selfish post - first SW visit

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selfish post - first SW visit

Postby Grimbal » Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:38 am

morning ladies, apologies for this selfish post but am feeling very stressed and anxious today.

After submitting our forms about 2 months ago, we have our initial SW visit this afternoon (4pm). I know that they're going to raise bmi as a cause for concern, but I'm really hoping that they won't just dismiss us on the spot or give us a "deadline" weight loss target. I've been irritable, snappy & just generally no fun to be around & have just had an argument with Mr.G. I am sitting here at work almost bursting into tears as I type this.
Does anyone have any experience & advice that they can offer on how to get through this initial meeting, especially with relevence to my particular worries please ?

thanks !

Liz
x
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1880f8
TTC since June 07. Involuntarily childless: clomid 5x 50mg all BFN. BMI>30 = no to adoption too :O(
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Postby debbie » Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:04 pm

Hi Liz

How are you doing? How did it go?

Wish I had seen this sooner to wish you luck.

x x x
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Postby Ruby » Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:16 pm

Hi Hun

Sorry, didn't see this till now! How did it go?

I hope the SW managed to answer some of your questions and put you at ease about the process.

What did they say about bmis? This would be a factor for myself and DH if we decide to go ahead too. I have the application forms sitting next to the sofa, we're just waiting for our fertility appointment on the 27th to decide what to do.

Interested to know how things go, hope you don't mind sharing.

*hugs*
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Postby emski87 » Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:35 pm

hope everything went ok hun xxxx
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Postby Grimbal » Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:41 pm

thanks for the replies guys. Unfortunately didn't go well at all. We both have to get our bmis to 30. They won't progress the application at all until we're there. There is no way that that is possible

feel devastated
Liz
x
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TTC since June 07. Involuntarily childless: clomid 5x 50mg all BFN. BMI>30 = no to adoption too :O(
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Postby nickim34 » Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:59 pm

Hi Liz i am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.
Although i know nothing regarding the whole adoption route i just felt i had to comment on the injustice of weight being a issue.
I myself am 9 weeks pregnant with a bmi of over 35 does that make me unfit to be mother should i give my baby away then.
Sorry i just think that it is so unfair when good people like yourself just want to love a child and cant because they are overweight.
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Postby Ruby » Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:09 pm

That is shocking! 30 is unrealistic for some people... sorry, we don't all fit into the perfect range BMI model!!!!

I am so angry on your behalf (and for my own sake as there is no chance I'll ever get my BMI down to 30)!

Could you go with another agency? I know you can only apply to one agency at a time, but maybe one of the others will be more flexible? From my research we can go through the council or the charity organisations - we are trying the council first.

*huge hugs*
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Postby emski87 » Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:26 pm

Thats awful x

It's so sad that people are denied being parents because of weight x

I have got to get my weight down so my BMI is about 29, but I have told them, If I look ridiculous, then I will put some weight back on x I am of quite muscular build anyway, I can't help that, so I might not look normal or alive with a BMI of 29! xx

I don't see them telling women who are pregnant with a BMI of over 30 "I'm sorry your overweight, we won't be helping you with your pregnancy!" x

It really annoys me x

I'm so sorry that this is happeneing x PCOS has alot to answer for xx

I found this article for you to read, interesting that a doctor has commented at the bottom x

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6056516.stm

and this

http://junkfoodscience.blogspot.com/2007/06/to-fat-to-love-child.html

xxx

forgot to add....keep your chin up hun, it will work out in the end, although right now it seems an impossible task xxx we are all here for you xx
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Postby debbie » Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:38 pm

Devestated for you Liz. And terribly disgusted!!! How dare they judge you on your weight. I am utterly appalled. So, it's OK for a junkie mother to have her child etc. etc. but because of our weight and difficulty in having children we can't adopt either.

Bloody outrageous!!!!

Sorry, I feel so strongly about this.

x x x
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Postby hope07 » Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:45 pm

Hi LIz- I've already commented on another thread about BMI's- and it makes me sooooo soooooo mad- why on earth does weight matter?! Surely a loving home is the most important thing- sometimes it really makes me wonder- Sending you massive ((HUGS))- (Sorry for the little rant, but its wrong that good people are judged in such a way-)

Hope X
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Postby Hols969 » Sun Apr 19, 2009 7:12 pm

How on earth did Dawn French manage it as I bet hers wasnt 30 or under. Ridiculous.
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Postby Grimbal » Mon Apr 20, 2009 8:29 am

thanks for your kind words & support. I'm still feeling a bit shell-shocked at the moment. I'd imagined she would say that our bmis were an issue & that we needed to show that we were doing something pro-active towards reducing them, but I never imagined that it would be a straight refusal to even start off the process until we hit that magic 30. I actually don't believe that we would ever bwe able to get to 30 - 35 perhaps at a pinch, no way 30. So, that's it, we now have to deal with the prospect of never becoming a family ever. To say that I'm heartbroken is understating things.

Liz
x
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1880f8
TTC since June 07. Involuntarily childless: clomid 5x 50mg all BFN. BMI>30 = no to adoption too :O(
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Postby emski87 » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:50 am

im so sorry hun that you feel like this x

Maybe if you perhaps try to lose the weight, and then if your BMI is about 35ish then you might be considered as you have shown that you are willing and want it so much xx

I know right now it seems a long way off, and believe me I know how you feel, having to lose about 6 stone myself to get my bmi down to the magic 30, but you will get lots of support on here x

really hope everything works out for you

emz xxxx
Diagnosed PCOS: October 2007
HSG: clear :)

Metforin slow release 500mg twice a day
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Postby Flo » Wed Apr 22, 2009 12:32 pm

Hi Liz, I am so sorry that you are going through this, I can imagine you are utterly devasted.

We are also in the same position, we know for certain that my husband can not father a child, so we know that we would either need help or would have to look at adoption, and I know that they would not come near us at the moment.
It makes me so cross when you see so many people that are unfit to be parents so easily having children that they don't even really seem to want that badly. And then people tell you that you really don't know what love is until you have had a child of you own...

I am scared because I know it will take me a long long time to get to a low enough BMI, and I worry that I will be too old by then, feel like I have stuffed my own life up.

Liz, I know I can't say anything to make you feel better, but this forum shows that you are not on your own.
Thinking of you and your partner

Flo
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Postby tatie » Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:26 pm

Just as a matter of interest - I read Dawn French's autobiography recently - it's called Dear Fatty. It was like looking in a mirror. The chapter in which she writes to Lenny about how hard all their IVF cycles were and how she had to endure enforced weightloss before adopting their daughter made me cry. She was twelve stone when they got married apparently - but not for long I imagine!

I loved reading it and I think of her often now that I know she's been in the same boat.
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