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How to cope with others announcing their pregant.

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Me too...

Postby wanderlustlost » Sat Feb 18, 2012 1:16 pm

A lot of my friends are having babies at the moment. The most painful (for me) though was when a good friend who also has PCOS finally got pregnant...I was happy for her. I know she knows the struggle. But it made me sad too.

So now she's in labour and posting about how much contractions hurt and how she didn't realise before what it was like to give birth. Another friend posted to her blog saying something like "I remember being surprised by how much contractions hurt too". Add to that that another friend of ours is having a boy in a few months and is posting things like "Now your daughter and my son can be friends! I can't wait for the play dates".

I know I'm happy for her, for both of them...but right now I don't feel it. Because as soon as that baby comes out she'll be on the other side of that line...a line I can't cross. They all become mothers and are on the other side of the invisible barrier. Because even though I know my PCOS friend will never say it to me that now she's a mum she's thinking it- "You're not a mum. You don't know what it's like."

And I just needed to say something to somebody who understands. Because this KILLS.
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Location: Cardiff, Wales

Coping with other

Postby NeetaLu » Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:53 pm

Hi Everyone,

I'm so relieved, although also saddened to, that there are others that feel the same way I do about friends and pregnancies. I am truly happy for people who become parents but left with a deep sadness that never fails to bring a tear.

I'm going to a friend and her fiances house for dinner tonight with my other half. She's due to give birth in April. Shes also invited her cousin and partner and there 10month old baby. I'm not sure if I can go through with the evening. I'm usualy so strong in tough situations but with this I'm not so sure. Do I face up to it and risk coming across as distant as I stay quiet and just keep trying to internalise everything or do I stay home? I'm frightened that if I try and engage in conversation my voice will waiver as I try to hold back the tears.

I just don't know what to do. My partner doesn't know how I feel and is typical in any sort of emotional situation....he just stays mute.

Big hug to everyone who feels this

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Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:19 pm

Postby baglady5 » Sat Feb 18, 2012 11:12 pm

I know how everyone feels on here. Reading the posts have brought tears to my eyes. The in laws where baby siiting their grandson last week and if i would have known b4 hand i would have stayed at home.
This pain thats inside just wont go away. some days i feel like i can deal with it but mostly i cant and no-one around me understands because they all have kids.
I know that this well never go away unless i have a child one day, and if it never happens i think i will be sad, bitter and emotionally unstable for the rest of my days. :cry: .
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Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:05 pm

Re: How to cope with others announcing their pregant.

Postby AimeeJeanWilson » Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:30 pm

Hi Girls.. Im Aimee. I Am In Your Boat.. Now Its All Over Social Network Sites And I See Pictures And I Wanna Cry..
I Know At Least 3 People That Have Lost There Kids Due To Their Lack Of Parenthood And I Get So Mad....!!!!!!
Same Feelign Goes When I See A Woman Who Goes Out 2 Weeks After Her Babys Born... HELLO YOU HAVE THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD... !!!
I Am Not A Bad Person And Was Raised By My Mum. And She Went Out.. Very Rarely But Seeing These KIDS Who Thinks A Child Is A Nice Little COOL Accessorie Makes me Sick. Id Love To Be A Mum More Than Anything In The World And Im Just Upset That These Women Can Concive And Have That And I Cant. I Dont Do Drugs, I Dont Drink Every Weekend And I Dont Sleep Around. I Tidy My Home And Make Sure My Partner And I Have A Great Life.!!
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Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2012 10:40 pm

Re: How to cope with others announcing their pregant.

Postby bumpkin » Thu May 10, 2012 1:36 pm

I know this is an old post but i just need to rant i'm afraid.

My best friend announced she is expecting again in January - this will be the second unplanned pregnancy (the first was 2 weeks after meeting her now husband) and in the spur of the moment said she wasn't sure she really wanted to be tied down with a 2 year old and a newborn and it would be easier if it hadn't happened. She was then mortified as she knows about my PCOS. She then didn't speak to me for 3 months - bearing in mind we used to see each other once a week. she now says it was because she was feeling emotional (obviously because of the pregnancy) and felt like it was unfair of her to be excited about the baby when i was going through everything.

I know that she was just trying to spare my feelings, although not the best way to go about it and we can now discuss the baby without her becoming too uncomfortable - i even felt it kick.

However, i have just been advised that my other 2 friends are both 3 months along so my 3 closest friends are all pregnant, have been for a while and are all due within the same 2 months. I've had a cry and am now happy for them but wish that they didn't a) not invite me places with them or b)Talk about anything other than the fact that they are all pregnant when i am there! I am also dreading it when all the babies come along, because it would be hard even without PCOS not being part of the mummy club, but knowing it might never happen, heartbreaking.

My partner and i have agreed that we will have a baby one day whether it does turn out to be naturally, IVF or adoption but its just really hard when your putting on a brave face and people still treat you differently. I might as well have gone crazy in front of them! i do know they are just trying to be sensitive for me but right now it is upsetting me more than when i found out!

Ok, sorry about this, rant over
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Re: How to cope with others announcing their pregant.

Postby emanle » Wed Feb 20, 2013 11:01 pm

I know how you feel - my best friend had her second unplanned little girl 6months ago, my other friend her first little girl, my other friend her first little boy and my other friend had identical twin boys last week! All of us were bridesmaids at my best friends wedding, and if it wasn't hard enough being the only one without a baby, the whole world seems so keen to exclaim "it's funny your the only one left of the bridesmaids not married or new baby in the year since the wedding" or "you two will be next" to me and my boyfriend!

I am 25 and was diagnosed with PCOS 15months ago and haven't handled it well at all - my life is getting back on track now and I have lost 2 stone since diagnosis! Boyfriend of 6 years hasn't quite got I over the past year and the year before being diagnosed which is why we are not engaged or trying for a baby yet, but fingers crossed he is getting there!

As I said struggling at the moment with being the only non-mother in my group of friends and the change in dynamic! I don't mind discussing baby stuff and being restricted to each others houses, but struggling with all the pictures etc of new families and firsts! Also the feeling that whenever I am holding a child people who know have a kind of pitying look (prob me being paranoid I know) and are never quite honest about it all!

Anyway my fight will continue - 4 stone to go and counting!
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