One step forward - two back

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

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One step forward - two back

Postby beaglelady » Fri Jul 15, 2011 10:20 pm

I had started to feel a little better after my recent hyst and have undergone some counselling which I re-start in a few months. But then just watching Coronation Street tonight watching the miscarriage scenes just brings it all back and I was in floods of tears. I'm beginning to wonder if I am ever going to get over not being a mother. Am I always destined to burst into tears over it.
had the lot pcos endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids. now in early surgical menopause.
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Postby Gill » Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:30 am

im so sorry about ur losses.i hope the counsilling works for you. i had my mmc 4 years ago. :(
it took a while to figure out who had the mc in corrie as it havent watched it yest but a cold shiver came down me when i realised it was Leeanne? Poor girl.
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Postby Gill » Sat Jul 16, 2011 11:28 am

just seen corrie. youre right it did bring back some horrible memories id rather forget. I didnt fall down the stairs but i did stay in hopital overnight crying my heart out. ive never felt pain like it :(
why cant these soaps have a normal story line where u get pregnant stay pregnant and have a baby without someone dying, or being hurt ect???
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Postby beaglelady » Sun Jul 17, 2011 6:46 am

The other thing im finding hard is any type of family do everyone else has children and the conversation is always about them. Also last week when I went to watch my goddaughter dancing the other mums who hadn't met me before just automatically presumed I had children and when I said I couldn't have them you would have thought I had a contagious disease.
had the lot pcos endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids. now in early surgical menopause.
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Postby Kasha » Sun Jul 17, 2011 11:14 am

Oh hun, sending you love.
I remember shortly after my mc last year watching the time travellers wife (don't watch!) i remember my hubby looking over at me with a look of horror on his face.
I don't watch the soaps. Avoid them like the plague tbh (not my cup of tea generally) but there always seems to be some stupid and contraversial storyline going on.
I used to find that the same thing when i told people i couldn't have kids, people treat you like you are abnormal. But i personally found the best way to deal with it was to think they are the people with the problem if they can't deal with what you've said. I obviously now will never have that feeling of not being a mum at all, but before caoimhe came along i did used to try and satisfy myself with the fact that i might not have kids but i could always have kids in my life if that's what i wanted. I was very close to my neices. Absolutely not the same thing as being their mum but in some ways it did help me (i was never maternal tho really until i had caoimhe)
I really wish i could help . I wish i had the answers. I don't know if you will ever 'get over it'. I don't know yet if i will 'get over' my miscarriage either (not looking forward to eventually facing that because i haven't had time to grieve it) maybe you won't. But maybe in time you will be able to look positively on it as hard as that sounds, because although it is an awful experience and reality that you have to face, it is ultimately part of you and your hubby, and it is what makes you the person you are.
The counselling will undoubtedly help once you are back into it. But i do wonder if at some point in the future you should consider using your experiences in a positive manner helping other people too. Maybe that might be something to consider when you feel better. I know it has helped me being able to talk to people having miscarriages at work (i was initially very worried about coming acroas them but was not as bad when i faced it head on as i thought it would be)
I really hope you feel better, be kind to yourself xx
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BFP - 7/10/10, sadly miscarried at 6 weeks 15/10/10
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BFP - 18/11/10

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BFP 07/12
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