Left it too late to have baby - really??

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Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby gracie83 » Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:05 pm

Sorry I am rubbish at writing topic names!

I was just wondering about something the doctor said to me the other day - I don't know how seriously to take her!

Ok I have been told by several doctors now 30 years old maximum for kids. I am 29 now! Now while I want the kids now I am depressingly broody, my husband is saying no- we are too young and to wait until we are 35 odd. Now I just know this is a massive mistake but I cannot see what I can do to change his mind. I barely have periods as it is! I don't think I have ovulated this year! Anyway I have spent enough time hoping he will see sense and change his mind, I have wasted too much emotional energy trying to hang onto a dream of having kids which will not happen. I have decided to go back on the pill again - this in my head is accepting the end of the baby dream by my terms not his!

Anyway I was at the doctors to get the script for the pill and because of my age and childless status she was pushing why I wanted to go on the pill now and I was putting any plans to have kids at risk. I told her the above and got told the facsinating tips of sabotage the condoms, tell him I have started on the pill and just not take it 'just get pregnant - you don't have to tell him! - he will deal with it'! When I picked my jaw off the floor I said no and got her to write the script for me.

While she did this she again said that I am in a now or never situation to have a baby and the odds are not in my favour as it is but if I start on the pill I will have slashed my chances to 0% even if I come off it again before I am 30 as it will take so long to leave my system.

Is it really as doom and gloom as all this? Is 35 far to old? Anyway I have given up now and I start the pill on saturday.
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby kate s » Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:51 pm

I am amazed that this was the attitude of a GP and you were told a load of rubbish in my opinion. I am 35 and have been ttcing for 2 years so I didn't come off the pill until I was 33. As you will see from my signature I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and this is my second pregnancy (the first one unfortunatley ended in mc in September). The pill does not take that long to leave your system and it certainly did not stop me getting pregnant despite taking it until I was 33. The only thing I would say is that it can take years to fall pregnant so be prepared for a long journey. There are some women on here that did have children later and I believe that it is thought that we (PCOS ladies) tend to be fertile for longer as we don't ov every month so have bigger egg stores (someone may correct me on that one).
What I can't believe, and I am frankly shocked by, is that a GP basically told you to trick your husband into getting you pregnant. That is not exactly a healthy way to go about conceiving a child. :shock: I would, however mention to your husband that it might be a long journey and that if you wait too long some fertility treatment may not be available to you if you need it (that will depend on what PCT you are under) but waiting until 35 would not necessarily mean the end of your baby dream. I am sorry you have such ignorant gp!!!
Me - 36 OH - 29
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SA Jan 2011 good
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby Kasha » Thu Mar 22, 2012 7:45 am

kate has pretty much said it.
Look at my signature. I have 2 kids, one who is 3 and one who is 7 mths. I'm ttcing no 3 now. I am 40! I conceived my second child (which ended in a miscarriage sadly) 4 months after coming off the pill, and comceived Teaghan the month after the miscarriage. My first child was a complete shock as like you I had very few periods, and had not been using contraception for 11 yrs! I am absolutely certain my age played a big role in conceiving my children, as once I 35 things seemed to click and my periods went from omce a Preston Guilds to every 90 days.
Your post made me really cross! The attotude of your GP is atrocious. It is not her business if you do not wish to conceive at the moment. I know you do, but bear with me! Your reasons are your reasons alone and she should simply be ensuring that she prescribes the safest drug for you, and that you are informed. Of course she is giving you completely the wrong information too! There are loads of women having their first baby in their mid to late 30s. Through choice as well as necause they have been trying for a long time. 30 is not a 'cut off' for fertility. If it was then why is ivf and other fertility treatment offered to women in their 30s?
You need to speak to a dofferent gp if you ask me!
I think your main issue tho is that you and your partner are at odds over it and this is what needs tackling. If I'm honest I am glad that i didn't have my children til later on, as i feel much more equipped to deal with motherhood, financially and emotionally and professionally too. But whats right for me isnt necessarily right for someone else and i didn't feel like that when we were trying for all those years!
You need to speak honestly with your OH and tell him how you truely feel but don't forget you have to take his feelings into consideration as well as he is part of the family too. You have to make the decision together.
Good luck!

BFP - 7/10/10, sadly miscarried at 6 weeks 15/10/10

BFP - 18/11/10


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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby Hols969 » Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:36 pm

OMG Im shocked at that, a very old fashioned GP I think. Yes probably in an ideal world we should all have them before 30 but some of us havent met our partner or are not ready or want a career etc so it is a little odd in this day and age, I was also 33 when I started to TTC and conceived age 36 and Noah is now 6. You, I would say, have 10 years before you really need to worry, our egg quality remains better than a non pcos lady as well.

Being on the pill increases your chances of conceiving quicker when you come off it as well as your body is in less of a pcos state so I would go back on it till the time.

I think as the other ladies have said, the issue is your husband so you do need to see whether he does really want them or not. I agree with Kasha about age, I think Im a much better mum now than I would have been 10-15 years ago I have to say so there are lots of positives about being an older mum but you do need to think of the fertility aspect if you do need help as the cut off date is often 35 (which is ridiculous also!!) As Kate says, the GP was not right to suggest getting pregnant without your hubbie being ready for it as well, as I have known marriages end for that reason! so do change your gp as she sounds a total ar*e and not up to date at all, being a woman as well makes it even worse I think.
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby gemstone83 » Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:56 am

Hi Gracie

I really feel for you in your situation. I will be 29 in October and at which point will have been ttc for 2 1/2 years. I was the one who 'put off ' having children for a couple of years after I got married as I felt too young although my husband was desperate. I strongly disagree with your doctor about the 'accidental' route and feel a family must have stronger foundations than lies. I must say that I do not feel that 35 is particulary old to have children and when my friends had their and went to their clases the average age was 35 with many ladies around 40 having their first child but on the other hand I must say I bitterly regret not beginnng my ttc journey sooner. I don't want to put a spanner in the works with what the other ladies have said or confuse you but after my own regrets I just wanted to give you a differnt perspective.
TTC since June 2010
August 2011 - Aug 2013 3 first tri miscarriages and a mmc at 12 weeks
Sticky Blood/Hughes Syndrome/APS diagnosed
Lletz November 2012 following abnormal smear
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby beaglelady » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:44 am

Firstly this gp needs shooting!

I didn't start to try ttc until I was 36 and after many years of knowing something was wrong. I was told by my consultant that at 35 your chances are less but still very possible. I think if I had got to him earlier my chances would have been better as my endo etc may have not been as bad.

So I say don't give up.
had the lot pcos endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids. now in early surgical menopause.
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby shinycat » Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:39 pm

What a shocking attitude for a GP, I'd consider making a complaint. #1 you are not leaving it too late and #2 suggesting you trick your husband by slitting the condom is downright unprofessional. I am stunned a medical professional would come out with something like this. We left TTC until we were 30 by choice, as we wanted to be in the financial situation where one of us could leave work to bring the children up. It took us a year to concieve first time (I had no periods at all) but only because of the waiting lists to get a fertility appointment where we lived at the time. This time around we live somewhere else and the referall was more or less immediate and my response to the drugs also quick so we concieved very quickly.

There is no reason at all to assume that as you rarely have preiods it will take you 5 years to concieve. Yes this does happen, but it also happens to women with no diagnosed fertility issue who have periods every 28 days. The good thing about having PCOS is that you have a diagnosis - there are lots of treatments you can try and most women will respond to one of those treatments. As some of the other posters have said, if you have PCOS you actually become more fertile the older you get as, ironically, you have loads of eggs left over whereas other women are starting to exhaust heir supply.

Being on the pill does not impact your fertility. It takes no more than a day or two for the hormones to leave your system (hence why it is possible to fall pregnant if you miss only one or two pills) so you can stop any time you want.

It is tough if you and your husband are not on the same page re when to have kids, but your husband is not "wrong" for saying you are too young, if there are things he needs to get done in his life first, you may have to go with that (asssuming this is a valid reason and not simply an excuse because he doesn't want kids at all and doesn't know how to tell you!). You need to have frank discussion with him and put your own feelings on the table too. But there s nothing worse than having a baby with someone who isn't ready for it.
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby Verve » Sat Jul 14, 2012 7:27 pm

that Doctor had no business telling you that! disgraceful putting pressure on you. x
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Re: Left it too late to have baby - really??

Postby jazlou02 » Thu Apr 04, 2013 5:03 pm

You have had all the comments regarding TTC but I cannot believe your gp said that - that's immoral and your hubby doesn't deserve that! I'm shocked good for you sticking to your guns hope further down the line all works out for you xxxx
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