Anyone starting adoption process?

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

Moderators: thebuzz, Northfifer, Sammi, Hols969, DawnyB, purplestar, loachy, Mrs Wilko, Lutzomyia

Postby Hols969 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 6:54 pm

Its not down to your childhood Verve, if you would make a good mum you would make a good mum. Sometimes bad childhood can make you an even better mum. I know often they wont consider you if you are still TTC though.
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Postby Dottywot » Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:54 pm

Tatie - is there any update on things are with you?
Diagnosed - 2002
TTC for 5 years - BFP :) March 2008
Metformin - 23 October 2010
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Postby MsMara » Fri Dec 17, 2010 10:37 am

also interested as to how you're getting on?
The best thing about life is that it's never so bad that it can't get worse.

Trying to lose 6 stone
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Postby hope07 » Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:56 pm

Any updates Tatie? x
7 -1st Trimester M/C's- TTC since Oct 05

Mummy to two beautiful children
1 DS- IVF
1 DD- Natural BFP
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Postby aweeze » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:27 pm

Hi all,
I thought you were all due an update.
Things are going SO well at the moment.
We were approved at panel in December and in the first week of February they came out to us with a potential match.
We both felt really strongly that it was a great match for us so we've proceeded and are due to go to matching panel next week and meet our LO the week after.
It's a little boy, 16 months old.
We've decorated his bedroom, bought most of the equipment and we're making our welcome book at the moment.
We're both so excited but after such a long wait, it feels kind of surreal!
x
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Postby looey82 » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:41 pm

Hi- That's such lovely news. I don't know you at all but it actually brought a tear to my eye. The bit about doing the bedroom up- sounds so lovely. You're going to have a son very soon- that's amazing. Keep us updated. xxxxx
TTC Mar 08
Clomid#1 May 09-BFP- MMC at 9+2wks
Natural BFP- Dec 09! Lost baby girl at 18+5 wks due to pPROM
12 clomid cycles & 2 x FSH injections with IUI- BFNs
IVF#1- 25 eggs, 8 fertilised, 1 back + 4 frosties!
IVF BFP- Clexane & prog injections, low dose steroids & aspirin
Aug 12- DS born at 27+5wks after 10 weeks of problems
TTC#2 Nov 13
Mar 14- FET 1 embryo transfered- BFP- early MC
IVF DD born at 34+4wks Apr 2015
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Postby Auntie Sar » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:47 pm

Aweezw, that is wonderful news.
I hope everything goes perfectly for you and you bring your son home soon xxx
ttc since 2006
Operations and lots of problems
BFP Feb '10 (IUI)
May '10 lost our precious baby to Edwards Syndrome.
Oct '10 can't start IVF as need another operation (with a long waiting list)
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Postby Hols969 » Tue Feb 15, 2011 9:04 am

That is wonderful I agree - how exciting - let us know how it goes.
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Postby Dottywot » Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:14 am

I have goosebumps reading this, so delighted to hear your news.

Keep in touch

KJ xx
Diagnosed - 2002
TTC for 5 years - BFP :) March 2008
Metformin - 23 October 2010
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Postby Gill » Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:13 pm

wow aweeze how exciting!
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Postby fertilitydr » Sun Feb 20, 2011 1:50 am

tatie wrote:Hi Grimbal - what did they say to your about weight? I've always suspected it might be an issue but it hasn't come up yet. Any experience of this issue Sarik? Did you have any health hurdles you had to overcome along the way?

After our initial contact by e mail we had a phone call from a nice lady last week whose main concern seemed to be to make sure we realised that they 'don't do' newborns these days! Luckily we were very aware of that and after answering some fairly broad questions she agreed to send us an information pack. I'd read it within a millisecond of it hitting the mat but DH hasn't quite mustered the time or the courage to look through it yet - he will in his own time I'm sure. Once he has, we have to send a card back to say that we're still interested and then a Social Worker will phone to make an appointment to come and see us at home.

For those who are interested, the questions were roughly the following :

How long ttc and are we over it yet?
Jobs - is one of us working flexibly enough to take six months off to settle a child in and still afford one?
What's our house like?
Who do we have for support - friends and family - how far away etc?
Experience of children generally?
Age groups we would consider and whether we'd be prepared to take on a sibling group?

I guess I should also mention that we contacted Social Services in our own town and they didn't want to speak to us cos all the children on their list need to move away from the city. We are currently talking to Social Services in another town about twelve miles away.

What's next for you? x


Yeah! Thank you!
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Postby Hols969 » Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:26 am

Hi Ladies, just wanted to see how you ladies are doing with adoption.

We had gone down the fostering route (almost a year) only to find out that the fostering panel will only consider people who have 3 dogs and under (we have 5) so we have withdrawn as we have been advised that they have refused other couples with more than 3 (and we have jack russells who dont have a great reputation even tho ours are soppy).

Anyway the adoption process doesnt have the same restrictions on number of dogs so we are now looking to go down this route, but feeling a little apprehensive about it all ......

We dont really know if we want a boy or girl (we want one a few years younger than Noah who is 5 currently but we have been advised it will be a few years) so presume it will be around age 5. Can you leave it open or do you need to make a choice as to the sex of the child you are looking for?

What I really wanted to know is if you get a choice when you come to getting a child. I was adopted as a baby and babies are generally a bit easier so Im slightly concerned with getting a 5 year old and trying to integrate them into our family (I know they will have the same issues as the type of children that are fostered so we are well prepared for that). What happens if you stuggle to bond etc or they dont like us!!
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Postby tatie » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:57 pm

Been dreading writing this but think I need to.

We did adopt two little boys aged 6 and 8 in February. Sadly after six months it had become painfully apparent to everyone concerned that their stories were more complex than anyone understood. The boys went back into care over the summer. Our grief is unimagineable. We knew that this adoption was about as challenging as they come but we beat ourselves up every day. I am so sorry and really do not want to discourage anyone from adopting. My only advice would be to make absolutely sure that you know what you're taking on and that you can handle it. Nobody knew what was going on with our two so it wasn't a case of anyone hiding anything just that the boys had been in care for so long they'd become invisible. We made them visible and everything came out at once and was very distressing for them and us. They feel more secure now they are back in Foster care. That will be soooooo hard for you to understand and only really applies to one of the boys but all he has is his brother so we had to let them both go. Please remember that older children are more complex, boys are often more challenging and we took on two at once. Be careful what you wish for. We always wanted older children and took two by choice. We had no idea how big the challenge could be. Social Services have commended us for trying and don't seem too surprised - they have been very supportive in trying to help us not to blame ourselves too much.
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Postby beaglelady » Wed Oct 26, 2011 8:30 pm

Tatie

I am sorry to read this after all you both went through to get them.

This is one of the reasons my partner doesn't want to go down this route.
had the lot pcos endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids. now in early surgical menopause.
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Postby Hols969 » Thu Oct 27, 2011 7:06 am

Oh no tatie. Rachel had said you had adopted two boys. How very sad for you all. What do you think you are going to do next, has it put you off or will you try again.

I think as you say the social services dont know all about the children and I know when we were looking at fostering they did say things may come out that they probably wouldnt know about.

Poor you. Im very sad that it didnt turn out as you had hoped.
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