Worried I've got PTSD

[s_x]

Post traumatic stress disorder...

I'm worried that I have got PTSD as I'm finding it hard to cope with the death of my nan two years ago around my 18th birthday. and now my grandad is dying from dementia and pneumonia after refusing to eat. I know its a sign of his body shutting down Its also going to be near my 20th birthday this year if he dies very soon Im struggling to deal with the near death of him too now.

I know me saying that I might have PTSD may sound a little extreme, as most people have PTSD from bad army events etc. But you can get PTSD from losing a loved one and also the reoccurring nightmares link with PTSD.

Anyway, going back to the PTSD... around my nan's cremation two years ago I was having horrible recurring nightmares of the event (nightmares of the cremation over and over). It would be the same nightmare of the cremation for a while. I still have these dreams on and off and nightmares of being back at my nan's house talking or hugging her etc. Also, I sometimes end up crying in the nightmares and wake myself up. I know it sounds kind of crazy, its so difficult to explain. I miss my nan terribly as I was very close to my grandparents, they had a lot to do with my while I was younger too. I talk to my mum about my horrible dreams, as they were my mums parents. She is coping with it fine, may still upset her obviously but not effecting her the way it effects me. She understands that I was very close to them.

I went to the doctors to try and talk about it the other day, but he kind of brushed it off as if it was just a 'childish nightmare' and 'death happens' sort of thing. I really don't see it like that, as I've had these horrible thoughts and dreams for over 2 years now since she passed away.

Around two years ago I got put on Prozac antidepressants because I got really depressed when she died. Just thought I'd add that in somewhere...

My mum thinks I should get referred and talk to someone about this all, as it is having an impact on my life. It gets me very down that day after dreaming such horrible things.

This post is a bit of a jumble really, sorry if it sounds hard to understand or make sense of. I have written a post before about my reoccurring dreams about my nan.

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=32790

I just wish I knew why I was having these thoughts and bad dreams.

Thank you for any replies! Much appreciated.

[emons mum]

so sorry to hear of your situation hun, i would defo advise talking to someone. bereavement is such a hard thing and people cope in different ways. i had experienced my best friend dying and my nan at a young age and dealt with them quite well but when my daughter emon died aged 1 month old, i suffered the same as you and also kept thinking about who would die next and was really scared to get close to anyone. i went to see someone and met up every week and after 6 wks i felt amazing, i realised all my actions was a direct result of the loss and it was completely normal. i learned new ways to reflect on what happened and i havent looked back since. The pain never goes away but with help you can learn to live a near enough normal life once again x good luck hun and please feel free to message if u need help x

[s_x]

Aww thank you for the reply, glad im not the only one. I feel like im going crazy but im not, its just grief. Ill definitely talk to someone. I dont necessarily want a councillor... Id rather have a course of medication. I guess theyd give me antidepressants again.

I have a feeling things will get bad when grandad dies.

The thing that scared me was at the crematorium for my nans cremation. I think thats what the 'traumatic event' was for me.

Im glad you understand, as nobody else does! Well, my mum understands why i find it hard xx

[Andi]

I think antidepresents have there place as a short term measure as they can give your mood a lift, but if I were you I would seriously think about seeing a counsellor as I think it would help you deal with your grief. I think as you have previously had ad's and you are still struggling two years on it would help. I understand some people find it very difficult to discuss their feelings, I find it very difficult but I have had two experiences of counselling the first one not very good but the second time I saw a lovely lady and it was very helpful, I suppose what I am trying to say is you need to see a councillor that you feel comfortable with. Good luck and I hope you can find some peace.

[s_x]

Oh i forgot to say i wasnt on the antidepressants for long, i came off them without telling the doc so i should have finished the course. Thats why i think i should go back on them.

Ok thank you for your help!

[emons mum]

hi again, just wanted to agree with andi, i also had a councillor whom i didnt connect with and they changed the concillor for me. I wasnt happy at first as i thought antidepressants would help (not that i have ever tried them but i had heard good things) but my doctor said through years of experience that depression thru bereavement is helped much more by seeing a councillor as they get to the root of the issue and help u deal with it so please consider this option x good luck, as i said it worked for me and i always remember when i am feeling low how to deal with the situation x good luck hun <3

[s_x]

Thank you both:)
i will talk to someone about seeing a councillor.

My grandad died this morning so i hope can deal with it ok xx

[emons mum]

so sorry to hear that hun and good luck with councillor x

[s_x]

You wouldn't believe what the doctor said when I told him about this all. 'Its just one of those things, death happens to us all'. I was hoping for a better response than that, or a referral to a counciller. I then had a follow up apointment at London hospital to talk about PCOS/Hormones etc and I brought this all up and she said the doctor should have reffered me.

My grandad died the other day, 4 days before my birthday infact Had his cremation this week. I must say, I think Im dealing with it all a lot better than I had thought. I went back to their old bungalow (lots of childhood and other older memories) to scatter both of their ashes. I found it really hard to deal with this, but I think its stopped my bad reoccuring dreams of the cremation/funerals/nan etc. The nightmares I had was of seeing my nan in her house etc and I think going back there has helped a lot.

Im surprised going there helped, I thought it would have made everything worse.