any other childless ladies on here

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

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any other childless ladies on here

Postby beaglelady » Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:16 pm

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Last edited by beaglelady on Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
had the lot pcos endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids. now in early surgical menopause.
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Postby wobdot » Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:29 am

Hi, I'm 38, can't adopt due my husband metal state of mind & other factors.

I can't get IVF due to being over the age of 36 & I'm on the large side of life.

Not having kids does some times make me sad knowing that I will never hear the word mummy from a child's lips but I have 4 loving cats who give me hugs & are pleased to see me after a day at work but 95% of the time I'm just enjoying life. I have a good job, wonderful hubby, & a nephew with a niece on the way.

I take each day as it comes, life is hard & cruel, but its in God's hands & this is his plan
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Postby angel wings » Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:25 pm

hi,


i understand where you are both coming from, my husband and i have tried for 13 years, had fertility which didnt work for 12 years, part of me still doesnt want to give the dream up but part of me says i need to move on, its so hard letting go of something that aches your heart so much, :cry:
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby mankybecool » Fri Nov 23, 2012 6:20 pm

depressed as 43 and childless as you said the lords will not ours be done
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby KimsHeart » Mon Nov 26, 2012 3:58 pm

I'm 45 and childless, but not by choice. I was diagnosed with PCOS in my mid to late twenties. Over the years though, my cycle has normalised, going from 2-3 times per year, to every month, usually around the same date. I feel like giving this one last go yet I'm feeling hopeless. I lost a lot of weight (several stones) and got the biggest disappointment of my life. I had my fertility hormones checked prior to weight loss, and they were exactly the same after I lost the weight, still showing pcos. It's a challenge to accept that I cannot change my hormones even though I lost 75% of my excess weight. Being childless is tough as I don't feel that I fit in with society. Every woman I meet seems to want to talk children and live her life through her offspring. I would probably have been the same type of mother, but because I'm not, it's proving difficult to gel with women as they only seem to want to talk about their children. I listen, but sometimes it's hurtful or frustrating. I'm struggling at present
Kim xx

~he who has a 'why' to live for can bear almost any 'how' ~ Nietzsche
~People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges ~ Anonymous
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby beaglelady » Tue Dec 04, 2012 8:16 pm

Kim i completely get how you feel. more to life the childless charity was suggested to me but I've been a bit disappointed with the lack of activity on their forums and events. i do think you also get treated differently by society if you don't have kids. it is an area that also isn't talked about which doesn't help.
had the lot pcos endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids. now in early surgical menopause.
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby KimsHeart » Sat Dec 08, 2012 1:51 pm

I joined M2L expecting to have fun and a social life with other women/couples who are also childless. Whata mistaka to makea! They didn't socialise, and only wanted to talk about how bad life was without children. It frustrates me that I don't seem to fit in with society and I'm not sure how to over come that. Most women I meet only want to talk about their children, as though their identity is wrapped up in their children. I think too that mothers find a friendship bond when they talk about their kids. It means that for me, I cannot get into the conversation, which makes me feel like an outsider. When women have other things to talk about - as well as - their children, it makes things a lot easier for me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being inconsiderate, expecting women to have other things to talk about. This month is also a difficult month for me .. Christmas .. such a difficult time for me as a childless wife. :cry:
Kim xx

~he who has a 'why' to live for can bear almost any 'how' ~ Nietzsche
~People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges ~ Anonymous
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby joy » Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:37 am

Hiya
Kim i totally understand where ur coming from, I'm 42 n have struggled with society since I was told I was infertile in my early 20's, Christmas is always a difficult time and Tbh it doesn't mean that much to me without kids. I found out last year that I have a small chance of getting pregnant after a routine op. I have got s bfp which ended in mc( I was taking Clomid n caught on the last 8th cycle)the nhs won't treat me anymore as I'm too old! I'm still hoping for a miracle but I'm 43 in April so times not on my side. All my friends/ workmates all have children and that's always the topic of conversation which I guess it wud be for me if i had kids but it is upsetting, I try to change the subject which last all of 5mibs before something is said related to kids n then the conversation is turned again!,It's something we will never avoid other than become a hermit! X
Diagnosed infertile(blocked tubes,adhesions) 1992
Ivf x 3 early 90's- mmc triplets & 2bfn
Oct 2011 lap found left tube open!But dont ov
clomid x8 1 molor n 1 ectopic,right tube removed
No more funding due to my age
Natural ov since feb 2013 bfn's
nov 2013 diagnosed hyperplasia
march 2014 decided one last attempt.....ivf!
Scan showed fluid in tube, tube has to clipped before starting short protocl..praying il finally get my miracle at 44 years old!


http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3b92da
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby Hols969 » Tue Dec 11, 2012 5:21 pm

I actually think mum's become quite boring actually as their whole life seems to revolve around their child (me included) so Im probably really dull to talk to actually, some how you do seem to lose yourself when having children, and actually you dont have much else to say......which actually is a little sad in some ways.....
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby KimsHeart » Fri Dec 14, 2012 5:05 pm

Holly, it was a breath of fresh air to read your post. It shows warmth and support for the childless women on the forum. Yet at the same time, I hope it's not too sad for mothers who create an identity for themselves through their children. That's one thing that childlessness is doing for me. It's (almost) forcing me to figure out what my identity is without labelling myself. It's a work in progress

Joy, it's true ... we are surrounded by children talk where ever we seem to go and as you've said, unless we become hermits, we cannot avoid the conversations or situations. It's a difficult one to cope with at times, and I know that I've almost become a hermit. It's the hermit lifestyle I want to get free from. Life is unfair and it rains on the just and on the unjust, but for me, I want to grab hold of life and embrace it rather than being afraid and ending up fleeing it. There's gotta be more out there, and maybe if I keep searching, I'll find it. Children may be in my future, or they may not be, but I keep thinking that there is something out there that I'm missing. My biggest issue at present is accepting what I can't change. I realise that people have to accept many things they cannot change, but for me it's my fertility. I've been fighting against the acceptance, and the fight is wearing me down. I feel that it would be more beneficial for me to put my energy into something productive. What that is though I'm not sure. I'll keep searching.
Kim xx

~he who has a 'why' to live for can bear almost any 'how' ~ Nietzsche
~People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges ~ Anonymous
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby ZM » Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:57 pm

Most of our good friends from uni have now had children and as we don't they now tend to mix with other people with children, so long term friendships have faltered. I also think there is a real issue with society that it is deemed acceptable to question a woman about her childlessness. To be honest it upsets my husband more than me as he feels I have been sidelined by a lots of friends and family for my "inadequacy". There has been a lot of pressure from his family and a general undercurrent of "it would be understandable if he left me for a more fertile model".

We have loads of pets and we take in waifs and strays so my "mothering instinct" is very well used. About five years ago I decided to take up horse riding again (which I loved as a child). It has been a real eye opener to mix in with this group of people as the attitudes to childlessness are vastly different. It is perfectly acceptable to surround yourself with pets and actually choose not to have children. Even those who do have children do not really talk about them any more than their dogs, cats, horses etc... I can openly say that children are not part of my life and that I'm OK with it without the women being at all horrified. In this group I feel very normal, and included. It has been completely liberating and I now have very close friendships where I do not feel the need to hold something back. I also find I am not judged on how I look anymore (which really helps when the PCOS is bad) they don't care if I turn up in scruffy clothes, bad skin with no make up and with my hair like a birds nest. I think finding a group of really genuine people, who are similar to yourself by situation or choice goes a very long way to accepting who you are without children and dealing with the other issues PCOS brings. I am at the point where I love my life as it is so if it is to be a childless one then that is fine by me.
Self diagnosed: 1999
Formally diagnosed after much pressure!: 2005
Current regime: Massive amounts of weight bearing exercise, and controlled diet. Have taken/tried Metformin, Dianette, Yasmin, Marvelon, Accutane. Now on Spearmint, Agnus Castus and low dose Spirinolactone.
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby Hols969 » Mon Jan 20, 2014 4:19 pm

We have 5 dogs because we were told we wouldn't have children, so bred Jack Russell's instead, but then did manage to conceive so have 1 child and 5 dogs....!! I agree though I think people who don't have children are looked at differently, also why is it when you get married it is presumed you will start a family straight away, it's presumed you would want children and you are unnatural to not what them.... Find society weird at the best of times I have to say, no one has any thought or sympathy for others and think 'their way' is the right way. Each to their own I think!!
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby wobdot » Mon Jan 20, 2014 5:34 pm

Hi, I was told that me & my husband can't have children, so just got on with our lives. We have 4 cats & life was going along swimming until September 2012 when I found out I was pregnant, but 4 weeks later I had a MMC.

Unfortunately my husband died suddenly 15th December aged 36 :( so any chance of falling pregnant has stopped. :roll:
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby Hols969 » Mon Jan 20, 2014 6:04 pm

oh blimey wobdot, how shocking, still very raw I expect xx
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Re: any other childless ladies on here

Postby wobdot » Mon Jan 20, 2014 6:31 pm

Just a bit, not only losing my hubby but my whole life has changed
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