selfish ranting post really sorry.

[KatKennedy]

Hi all,

I am really sorry to post this it is really selfish. I have been reading and following posts on Verity for a long time but rarely have the courage to post myself. But today I have got myeslf all upset and didn't know where to turn.

My friend has just given birth today to a little girl. I am obviously happy for her and happy that both mum and baby are ok. Me and my husband are not activiely trying right now but we are not not trying if that makes sense Right now I am concentrating on getting myself healthy and lose some weight.

What makes it sooo hard is that she did not plan to get pregnant and is not in a great place right now. She was even on contrapception and it makes me so jealous that she was able to conceive and have a healthy little girl. Even more challenging I have just found out she is calling her the name we were thinking about if we had a girl.

I am desperately trying to just be pleased for her and really want to be able to be there for her and meet her little girl and I HATE feeling so jealous and angry. I feel so selfish that all I can think is "Its not fair". I want to have a temper tantrum MY husband is great and says our time will come and it will be more special and points out that it may not be difficult for us when we start really trying to conceive. But we have to weight untill he knows he has a contract for next year in work and I need to lose more weight and get healthier but still I just want to cry and I am not sure I can go and see them yet!

How do you deal with these feelings?

I am sorry this is such a long ranting post, I even feel selfish for posting this as we haven't been not using contraception for long and not seriously trying yet and I know that some of you are much further along the journey. so thank you for reading and I am sorry again.

Kat

[kate s]

I understand how you are feeling. We have two young female teachers who are in their first year (NQT's) and both of them have fallen pregnant this year (I am a mentor to both of them). Neither of them were trying to fall pregnant as iti s not a great time for either of them having worked at a place for less than a year. I have had to watch both of them develop baby bumps and chatter about pregnancy and babies whilst I sit there having been actively ttc for 15 months and have now been referred to a fertility clinic. Hard doesn't even begin to describe it. At least they are not personal friends and I won't have to deal with it once they have gone on mat leave.

What a nightmare that she used the name you were saving, I take it she doesn't realise that. I will be hard for you but know that being jealous of others is not unusual but you really have to try to not let it consume you. As you say you are happy for her and once you start actively ttc you may find you are one of the lucky ones that it happens for quickly. If not there are routes you can take to still become a mum.

Just remember you are not alone and there is always someone to listen on here who understands.

Kate xx

[looey82]

Hi Kat,

It's very difficult isn't it. I think most of us can identify with this to one extent or the other. That feeling of it's just not bloody fair and wanting to kick and scream about it all.
The only thing I've found that helps is to rant and also to hear that others (on here) feel the same too.
I hope you don't mind me saying but I really don't think this post belongs here though. This section is generally for people moving on after it just not going to happen for them, and you haven't begun to ttc properly yet. I think the ttc section would be a better place and I'm sure you'd get lots of empathetic/sympathetic responses.
xxxxxx

[beaglelady]

Kat

I don't think there isn't one of us who haven't felt like this at some point.

My ttc journey is now over and I have to get my head around the fact it will never happen for me so feel this way too probably even more now.

I wish you lots of luck

[Sakari]

I can relate to a degree, honey.

My mum fell pregnant accidentally just after my diagnosis; it seemed like a cruel twist of fate. I now have a beautiful little sister who I'm so grateful for but I can't help feeling a little jealous.

My best friend [whom I see everyday] is 17 weeks pregnant [also unplanned] and although I'm happy for her, the feelings of resentment are creeping up. Stay strong hun! If you or anyone else fancy a talk, just send me a PM :0)

((BIG HUGS))

[tashk]

Thank god i have found this topic as i thought i was the only one who was feeling this way. At the moment i have 2 close friends who are pregnant and a friend of a friend who is pregnant with her 4th child. None of them were planned and they werent even TTC. I like these women but i feel so jealous. Also i have a god daughter that lives 4-5 hrs away from me and it hurts so much that i cant see her everyday. I have a heavy ache in my heart that wont go away. What makes it worse is i have my 1st wedding anniversary and my 33rd birthay in the next 2 weeks. I thought id be pregnant by now and it hurts so much.

[Trinket]

My heart goes out to you and I can relate to how you're feeling. I constantly find myself feeling exactly the same way!

I have a similar story, in some ways. My childhood friend conceived a baby without any effort at all. She had planned it, but she wasn't then and isn't now in a good place to be raising a little one. She works 60 hours a week at a dollar store and her husband doesn't work at all and won't find a job because he keeps claiming that he's "overly qualified" for the work that is currently available. I feel so frustrated and jealous and hopeless for myself and my husband, because we had waited until we were in a good place financially before we even thought about trying. Now, here we are, facing the possibility we may never have a baby of our own, and my childhood friend was able to have one like it was nothing!

I find myself thinking, "Why me..?" a lot. I remember there are women out there who are struggling with these feelings like I am, but it doesn't seem to help me any. Every time I hear about a coworker or friend getting pregnant, I feel like my heart just bursts.

I wish you all the best, and I hope that your time will come soon!