Am I being unreasonable....

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Am I being unreasonable....

Postby Sammi » Fri Oct 14, 2011 5:17 pm

To say I can't justify spending £250 on attending my SIL (OH's sister) hen do? I only see her approx three times a year so we aren't exactly close. I don't know any of the other people going, and I wasn't planning on inviting her on mine!

It's about 400 miles away from me (Newquay) so travel costs, plus a night in a swanky hotel, plus a fancy dress costume, dinner, drinks and club entry all add up. I don't drink either and really detest nightclubs! I sound like such a party pooper lol.

I said I would go originally when I thought it would cost considerably less. To make matter worse OH changed jobs this month from one that was paid in advance, to one paid in arrears, so hasn't be paid anything this month! We are winging it on my salary, and I refuse to dip into my savings for something as non-essential (and non-enjoyable for me).

OH is going on the stag do, which is the same night, in the complete opposite end of the country to where the girls are going (Newcastle). But he is genuinely close to the groom and knows several other blokes going. So I think I was invited on the hen, because he is going on the stag and not
because she genuinely wants me there. I did say 'oh don't invite me, just go
with your friends' (fully what I intend to do). But I still got invited. She said it will be good for me to know peoples names so I can help move people in the photos.:shock:

Am I being tight or should I stick to my guns and say sorry but I have better things to spend my money on at the moment?
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Postby CysterSister90 » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:35 pm

No stick to your guns, tell her you can't afford to due to OH starting his new job and the expense of getting there and staying is just something you just can't afford especially around xmas.

If you know you don't want to go you are doing the right thing. I know it is her wedding but she is turning into a bridezilla !!!
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Postby kate s » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:42 pm

How does OH feel about you not going to his sisters hen do? If he is not that bothered then I would definately stick to my guns. If he is really keen that you go as it is his sister then I maybe would go but I would try to disuade him a little on the basis of the money. It does sound like an expense you could do without and for very little enjoyment on your part.
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Postby Lamb » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:50 pm

If it was me, I'd probably play the money card.. You could just say that you can only afford for one of you to go along to either Stag or Hen, and it makes more sense for it to be your other half, since he knows more of them etc..?

I had a similar thing with my SiL (brother's wife) in that she invited me to her's (I think she felt obliged) and so I knew none of her friends either. They were going pole dancing in the afternoon (please save me!) then on for a meal and then to a horrendous nightclub... Not to mention she wanted us all to wear matching bright pink skin-tight t-shirts with obnoxious names / comments written in huge letters across your boobs. Basically, my idea of absolute hell. Don't get me wrong, if this is your thing then more power to you, but it just gave me the fear! Give me a good pub / comedy night / good restaurant any day though! :)
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Postby georgie76 » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:58 pm

No you're not being unreasonable. It sounds awful. Just say you can't afford it at the moment.
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Postby Sammi » Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:33 pm

Thanks for your replies ladies. I knew I could count on you for honest answers.

I asked OH what he thinks and he said he was surprised she asked me in the first place. Let alone how much it costs as the boys is less than half that as they are staying in a hostel type hotel and taking food with them. He also said he completely understands if I don't want to go as SIL isn't exacty a warm, fuzzy person.

I am definitely invited through obligation and to help with the photos but not for genuine friendship so I don't have anything to lose by not going. Plus the money I save can buy something nice for our wedding instead :)
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Postby kate s » Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:54 pm

Well in that case I definately would make my excuses and not go.
Me - 36 OH - 29
Diagnosed PCOS 2007
ttc Jan 2010
Began weight loss 19th June 2010
SA Jan 2011 good
Lost 7 stone by December 2011
Natural BFP 26/7/11 mc 10 weeks 4 days
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Postby Kasha » Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:57 pm

Stick to your guns sammi :) play the money card as suggested, then you're being truthful with risking offending her.
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Postby Hols969 » Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:23 am

I think sometimes hen/stag dos are so ridiculously expensive. We wouldnt be able to afford it either so I wouldnt lose any sleep over it Sammi.
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Postby Mrs Wilko » Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:42 am

Completely agree - go with your instinct not to attend as you know it'll be really not worth it on an enjoyment level and especially if OH is a bit bemused about you being invited I think you're well within reason to say you're not going..

You've got plenty of reasons not to go - including that of attending and organising your own wedding :) you could say to her that you'd rather not spend that sort of money on a hen do and would rather get a more expensive wedding present for them?
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Postby Verve » Sat Oct 15, 2011 11:01 am

you would be throwing money away and not even having a good time, avoid avoid avoid! x
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Postby sammykins » Tue Oct 18, 2011 7:06 pm

Just seen this - I agree with the other ladies and stick to your guns.

Stag/Hen dos have become as big as the weddings in terms of costs nowadays, and DH and I usually only do either the stag/hen or the wedding, but we certainly cannot afford to do both.

Most dos now are in different cities (if not abroad), with overnight hotel stays, presents, drinking etc, and the costs can be huge.

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