Trying again after a loss

A safe haven for you to discuss losing a pregnancy and recurrent miscarriage

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Trying again after a loss

Postby emma1981 » Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:09 pm

Hi girls this is a new sticky that has been started for those girls who have experienced the loss of a baby at any stage of their pregnancy and now want to try again. If you want to share your story or need some support this is a place to speak to others in a similiar situation.

Lots of babydust for all who are ttc :)
emma1981
 

my story

Postby emma1981 » Sat Nov 24, 2007 9:51 pm

Well i shall start the thread off, here is my story:

I miraculously fell pregnant naturally in October last year. I was having no periods before then and taking provera each month to have a cycle. Then suddenly, somehow it happened. I like to believe it happened because my fiance was about to go to iraq for 6 months with the army in the november and it was like a way of giving me something special to focus on.

I had some bleeding early in the pregnancy but it all settled. Made it to 20 weeks for my scan and found we were having a boy, my fiance had his 2 week leave from iraq then. We were over the moon and felt so so blessed and lucky.

6 days later i felt crampy and started to bleed. Before long i was bleeding heavily and in so much pain. I was taken by ambulance to the main hospital by which point i was having constant contractions. I was terrified and knew something was very wrong. At the hospital i continued to bleed and then my waters broke. I was scanned and told the baby was fine but there was hardly any fluid left and they couldnt stop my labour.

Everything seemed to settle for a while and i was laughing with my fiance about how many magazines he would have to bring me in for my huge hospital stay that seemed in sight. I felt optimistic things would somehow be ok. But soon after the contractions started again and at 1.24 am on 11th feb 07 i delivered my little lewis at exactly 21 weeks. He was too small and born sleeping.

Since then we have been a mix of emotions however have started ttc again. The future suddenly seems so scary after having a loss. There is now also so many complications i will have such as the risk of another placental abruption, but more so now they have found i also have a very incompetent cervix and require an abdominal stitch to be done in a next pregnancy.

It seems everywhere i look there are pregnant ladies and those puching prams i wish so bad it was me and so many times as it approaches xmas find myself thinking i should have a little 6 month old with me here now :(

It hope that maybe other ladies who had suffered a loss no matter what stage of pregnancy felt they could share their stories here, their hopes and fears now they are trying, or thinking of trying again after a loss.

Emma xxx
emma1981
 

Postby gemsviolin » Sun Nov 25, 2007 11:11 pm

Emma, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure your little angel Lewis is keeping a close on you both.

Although I do not know the loss you have been through I also had a difficult time. My son was born at 30+6 and spent 13 weeks in NICU. Anyway I found Bliss (charity for premature and sick babies) to be a wonderful support. They also have an area for those who have angels. They might be of soem support to you and anyone else reading this. Also there is a lot of people going for number 2, just like you and me, who might be able to help.

Thinking of you and good luck ttc.

Gemma
Conceived after 7 months on clomid and met. JOshua born on 3/3/07, 9wks early weighing 3lbs. Now trying for No.2

6mths 100 clomid
Lap and dye with OD
Thinking IVF now
MC 6mths after lap and dye
MC July2010, MC Oct 2010
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Postby loachy » Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:17 am

Hi Emma

Its strange but our stories are so similiar. I managed to conceive on my first attempt at IVF and was over the moon. I had had lots of colds over chrsitmas and was concerned with all the coughing I wasnt feeling baby. I had a scan at 20 weeks and all was fine.

Then I woke up at 4am and went to the loo to wipe and find blood. I called the hospital in the morning and went in, the first doctor told me to wait for my 22 weeks scan that afternoon.

By that time I was having contractions and was admitted to the labour ward where I was given drugs to stop labour. Unfortunately my baby aaron had pushed his feet through the cervix, and when attempting to push him back my waters broke and he was born on the 9th February.

I then discovered i too have an incompetent cervix and will be having a cervical stitch with my next pregnancy, which is very scary indeed.

Ann
IVF BFP Aaron m/c 22wks 9/2/07
IVF BFP Katie & Joshua 29+4 3lb 1 13/9/08
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Postby DawnyB » Mon Nov 26, 2007 11:27 am

I haven't suffered a loss, but wanted to share some optimism with you ladies.

A very close friend of mine who has pcos with blessedly few symptoms (lucky her) but suffered a miscarriage due to an incompetent cervix, she had to have the stitch in place during her next pregnancy - she has since carried 4 healthy pregnancies with the stitch in place, and now has 4 children ranging from 16 down to 8. Apparently the cervix is frozen when they put the stitch in so you don't even feel it, and the MW checks on it to ensure its staying put.
MrsB was time for a name change :)

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Postby emma1981 » Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:33 pm

Hi girls thanks for sharing your stories.

MrsB - thanks for that positive story!

Loachy - Firstly i am so sorry for your loss xx. I find the idea of having a stitch really scary as well. I had cervical resistance studies done and they found that my cervix is so short and weak that it would be pointless to try a vaginal stitch, so instead i have to have an abdominal stitch carried out. I dont know a huge amount about it yet other than they open you like in a c-section and secure the stitch at the top of your cervix so it is a lot stronger. I know it involves about a week in hospital and is fairly painful but also has a good success rate if you get through the first few days ok. Like a vaginal stitch i think its done around 12 weeks. It does seem like as if getting pregnant isnt hard enough there are now so many other obstacles to overcome, like so many women i thought once i was past the 12 week mark things would be ok...

Gemsviolin - Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and i wish you all the best for ttc number 2!


Me - i'm very frustrated at the moment, i had managed to have 3 regular cycles at 33 days apart and was feeling quite optimistic, however this cycle i am on CD 49 and still nothing so i dont know whats going on. Doc wants me to have 3 months of day 21 bloods done again but everytime my cycles start going crazy again. He says there probably not much point doing them if cycles continue like this and really it is time to see gynae to start clomid, but i still want to keep trying with more 'natural' methods. Im trying: the GI plan, reflexology, agnus castus, Metformin, B vitamins, and have just ordered some chinese herbs as well! It is our wedding in 8 months and i just think i will get so stressed if i start clomid just now!
emma1981
 

Postby mousey » Fri Dec 07, 2007 1:31 pm

HI Emma, Hi Ladies

I have to admit your story made me cry, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a missed misscarriage at 11wks and my body naturally aborted on 23rd Sept 07 whilst waiting for an ERCP. We were devastated, our bean was very very much wanted. i can only begin to imagine a smidgen of how you must have felt at 22wks.

I have massive difficulty seeing pregnant people around the place thinking that that should be me! life seems so fair, we work so hard on our bodies, minds and souls to get in the right zone for getting pregnant, when we finally do the rug is pulled from our feet. If it wasnt difficult enough to get pregnant in the first place...

i have this theory that actually to get pregnant you have to have all the moons, stars and planets in alignment, a full moon, high tide, the axis of the earth has to be just right and the day of the week has to have an x in it for us to finally fall....so pretty miraculous that we ever get pregnant!!!!

It is like being at the bottom of mount killamanjaro, we have climbed it a bit before, but fell off, so we are now trying it again this time with crampons!

Anyhow i digress, since my MMC in September i have had one failed cycle of clomid and i am waiting for AF to arrive as i have another round of (100mg this time) clomid i am now on CD 42! Oh well, not a great deal i can do!

Best wishes

Mousey

P.S sorry for the length of post!
mousey
 

Postby Alicia » Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:46 pm

reading all of your posts made me feel realy sad i,m so sorry ofr you all. I know what its like I was only diagnosed with pcos this year when I came off the pill and never got my periods back. I went to see a specalist at the hosp and she gave me loads of forms to have various blood tests ect and said I needed a hycosy after my next period however my next period never came and I found out I was preg at 5 weeks I had some bleeding which stopped I had a scan and everything was okay but at 8 weeks all my symptoms ie sickness ect dissapeered I got the feeling things werent right but told myself that I was being daft and I should be pleased that I didn't feel so awful this week I was 11 weeks and chuffed that I was nearly out of the danger zone monday at 5am I woke up feeling realy strange I for a wee but when I got up the toilet was filled with blood I felt sick I woke up my husband and we went straight to the hosp the baby had died at 8 weeks we were devastated I had the op yesturday to have the rest removed as the baby was still there and I was in agony and losing alot of blood when will this pain go away though I know it was a tiny little bean but I can't stop crying I can't bear to see anyone or go out the house I just can't belive what has happened and i'm so so sad I can't imagine what it must be like to get to 20 weeks and go though this pain when will I start to feel normal again?
Alicia
 

Postby loachy » Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:17 am

Alicia I am sorry for your loss.

Normal - well thats when you feel ready, there is no time limit to say, by this point you should feel like this.

I stayed house bound for some time but when i did go out, it felt good as I was ready.

Dont rush things, take it easy.
IVF BFP Aaron m/c 22wks 9/2/07
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Postby bloomy » Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:41 am

Alicia I am so so sorry for your loss and the pain and trauma you have gone through. I know you are feeling lower than ever before at the moment but you need to concentrate on taking care of yourself. Your body as well as your heart has been through hell so you've got to take it easy and get lots of rest. Then take some time off work, cry when you need to cry, and talk when you want to talk. Only go back when you feel you are ready. I know it sounds terribly cliche but time is the greatest healer and although you can't imagine the pain ever going away at the moment it will begin to fade after a while. You will never forget your loss but one day when you are ready you will be able to put your head up and look forward with renewed hope again.

You take care of you and you know we are here if you need us X
Proud mummy to my two miracles Dylan born Jan 2009 and Rosie born Dec 2011
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Postby Alicia » Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:34 pm

Thanks for your replies Its good to hear from women in the same boat although it would be nice if we weren't in this boat!! I knew coming on here would make me feel more positive and it def has. I have been trying to occupy myself today and haven't cried half as much. I even went out of the house for 10 briefly!! I'm trying to just focus on having a gd Christmas and how lucky I already am as we have a 6 year old and I don't want my misery to effect her. I went to see the doc today he has signed me off of work for another week but I'm thinking of going back Monday as its nearly crimbo and seeing my work friends might lift my spirits. None of them knew about our precious little bean so it won't be too hard to go back. My next gynae apt isn't until march so I guess I will just have to get back on the pcos roller coaster until then I,ve really noticed my acne flare up these last few weeks!!!
Alicia
 

Postby MOLLYCAT » Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:38 pm

Hi Girls
I had a missed miscarrige diagnosed on Friday and they said the baby had not developed past 5 weeks. Very sad and disappointed.
I went to the hospital yesterday for my " miscarriage management " - pretty awful day - had my DH with me all day bless him - I am very lucky to have such support and love from him when I know he is so upset too.
I passed the sac today I think which was bigger than I had imagined and that was fairly shocking ... :( and of course set us both off again ...
Alicia - sorry to hear you are going through the same crappy time , I too am unsure when to go back to work as athough signed off until New Year I am not sure it would be good to sit around the house ... I dont want to rush back on Monday and then need to leave again either when I start getting upset - I want to try to keep it to myself . Hope you start to feel better soon , don't rush it :) I will try to take my own advice too :?

I like you post Mousey about the mountain climbing. It just looks so bloody big right now !
Lots of love Molly x
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Postby Alicia » Fri Dec 14, 2007 11:26 am

I'm so sorry to hear about your sad loss Mollycat you poor poor thing passing the sac that was what I was really scared of it must be heartbreaking. I find the worst part is knowing our baby died and thinking everything was okay I just can't handle the fact it died three weeks ago and I was carrying it loving it and feeling preg I should be having my 12 week scan today at 3.30 that's hard. I was asking the doc all sorts of questions yesterday I really wanted to know why it happened but I think that is what is so hard to understand because no one ever knows this early on do they. I wish my DH was coping he stayed with me in hosp Tues which was good and he has been there for me I can't deny that but he just wont talk about it and then at night when we go to bed he just lays there and cries I wish he would talk to me but he says he wants me to get better and doesn't want to upset me anymore. I'm not really sleeping I just keep running through the last few days in my head is that how you feel? I think you should stay off work until the new year if you are miss carrying naturally that must be so painful you really should rest and make sure you heal up properly. I'm just laying on the sofa today I think I did too much yesterday. I think I will go back Mon I'm starting to feel guilty for being off I know what you mean about crying at work though in my job I deal with pregnant women allot that is going to be really hard!!! but I feel that the longer I stay off the harder I will find it to go back I don't want to build it up too much.
Alicia
 

Postby mousey » Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:06 pm

Hey Girls

Mollycat, so sorry about your news, and Alicia too, it must be very raw for you both. It took me a while to kinda get myself together, so do take all the time you can, like you molly i saw the sac, and everything, in some way it is good because at least you can see that somthing did actually happen, i went through a mini labour, v bizarre indeed.

Believe me, it does get better, though that sounds v hard to imagine now, especially as you get used to the idea of being pg, and are so happy about it, life seems so blinking unfair, the injustice of it all. the biggest question i had was WHY?

... i seriously recommend staying away from jeremy kyle on daytime TV, i wanted to throw things at the screen looking at young people pregnant who fell at the drop of a hat and some miscreant father arguing paternity... its not fair! (sorry i digress)

Take time, and lots of care of yourselves, its tough times, and time really is the only way to get over it. My OH was away when it all kicked off, my folks were v supportive, my OH was fairly matter of fact about it all (trying to be supportive) people do react differently to it, as do friends...either they wont talk or just ignore it happened, the best thing is to go with how you feel, and talk things through, it is a grieving process so take time.

Sorry rambling now, but thinking of you

Lots of Love

Mousey
x
mousey
 

Postby Hayleyscrase » Sun Jan 06, 2008 9:59 pm

Hello , i have just noticed this post so heres my story.

After 2 abandoned attempts of Ivf we were very lucky to Achieve a pregnancy on our 3rd. This was our 1st full cycle IVF. I had quite a heavy bleed at 7 weeks so was scanned and told that all was fine and that there was a pregnancy sac with a healthy heartbeat. We were so relieved as you can imagine. I had a routine scan at the clinic at 8 weeks and throughout the scan the consultant was silent i was expecting bad news when he told me they had made a mistake on my earlier scan. The wasn't 1 heartbeat there was 2, i was expecting twins so was obviously over the moon. My pregnancy was going really well and i suffered from no morning sickness or anything. All was well at my 12 week scan and both babies were growing well.
When i was about 16 weeks pregnant i started to feel that something wasn't quite right, it felt like there was something very low down and was causing alot of pressure on my cervix. I spoke to the community midwife and she told me to stop being silly, you are pregnant with twins what do you expect. So i carried on as normal. I got to 17 weeks and 5 days and people kept commenting on how big my bump had got almost overnight and it was rock hard. This day i had terrible backache but just put it down to it being twins. I got home from work and had a bath to try and ease the back pain. After i went downstairs and at 7.32pm my waters broke. My husband rushed me to the hospital where it was confirmed that my waters had gone. They scanned me the next morning and both babies were happy and waving at us. We were then dealt another bombshell by the consultant who told us he recommended that we terminate the pregnancy as the chances of the twins surviving was slim. We couldn't do this so decided to go with the small chance that they might survive. I went home and was put on bedrest, my babies held on for another 4 days before i went into labour. After a 18 hour labour Jake was born at 4.21am and Ben at 6.26am on the 19th May 2007 when i was 18 weeks and 2 days. This was the hardest thing that i have ever had to do as my babies still had heartbeats up until the moment that they were born, they were perfect in every way but just born too early.
They have since found out that i am a strep b carrier and Jake had it in his lungs, Ben was not affected at all. The consultant now believes that i have a weak cervix and that the pressure that i could feel in the weeks leading up to the birth was the sac that Jake was in had dropped down and over time had perforated, the strep b infection got in and caused the premature rupture of mebranes. So if they had listened to me things may have been very different. I have been told that i will need a cervical stitch next time. Sorry my post is so long but it helps me to come to terms with what has happened.

Hayley x
clomid.Ov drilling. Jul 06-IUI-BFN.Nov 06- IUI-BFN. Jan 07-IVF-BFP. TWINS. JAKE AND BEN BORN SLEEPING. Aug 2007-FET-BFN. Oct 2007 -FET-BFN.Jan 2008-IVF-BFN.May 08 -IVF - BFP - M/C. Sep 08 - FET - BFP - TWINS - Born at 29+4.Image
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