of interest.

[url]http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10880232[url]

Big hugs andloads of sticky baby dust coming your way x
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Postby hope07 » Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:09 am

Tina- With the first few mc's I had we started TTC again striaght away as at the time I needed something else to focus on- looking back now , emotionally I was no-where near ready- but I'd say do what feels right for you- take care X
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Re: my story

Postby fertilitydr » Sun Feb 20, 2011 1:51 am

emma1981 wrote:Well i shall start the thread off, here is my story:

I miraculously fell pregnant naturally in October last year. I was having no periods before then and taking provera each month to have a cycle. Then suddenly, somehow it happened. I like to believe it happened because my fiance was about to go to iraq for 6 months with the army in the november and it was like a way of giving me something special to focus on.

I had some bleeding early in the pregnancy but it all settled. Made it to 20 weeks for my scan and found we were having a boy, my fiance had his 2 week leave from iraq then. We were over the moon and felt so so blessed and lucky.

6 days later i felt crampy and started to bleed. Before long i was bleeding heavily and in so much pain. I was taken by ambulance to the main hospital by which point i was having constant contractions. I was terrified and knew something was very wrong. At the hospital i continued to bleed and then my waters broke. I was scanned and told the baby was fine but there was hardly any fluid left and they couldnt stop my labour.

Everything seemed to settle for a while and i was laughing with my fiance about how many magazines he would have to bring me in for my huge hospital stay that seemed in sight. I felt optimistic things would somehow be ok. But soon after the contractions started again and at 1.24 am on 11th feb 07 i delivered my little lewis at exactly 21 weeks. He was too small and born sleeping.

Since then we have been a mix of emotions however have started ttc again. The future suddenly seems so scary after having a loss. There is now also so many complications i will have such as the risk of another placental abruption, but more so now they have found i also have a very incompetent cervix and require an abdominal stitch to be done in a next pregnancy.

It seems everywhere i look there are pregnant ladies and those puching prams i wish so bad it was me and so many times as it approaches xmas find myself thinking i should have a little 6 month old with me here now :(

It hope that maybe other ladies who had suffered a loss no matter what stage of pregnancy felt they could share their stories here, their hopes and fears now they are trying, or thinking of trying again after a loss.

Emma xxx


I like this!
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Trying again after a loss

Postby verity100 » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:47 am

Hi ladies

I just wanted to share my story & also ask for some advise about this whole nightmare.

Ive got PCOS & we've been trying for a baby for a year & 3 months now. In that time i've only had 3 periods so i was going to be starting Clomid soon to regular my cycle & help me to ovulate regulary (I think the lack of periods, meant i wasnt ovulating so just couldnt fall pregnant)

Anyway after a year of only 1 period i had two regular ones in December and January this year..... I was waiting to come on again in February as my fertility doctor wanted to send me for 21 day blood tests & i never came on. I was due to go in for a scan to check how my cysts were doing & to get Provera to make me come on when the doctor spoke to me and said are you sure your not pregnant?

Id done a test the week before & it was negative so i said no, theres no way.... but what she said stuck in my mind & before I took the provera I done a test & it was positive!

I took about 4 more that morning & they were all really dark lines! To say we were over the moon was an understatement, we couldnt believe i'd fallen pregnant naturally after everything we'd been through.

Anyhow i went for the scan the next day still but explained i was pregnant & they scanned me anyway & said i was about 4-5 weeks pregnant. They booked me in for an early scan two weeks later to date me as my periods were messed up and they couldnt be sure how far along i really was.

Over the next two weeks I probably felt more pregnant than ever, i started feeling sick in the mornings, i was tired all the time, had sore boobs etc. and i thought everything was fine.

I had no bleeding or pain or anything & my symptoms seemed to be getting stronger.

When i had the scan two weeks later they told me there was no heart beat & that the baby had probably died that week, they dated me at 8 weeks.

I was told i'd need a D&C as i was 8 weeks and it was booked in for the following Monday (this was on a Wednesday). I think i was in shock to be honest & I couldnt quite believe it was happening, the next few days went in a blur and I had the op done Monday just gone.

Ive been a bit of a mess ever since and cant stop thinking about it, the fact i thought everything was fine is what hurts the most. I had no bleeding or pain, as it was a missed miscarriage i continued to feel sick every morning from Wednesday to the following Monday when I had the op which just seemed so cruel. I felt so pregnant still :(

I just wanted to know if anyones been through something simular and has tried again and had a sucessful pregnancy?

Im so scared this is going to happen again the next time I conceive and i know i shouldnt think like that, but i dont know how many time I can go through this.

Also as my periods were so messed up its just soul destroying to think ive gota go through this again, wait for my next period. Will it even come, if so when? and how long will it take for me to get pregnant again. I just feel like not even trying again sometimes its that hard

Sorry this turned into a HUGE rant and your probably asleep by now lol - just wanted to hear from anyone who'd been through this & has tried again.

Also i have to go back to see my fertility doctor to discuss the miscarriage and talk about what happens next. Did anyone get any kind of explanation about what happened and why they miscarried when they went back for this kind of appointment?

Thanks for reading

Trudie xxxxxxxxx
Trudie x
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Postby Kasha » Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:55 am

Hi trudie. Sorry for your loss, ut you are .definitely not alone.
There are lots of ladies on here who had missed misscarriages and i'm sure they can offer you advice on that.
My atory is a little different as i knew i was miscarrying. I had not had many pregnancy symptoms really, although the same was true for my first pregnancy which was fine. Then at 6 weeks i started getting worse pain and spotting, which quickly turned into heavier bleeding and i passed the products of pregnancy the day after the bleeding had started.
I wasn't really given much in the way of explanation other than to tell me that miscarriage is common (1 in 4 pregnancies apparently) and that in the early stages it is most likely to be something wrong with the baby not anything i had or hadn't done. I was told that having ome miscarriage did not increase my risk for another. I was advised to wait one cycle before trying again, and like you i did wonder when that would be! As it happens it never came because i conceived again within a month. As you can see i am now 22 weeks pregnant with a very active little girl (who is kicking me to bits as I type!) and all is so far well.

It is not easy getting over the failure of a much wanted pregnancy and everyone is different in how they do it. You mist give youraelf and your OH time to heal, and talk about it too. Don't forget his feelings too. One of the things my hubby told me was that he was so busy being strong for me and trying to hide his feelings so as not to hurt me more that he bottled it up really. Plus people forget that men go thru it as well as the women.

There is no right or wrong answer about when to try again. Time wasn't on my side so we didn't really talk about leaving it a while, just wanted to get my first cycle out of the way. In the end it worked out well for us but it might not be the right way for someone else. Only you can decide that.

I wish you lots of love and luck.
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Trying again after a loss

Postby verity100 » Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:59 am

Hi Kasha

Thank you very much for reading and for replying

As much as its scared me we definatley want to try again so im pretty sure we will, once i've had one normal period after my miscarriage.

Its funny you should mention about our fella's and how they deal with it, i was having a bad day yesterday & spoke to my partner & he said he'd been thinking about it all day also. I was surprised as he doesnt usually talk about it & he said that hes being strong for me and doesnt want me to see him upset - very sweet but ive told him he can talk to me whenever and that its ok to just feel sad.

Congratulations on your BFP! Its made me feel better to know that you conceived so soon after and that you went on to have a healthy pregnancy!

Thanks again, T x
Trudie x
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Postby vixie » Thu Apr 07, 2011 2:44 pm

HI Trudy,
I too had a missed miscarrige this year. I found out at my 12 week scan, and was told that it only made it to 6 weeks. I also has continued to have pregnancy symptoms through those 6 weeks though and was told by the doctors that that was normal as there is still something there so the body still thinks you are pregnant. To hear this was a relief as I'd beginning to think i was going round the bend!

I'm not yet pregnant again so can't help you on that one, but we are trying.

It's right that people do forget about the bloke in these situations, so you have to remember to be there for each other, i also found that people tend to forget altogether fairly quickly, but I guess if they haven't been through it they won't know what it's like or how to deal with it.

My doctor told me to get trying again as soon as we wanted to. there is a lot of evidence know that you are more fertile after so i hope it's true.

Good luck and I hope we both get our BFPs soon.

Vicki
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