So upset I can't even cry.

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So upset I can't even cry.

Postby Tulip » Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:37 pm

I apologise in advance for this, I just don't know what to do.
My Dad died suddenly in November. It was a huge shock to us all, and I don't think it's properly hit me yet. I feel numb, and still expect him to walk through the door. I'm taking care of my mum and younger siblings at the moment because they're all falling apart, which I don't mind doing because they need me.
Anyway, I was in a relationship for 3 years. My boyfriend was far from perfect; he could be mentally abusive, selfish and arrogant. He broke up with me yesterday, along with a load of abuse that he dishes out when he feels like it. He said I'm weak, desperate and pathetic and I sicken him, so he can't stay with me. He also said that I'll never find anyone as good as him. As bad as it sounds, I love him so much it's killing me. I don't understand how he could do this just after my dad's death and so close to Xmas. I can feel myself cracking up. I don't have any friends because I'm so shy, and I have no one to turn to because everyone's got their own problems. I feel so desperate and I don't know what to do.
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Postby Kasha » Mon Dec 19, 2011 11:42 pm

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it at the moment.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are definitely better off without him. The fact you say he is abusove, arrogamt and selfish and broke up with you using such awful excuses says it all for me. To say such horrible things to you speaks volumes about his personality and i know you say you love him, but you really could do without his negative inflience on your life.

Spend some quality time with your family, as you meed each other so much at the moment, and try and forget this person. You don't deserve to be treated like that so don't for ome second think that you do! You WILL meet somepme else who does deserve your love xx

Sending you lots of love xx
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Postby noodles1609 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 9:25 am

Tulip, I've been there with the bloke. Everything he says to you is actually a reflection on how he feels about himself. He feels inadequate and entirely insecure, and thinks the way to make you love him more is to make you dependent on him. It's probably come out more now cause he can't handle you losing your dad. You could have a degree of sympathy for him, and men like this can change, but in most cases, they don't. If he can recognise his abusive behaviour and the effect it has on you, then there may be a way forward for you both. Only you can know that. He's likely finished it now as he's jealous of your grief, and the love an attention you are giving to your family, so he's hitting out to hurt you in the hope that he can have some of that too. It's selfish and controlling and not healthy for either of you.

I bet you had friends when you started seeing him, it's part of the pattern of behaviour to make you more dependent on him, slowly and surely breaking down your other support networks til you feel you only have him, and that you should be grateful for that.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, I can only imagine your pain, but you do sound positive and strong in the support you are giving to your family. That to me is an indication of your worth, your bloke has managed to chip away at the rest of you. My personal advice would be to bolt that door very firmly behind you, throw away the key and never look back, but that's a decision only you can make.

Take the very best care of you x
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Postby Hols969 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:24 am

I think often people with low self esteem says to others what they should say to themselves as Noodles says, so it is him that is weak and pathetic and he is a TOTAL SH1T especially as your pops has died. You are better off wtihout him as he is making you insecure anyway because of comments he says. You will see in time that he has changed you as well as he has made you shy so you rely on him (this is often done intentionally so that he feels in control and needed.

He is so not worth it and he is so up his own arse to say you wont find anyone as good as him, you will find someone much much better. I feel sorry for his next girlfriend as he will do exactly the same to her and destroy her confidence as well.

I know it will be tough but he will only bring you down so this is a good early xmas pressie in my view.
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