Childless and sad

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

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Childless and sad

Postby sunflower » Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:30 pm

Hello

Am feeling quite low and sad. Have been ttc for over 4 years including attempts with Clomid. Last year could have pursued IVF but Hubby was really not interested as 'it's not natual', even found that he was really put off by Clomid by using excuses that he was too tired or didn't feel like it at the 'right' time of month, despit feeling like 'it' at other times.

This year have taken a break from ttc to ease the pressure, but instead of being able to agree to try again it's just widening a gap between us.

Adoption is not an option for Hubby as he can't face the idea of having someone elses child.

I feel really alone as despite his protests that he's not against having children the actions made seem to indicate that he doesn't really want them. Even though I get upset i am getting no support from him.

I'm so low. The situation is totally breaking my heart as whilst I still love my Husband he seems to be becoming more and more distant.

I suspect that he would be happy not to have children even though he says he would.

Am so sad.

Anyway better go now.
sunflower
 
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Postby ~Emz~ » Thu Aug 13, 2009 11:22 am

Oh hun, you sound like you need a big hug.

You also sound you like you have some big decisions to make, and I know how hard that is to even admit, nevermind actually do!
Me and my ex-husband were trying for about 2 years, and all along he dragged his heels, every appointment and every medical bill seemed to 'annoy' him, and I know now he was just going through with it to keep me quiet. Eventually my first miscarriage was the final straw, he was cold, distant and totally unsupportive and while I still loved him, I knew that if he couldn't support me through that difficult time, then we stood little chance of making it long term and it became blindingly clear that we had totally grown apart.
Now I'm not saying you should think about ending your marriage, TTC'ing is one bloody long, hard journey and it has the capacity to make or break you as a couple. I just think that before you think about taking any more steps to becoming a parent, you need to fix your relationship. If you don't resolve these issues, you'll be stuck with feelings of regret, resentment, and eventually hate, anger and bitterness.
I would strongly recommend some kind of counselling, either just for you or as a couple. I had counselling for myself and I can just about say it saved my life!

I really hope you find the strength to work through this with your husband and resolve these issues that are pushing you apart......and if not, then I wish you the best of luck in making the right decision.

Look after yourself hun.x
TTC on and off since Sep 06
Various treatments - HSG, Clomid, Laparoscopy & Ovarian Drilling
2 x natural BFP's - both early mc's :cry:
2010 - Trying Soy Isoflavones - getting good results so far! Fingers crossed!

Image
~Emz~
 
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Location: Sheffield, South Yorks.

Postby tatie » Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:53 pm

Think Emz is spot on with her advice here. We went to the counsellor at the fertility clinic - does yours offer this service? We went together to help us decide to stop ttc and move on to adoption and I have been a few times on my own too. It really does help and these people have seen all our stories before although that doesn't mean yours isn't unique to you, they often have an excellent insight into how you are feeling and that can be a real relief.

BIG HUG and do stay in touch even if you return to the ttc section x
tatie
 
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Location: Coventry

Postby hope07 » Sun Aug 16, 2009 1:54 pm

Just wanted to send a (((HUG))) We've been TTC now for nearly 4 years and suffered several mc's- people really don't realise how hard it is to keep trying X
7 -1st Trimester M/C's- TTC since Oct 05

Mummy to two beautiful children
1 DS- IVF
1 DD- Natural BFP
hope07
 
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Postby Verve » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:49 pm

So sorry to hear of your upset Sunflower but don't ever give up if a baby is what you want x
Verve
 
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