Accepting childlessness

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

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Accepting childlessness

Postby grace » Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:03 pm

I just wanted to say that for anyone who has reached the point where they are facing a lifetime of being childless - please don't despair. I have just celebrated my 50th birthday and am childless. This may seem very sad to some but my life is very far from sad! Strangely enough for me, I have some of the symptoms of PCOS (skin/hair problems) but have never been properly diagnosed. When we found out we couldn't conceive I assumed it was to do with me but all my tests were ok and it turned out that my DH had an extremely low sperm count with low motility. To cut a long story short, we had ICSI treatment which failed, considered adoption and donor but felt that it wasn't for us. For many years I debated whether to have more treatment but very slowly the torture of TTC slowly subsided and I got on with my life. I have lots of childless friends (although they are childless through choice) and all of them are happy and fulfilled, which is a great role model for me. I am an aunt, great aunt and now a great-great aunt and godmother so I have plenty of kids around me. I have my hobbies and my pets and I'm just thankful really that I'm healthy and happy. I know that it would have been great to have been a mother but, as they say, you can't miss what you don't have, and life isn't really all that bad at all.
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Postby MidsomerMadness » Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:24 pm

I totally agree with what Grace has said, as I've previously posted, just because you can't have children doesn't mean you can't have a happy life, I too, am an auntie and great auntie, also a stepmum to a grown up who has his own son now so I am a step nana.

I suppose in a way it didn't bother me too much because I must admit to not being particularly maternal, although I do love other people's babies/children.

My animals (2 dogs, 2 cats) and my DH are my life and I really couldn't be happier.

So please, don't dispair, but embrace what you have got and remember, there are a lot of people in the world today who have nobody at all.

Amanda xx

Diagnosed at 21
No children by choice, but stepmum and now a nana!

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Postby Mooches » Tue May 19, 2009 8:53 pm

This is very nice to read, thanks Grace and Amanda. DH and I have always said that as much as we'd like children we ca also see the positives in not having them. Don't get me wrong, I am struggling to stay positive with TTC at the moment and will be quite gutted if it doesn't work out for us but we'll see what happens, both of us dfeels that adoption is something we may decide to go fo if we can't conceice naturally. Anyway, just wanted to say it's nice to hear your stories. I am and Aunt too and I just love my neice (my sis also has another on the way so I get be an Aunt again! :D ) and DH has 6 neices and nephews on his side so we have lots of children in our lives even if they aren't our own.
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Coming to terms....

Postby PurdeyGirl » Sat Jul 18, 2009 8:54 pm

Grace and the others who have posted here, THANK YOU for such positive postings. DH and I have been through TTC, IVF with ICSI and the adoption process (which we pulled out of earlier this year). We're now coming to terms with being childless. Like all of you, we have Godchildren, but no nieces or nephews because we're both only children. That's what gets to DH - the fact that, one day, we're going to be alone in this world. My philosophy is that this is not a dress rehearsal so enjoy each and every day that you can, as much as you can.

Best wishes
Married for nearly 20 years. Childless and coming to terms with it.

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Postby cheeryblaze » Fri Jul 24, 2009 8:38 pm

That's really heartening and reaffirmig. But my worry niggling awat is I have no children around me, No nieces or nephews. not many friends with children. I think peopel will think I'm a freak for not having any experience of interacting with children. (I worry about growing old and being on my own if anything happens to my OH.) Lots of friends otherwise though.
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Re: Accepting childlessness

Postby mankybecool » Fri Nov 23, 2012 6:24 pm

bless you
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Re: Accepting childlessness

Postby KimsHeart » Mon Nov 26, 2012 3:40 pm

I'm new to this forum - this is my first post and I wanted to jump in right away and say thank you for the positive posts about this issue of childlessness. I'm hoping to one day become positive, but I'm currently struggling to accept what I cannot change.
Kim xx

~he who has a 'why' to live for can bear almost any 'how' ~ Nietzsche
~People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges ~ Anonymous
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