Anyone starting adoption process?

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby Cloudyrain » Mon May 21, 2012 5:58 pm

We have looked into adoption in quite a lot of detail Verve and from what I have been told as long as the criminal record isn't crimes against children or physical violence there shouldn't be too much of an issue. They will want the details and will want to know how much contact these people would have with prospective child/ren, but it's nothing to be overly concerned about unless it was very serious crime or child abuse charges x

Edited to add: I have two cousins who have criminal records, and one who has had their own children taken into permanent care. However, I have no contact with either and haven't for about 5 years. I have been told they will explore it and check that what I have said is true about contact levels, but other than that it won't pose an issue x
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby barnsleywiccan » Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:49 pm

After a discussion with colleagues over lunch I have decided for the first time to contact an agency (via e-mail). I am really nervous already, the main part being my job/living arrangements - scared they will decline me because of either one factor!
I work and live full time in a Boarding School in a girls boarding house. (Boarders ages 11-18). I am currently in a one bedroom flat in the school but there are other flats with 2 rooms in them and others have had children living with them whilst working here. My working hours are very good (Mon-Wed 7am-9am then 3:30pm to 10pm) with every Thursday and Friday off plus alternate weekends and the long school holidays! I am wanting to adopt a girl aged 5+ - someone who is in full time education that way I can walk them to a local primary school every day and collect them and then use a childminder Mon-Wed evening. On the alternate weekends I work, I finish at 7pm and it is a very relaxed house so they would be welcome to come and join in at the weekends. I am 30 (31 this year), haven't attempted IVF and won't be now due to my age. The main reason for me wanting to apply NOW is that I know it could take up to 5 years or even longer by which case I will have more than likely gone for a promotion within the school. I am very happy in my job and wish to stay here. It is an excellent sought after school with outstanding GCSE and A level results. The adopted child would automatically qualify for a day pupil place once they reach the age of 11 (it is a State Boarding School so only the Boarders' pay to be here), which would be great as they then would form a group of friends within the area and be able to a) get involved with afterschool activities b) not require a childminder as I am in the building all night so can check on them easily (I would have a childminder from 3:30-10pm Mon-Wed while ever the child is in Primary school age group).
It's very early doors yet but I am scared and excited at the same time. Just want the paper work to come so I can start making enquiries!
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby gemstone83 » Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:12 am

Barneleywiccan just wondering how you were geting on?
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby angels01 » Tue May 27, 2014 9:05 am

Hi all,

I have read through this thread from beginning to end and must say I have enjoyed reading the experiences people have been through and were starting.

Is there anyone out there who since this post was last active have started and/gone through the adoption process?

Tatie - if your still active on this forum did you adopt again?

I have began doing some light reading on adoption / sorrogacy since it's strongly looking like my IUI treatment will not work. Next stage is IVF but I'm looking at the long term just in case. I have two questions from reading through the journey's people have gone through - regarding references.... Is it absolute necessary that references come from friends? And who exactly are references asked from?

The reason why I'm asking is that although I have a lifetime friend I don't believe she will keep my business to herself and is prone to blurt out things to others. I am a very private person and keep myself to myself and don't divulge anything about my personal life to anyone. Not even my own parents know I have been TTC for the past few years!

I am just conscious of people knowing my business and talking about it (which I know they will do) and I don't want any sympathy from anyone once they find out I cannot conceive (I am only one out of the circle of friends I socialise with who does not have children and also the only one in work who doesn't either). I've always given the impression to others that I do not want children as I don't want to talk about it and once people find out I have been trying all this time I know I am going to be bombarded with questions or people "walking on eggshells" so to speak when discussing children / announcing pregnancies.

Any further info that anyone would like to share will also be welcome.

Many thanks
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby Hols969 » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:40 am

The one thing I would say about adoption and fostering is that they delve deep and ask very personal questions. I have been with my hubbie for 21 years (it was about 16 at the time) and they wanted to know about previous partners so I found it very intrusive and unnecessary. Often they will not consider you for adoption until you have decided to stop trying for your own family as well (if it is due to fertility issues).

We were the same as you in that I told people I didn't want children to avoid all the questions but actually once people knew we were trying they were pretty supportive and didn't ask too many in the end.
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby angels01 » Mon Jun 02, 2014 5:56 pm

Hi Hols969

Thanks for your reply. Yes I am aware I have to wait till the end of our TTC journey and then some - I am just looking into the possibilities (if it will be one for us) and that is all.

As for speaking about infertility to family / friends / colleagues that is absolutely out of the question for me :shock: I would never in a million years divulge that information to anyone :-/

I guess there may not be many peeps out there at the mo going through this that are active on the board or wanting to share their experiences or maybe just haven't come across the post to date.

Hopefully someone will come along.....

Angels
Started Clomid June 2011
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Diagnosed PCOS 1997
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby ay.lu » Sun Nov 16, 2014 4:39 pm

Hi

We have the first SW visit on Wednesday for potential adopters.

Been TTC, specialist won't look at me for further work until I lose weight. Lost 10kg and still not enough. Time is running out for me, so DH has agreed to go down this route. Helped by the fact some of his work colleagues have just adopted too.

Nervous for visit, BMI is nowhere near 30, so am now thinking this might be a dead end for us too. :oops: :shock: :roll:
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby Hols969 » Sun Nov 16, 2014 6:20 pm

No I don't think it would be so try not to worry, they are very intrusive but just be honest and I am sure it wont be an issue. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby ay.lu » Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:01 pm

Thanks Hols, will do

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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby ay.lu » Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:31 pm

Initial visit was last night.

Feel it went really well.

Prep course not until May, but I'm glad we're not being rushed, as is OH.

Lots of decisions and questions still to come, but excited about having our own family, finally!

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Re: Anyone starting adoption process?

Postby tatie » Mon Jul 06, 2015 9:36 pm

Hi.

Still here. Not often I admit. We didn't try again. SS did want us to but we had lost the support of some crucial friends who just couldn't get their heads around what had happened. We ended up leaving our jobs and moving away. Was a truly dreadful time. We are now four years down the line. We both have new jobs and have a home we love. Our relationship survived and our families have been so supportive. We will always grieve the loss of our boys but I try to believe that things happen for a reason.

Happy to answer questions but try to keep them simple xXx
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