How to cope with others announcing their pregant.

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How to cope with others announcing their pregant.

Postby Karengray » Sun Sep 06, 2009 9:15 pm

Just been told by one of my friends that they are pregant. My husband and I started trying for a baby 3 years ago. I have had PCOS for 10 years. I just get so upset when others announce they are expecting. Need some help dealing with this. My husbands brother has had two babies since we started trying. Was ok when they annouced the first, but in pieces when they annouced the second. What can I do?
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Postby barnsleywiccan » Mon Sep 07, 2009 8:26 pm


Hi I know the feeling, it's hard :( My uncles latest partner already has 4 kids (all to different dads of course) and not long after my diagnosis in Feb 09 they announced she was expecting her 5th child!!!!

It's hard but at the moment I am trying to tell myself I WILL be a mum one day (I am only in my late 20's) but sometimes it doesn't help the matter.

In a way I would now prefer to adopt but then comes the vicous circle of not been able to afford to leave my parents house and therefore no adoption agency will give me the time of day. :(
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Postby Mrs_Boggins » Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:51 pm

My 18 year old sister, who's in a "turbulent" relationship to say the least, told me she was accidentally pregnant a couple of weeks ago and is still deciding whether to keep the baby. The unfairness of it all makes me so mad I could spit.
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Postby barnsleywiccan » Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:39 pm

I found out yesterday that my older sister is expecting her first child!! So gonna have two births within my family in the next year plus one of my best friends from school is too. Am pleased about my sister but still jealous and wishing it was me :cry:
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Postby Verve » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:46 pm

My teenage sister has just had a baby and as a family we were all upset given her young age however, I know she's going to be such a good mum and that makes me happy. My sister knows I am likely to be childless for a while and I think she often feels awkward speaking to me about the joys of motherhood. When I went to see her in hospital I was getting the usuall comments 'it will be you next' and I could sense peoples discomfort. I don't ever want her to feel like that and therefore make sure that I am always in contact and ALWAYS play a part in my nephews lie, the last thing I ever want to do it be bitter. I am preparing myself for the fact that my teenage sister and other siblings may have more children. as time goes on this may be hard for me but I don't want folk pussyfooting around me either because it often makes it worse.
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Postby Helen84 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:09 am

I too have the same feelings/emotions. My sister had a miscarriage, then became pregnany 6 weeks later or something. She Is due any day now. She still lives at home with my parents. I am married, have a mortgage etc. Doesnt seem fair! But my sister is really great and positive! She knows we are having problems but still says about cousins for her baby! I think its sweet. She has asked me to be there for the birth with the babies dad which i really want to be. All depends one when baby comes and if im working or not. I find it easier to cope now.

The thing that hurts me the most is my husbands best friend and his wife are expecting, neither of them have a job!! They also announced their pregnancy the same day we saw our Doc and she said we may need IVF! So really not good timing. I found this harder to cope with. Also another friend, who has a severe auto immune liver disease (my husband has auto immune liver disease and collitis) has found out she is pregnant. I am happy for her and it gives me hope! But we know our infertlilty has nothing to do with his liver!

Its hard, but i think if we all try our hardest to stay positive! But everyday seeing other people and their babies walking down the street just makes me think about it. Funny thing is at work i dont! I work in a Mat ward and i switch off there. But just in everyday situations is when the feelings are there!
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Postby carojohnson18 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:19 am

i get mixed emotions, my best friend is now onto her 3rd, they decided on the night of my wedding in september to start trying, within a few weeks she was pregnant!! she didn't tell me until she was a good few weeks along, and she had spoken to my BBF (Bristol best friend!) about it, as she was worried how i would react, of course i was estatic i will be having another godchild, but it does hurt when i see them, and i get a bit bitter, but i can't hold it against them when it's me that can't have the children, another one of my friends is due to drop in a few weeks, last time i saw her was at xmas and she had a perfet bump, so i am expecting to see her at the weekend massive and stealing my clothes!! i don't mind, as i love her kids so much and they love me and DH and it's great to have them running around the house, and it reminds me that we will one day have it, but we just have to keep on at it.

What annoys me is when people pop them out and abuse them, it made us think that we might adopt or foster for the time being to help those not so fortunate.
You smile because I'm different; I laugh because your all the same!

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TTC since October 2008
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A paranormal investigator/pencil pusher/psychic medium/domestic goddess...... just not all at once!!!
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Postby carojohnson18 » Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:57 am

GAAAAAAAA!!!! my close friend has just told me she is pregnant on sunday! of course i was so pleased! but it hit me yesterday after feeling estatic all day that alas it's not me, and burst into tears! managed to compose myself and watch TV with the DH, until he said "i wonder if we are ever going to have kids....." of course i actually told him to Foxtrot Oscar and went to bed! i don't think he quite knows how much an innocent comment like that really hurts me, as i know it's my problem we are not pregnant. He tries to make it feel better by saying, well it could be me, but i know there is nothing wrong with him, it's me, i've not had a period for 18 months appart from the horror or an induced one (and due to do another one in a few weeks and i'm dreading it!) and i don't seem to be loosing the weight, i know i need to up my exercise, but i do find that hard once you have done everything at home to actually have time or the energy to do any form of exercise! I feel crap now for crying last night, i didn't sleep well, i think i'm driving myself mad with all this and all my friends going through pregnancies, my friend is being induced on the 1st april, and i know DH will want to go round and meet her, but i just find it too hard now to even look at babies and kids! ARGH!!
You smile because I'm different; I laugh because your all the same!

-------------------------
TTC since October 2008
Diagnosed finally Jan 2010

A paranormal investigator/pencil pusher/psychic medium/domestic goddess...... just not all at once!!!
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Postby ChloeP123 » Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:17 pm

my friend is now pregnant with her 2nd unplanned child. the first was conceived within a month of her meeting her BF. DRIVES ME MAD, i cant remember how to feel happy for people's baby news anymore.

and my little sisters 18 yr old mate has just found out shes pregnant and shes in Malia parting away, and is going to have an abortion straight away when she gets back. i heard her n my sister laughin about it on the phone. life is so so cruel.

Im not a violent person but ive never felt so angry.
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Postby Verve » Thu Sep 23, 2010 6:01 pm

I'm actually thinking that it may be better to stay away from pregnant folk at the mo. I talked about this in another post but one of my friends kept her pregnancy from me for ages and was just as awkward when she eventually did tell me. I have tried being nice but she is clearly avoiding me. The way I feel I could happily tell her where to go. (for want of another word). I know this is not the right attitude but I can't be bothered to pre occupy myself with other people's awkwardness it's their problem grrrrr!!!!!!
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Postby waterlily01 » Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:38 pm

hi,

Each time I hear of someone else who is pregnant, I think, 'Its ok. Be happy for them. It will be me one day.' But as time goes on, everytime I spend time with my friends who have children I just cant control my emothions and spend the following week in a deep depression.

Part of me knows that I shouldnt avoid my firends, their baby bumps, and children, but another part of me needs to protect itself!

ITs so sad that I dont see my friends much anymore, but until I learn to deal with the jealousy and deep deep sadness, I cant keep doing it to myself.
diagnosed Feb 08
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Postby looey82 » Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:08 pm

Waterlily,
Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. Tbh, I don't think I'll ever be able to deal with my jealousy and sadness.
I've been going to see a counsellor since losing my baby girl and she's told me to stay away from pregnant SIL and others in that's what I fell like doing. She said that there's only us who know how we can feel and we have to protect ourselves. Do what you feel you need to to limit how much it hurts. If that means not seeing people, then so be it. I haven't seen SIL at all during her pregnancy as it's too hard (her 2nd since we've been ttc)
I felt better after the counsellor told me to as I felt like I had permission and was following orders! iykwim! I feel a real sadness that our relationship with DH's family has been more and more distant since our fertility problems and losses but I guess like most things to do with ttc- it's out of our hands.
Try not to beat yourself up about feeling jealous- I'm jealous every day of my life now. I just really hope that you get to be a mum soon and these feelings will just be a distant memory.
Love Looey xxxx
TTC Mar 08
Clomid#1 May 09-BFP- MMC at 9+2wks
Natural BFP- Dec 09! Lost baby girl at 18+5 wks due to pPROM
12 clomid cycles & 2 x FSH injections with IUI- BFNs
IVF#1- 25 eggs, 8 fertilised, 1 back + 4 frosties!
IVF BFP- Clexane & prog injections, low dose steroids & aspirin
Aug 12- DS born at 27+5wks after 10 weeks of problems
TTC#2 Nov 13
Mar 14- FET 1 embryo transfered- BFP- early MC
IVF DD born at 34+4wks Apr 2015
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Postby missus griff » Mon Nov 15, 2010 10:27 pm

I am glad I just saw your post looey about what your counsellor said about staying away from pg people if that's what you feel like doing. I am going to follow his orders too! I have been avoiding as many pregant friends / family & newborns as much as I can...and even though I feel a bit guilty and weird about doing so...I kind of feel ok :? much better than the stress I feel when I actually see them.

Just gotta think of an excuse now to miss a family gathering at christmas where my cousin will be there with a newborn. I got myself in a right state this weekend thinking about it as I know they will want me to hold the baby and how do you say 'no thank you, i'd rather not' :? Will have to come up with a plan to miss the occasion altogether I think...i'm pretty bah humbug when it comes to christmas anyway!
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Postby Trinket » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:34 am

I keep my distance. I am really and truly happy for those that have made their announcements and had their little ones. I promise I am! But my heart can't take it. So I have to step away from it.

On Facebook, I have hidden many of my long time friends' posts from showing up on my news feed because of pregnancy announcements and baby talk. I couldn't handle it all.
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Postby blou1 » Sun Aug 28, 2011 8:43 am

This is an old post I know, but Looey, Trinket and Waterlily, I could have written what you did. The pain and awkwardness caused by friend's pregnancies is just too much for me. I have tried to put on a brave face and go along to bbqs and dinners etc, but I too then completely flipout when I get home and spend days feeling sorry for myself. I even feel like this about friend's I know struggled to conceive and I feel so bad about that but it's because their journey is now over, and I'm the only one still on this hellish path. And I've found that people easily forget how ttc feels once they get their bfp.....
There's no alternative though is there? We just have to deal with it all somehow and if that means avoiding friend's for self preservation, so be it I guess.
TTC #1 since 01/10
Me:34
irregular cycles in 2010 after stopping Pill
02/11- U/S shows polyps & PCO
04/11- CD3 bloods fine. Start acupuncture weekly
06/11-L+D & hystero, polyp removed, all clear
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DH:32, all fine
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First IVF cycle (short protocol)
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