Please clear

unwillingly childless?

A place where you can discuss adoption and moving on after the TTC journey

Moderators: purplestar, loachy, Mrs Wilko, Lutzomyia, thebuzz, Northfifer, Sammi, Hols969, DawnyB

Postby MsMara » Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:30 pm

funny that hope, i was just writing a rant of my own about that, isnt it ridiculous!!
The best thing about life is that it's never so bad that it can't get worse.

Trying to lose 6 stone
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Location: Bristol

Postby Debbs » Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:55 pm

Hope, I think me and you are in similar situations at the moment. Were both moving onto the last stages in our journeys and scared of the outcomes. I just wish that someone would tell me "You will never have children, move on!" If I can be there for you when your fed up and upset about all this I will be.

Calkarima, Thanks for sharing your story. I like your honesty about it not being easy. All this has confirmed for me that I am going to wait until ICSI is over. The outcome of that will decide for me what is going to happen. I still want to adopt as I want more than one child but patience is something I am going to have to find, somewhere!

Take care ladies
TTC since May/06
Sept/09 ICSI#1 Chem preg
Jan/10 FET#1 BFN
June/10 ICSI#2 BFN
Aug/10 FET#2 BFN
Jan/11 ICSI#3-BFP
NK cells, normal with elevated CD19 & CD5 immunes
Heterozygous+ PAI-1 gene polymorphism
Heterozygous+ MTHFR gene mutation
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Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:55 pm
Location: Wales

Postby Calkarima » Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:27 pm


I agree with you all about the BMI issue. I'm sorry if I've been too honest. The adoption process whilst hard is also quite enlightening because you learn so much about yourself and your partner.

Anyone who can go through infertility treatments and then make the decision to stop has the strength to adopt if thats what they want to do.

Anyone who is interested in adoption I would recommend to get in touch with adoptionuk they are fantastic and I use the board a lot for support and information from other parents.

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Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 1:41 pm

Postby smiler » Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:13 pm

Ive given up on TTC after nearly 6 long years of trying!!! I have tried to accept the fact that im never going to be a mum and not ever have the chance to look after my own child.

My DP has also decided he doesnt want to go down the ivf route as it would put him under too much pressure and also doesnt want to adopt so i guess im going to have to just keep looking after other peoples children!!!

Ive got so depressed with the whole situation now where i cant cope anymore so i have decided the best thing to do is just to give up!!

Sorry for the rant but i am so depressed with it all now and don't really know what to do next, ive been raising children since i was 6 so ive always thought that i would someday be able to look after one of my own. Guess it wasn't meant to be for me!!!
TTC 6 years

Ultrasound 01/08/08 - typical pcos ovaries
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Location: Bedfordshire

Postby MsMara » Thu Jan 29, 2009 9:38 am

Hi honey


Altho im not really in the same position as you, i can feel myself getting there very soon, as my OH seems to be becoming increasingly less interested in anything to do with TTC.

I can't really offer anything to cheer you up as i feel just like you, and don't really know what to do, but want you to know that you're not alone!! XX
The best thing about life is that it's never so bad that it can't get worse.

Trying to lose 6 stone
Posts: 1924
Joined: Sat May 24, 2008 10:59 pm
Location: Bristol

Postby sarik » Thu Jan 29, 2009 6:35 pm

as parents of adopted twin girls i fully understand that it can seem that the adoption process is very intrusive and that social services is unfair and demanding on issues of bmi etc, but i just felt i had to say that children who are being adopted have already experienced a great deal of loss in their short lives and social workers are just trying to ensure that the childs adoptive parents are going to be there for them in the long term. ( yes i know that there are no guarantees )
my experience of social services and the adoption process was very positive, yes it is intrusive and can be frustrating but also enjoyable, and the social workers have both yours and the childs best intrests at heart.
the best way is to be open and honest with the social workers and if you are worried about issues such as bmi just ask them, you will not be the first person to have these concerns and they will be able to let you know exactly where you stand.
sorry if this sound harsh, its not meant to be :)
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Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:09 am

Postby jacjac » Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:29 pm

i know it is utterley disgraceful for anything to be judged on a persons weight / bmi. i have been refused clomid on the nhs due to my weight as 'the primary care trust won't pay for it'...yet my private dr will prescribe it for me. he also works for the PCT in the NHS...and NHS dr suggested an NHS funded gastric band.....i ask you wheres the sense in that :roll: .i actually think its my height thats works against me - :lol: over 6ft, surely me bones weigh more??!!!!!! :lol:

i am considering bringing an equality discrimination case against the PCT to make them sit up and realise.

i am reading alot around being 'child free' not child less and does anyone find themselves comparing the lives of friends who have kids against those who don't ? I do, i guess its me searching for a yardstick - that i can 'see' what life is like in the future without our own kids.

crikey - BFP - EDD 25 Dec 2011 but will be deliverd 2-3 wweks early, fingers crossed for an amazing Christmas 2011.
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Location: ooop north

Postby ScubaGirl » Wed Apr 01, 2009 5:05 pm

How can you say you may not pass requirements? Just go to some info evenings and have a look at, so many little ones just waiting for a lovely mummy and daddy.
Most people can adopt, regardless of marital status, finances, sexual preference, and anyone aged up to 43 can apply.

Good luck!!
PCOS diagnosed age 21, 10 years ago.
On Dianette/Yasmin mostly.
Metformin makes me feel dizzy...
BMI 27
Posts: 29
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:23 pm

I long for a child of my own

Postby autumn1965 » Thu May 07, 2009 1:05 pm

I am 43yrs of age suffered 3 miscarriages when i was with a different partner ,met my husband whom has 2 children 15 and 17 we started to try for our child before we got married and nothing was happening. After we got married. I was still having regularish periods and thought i was ovulating , upon goin to see a gynae we found that i had an annovulatory cycle and pcos and my husband was infertile ..what a shocker as he had 2 kids!.
We considered ICU but my husband didnt want to go ahead with that as it was to invasive , I wasnt offered anything as my husband refused treatment there wasnt anything they could do ..
We considered adoption and made a few enquiries we basically to old , I was overweight, because he had 2 kids we would be bottom of the list and I was told too count myself lucky..I will always long to be a mum as I dont have that special bond with my step children..childlessness wasnt something i ever dreamt would happen to me.
My husband has taken it all in his stride ..I went through a stage of saying he was selfish and blaming him..!
My weight has gone up irregular bleeding or none for months, I am on Citalapram but considering stopping as dont feel any different very hormonal ( Angry , Mood Swings ) Hot flushes , Bladder Weakness they told me not menopausal was on metformin which didnt help, suffer with acne rosacea, and high cholestrol, headaches etc , Drag pain in ovaries and very bad lower back pain. I am considering mirena coil as we cant have kids but iam worried over weight gain any ideas?

Postby baglady5 » Tue May 19, 2009 6:27 pm

Hi autumn1965,im sorry to hear your struggle, i know how you feel. I was diagnosed at 21(30 in august). I had all my tests and when it was husband's turn he made excuses to not do them. I will never forgive him for that. He also has 2 kids so he will never know how it feels to not have kids.He strung me along for years saying he wants kids but would hardly come near me. I gave up 5 years ago when i left him and he said he would change blah blah blah but he never did.i wish didnt come back.
Have you tried yasmin thats ment to be a good pill for us pcos girls.
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Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:05 pm


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