OH sleep talking

[taurus5]

Well i got woken up this morning by my OH saying 'I love you Melissa, I love you' It sounded really heart felt - like he meant it - the problem being Melissa is his sons mother
She has come up a lot in conversation over the past few days because im due to have a baby in 3 weeks time and he doesnt want to be at the birth. Im really upset about this as I would like him there but it hurts all the more because he was there when his son was born (son is 16 now). He wasnt even in a relationship with her until she was 6mths pregnant (son is his but following a one night stand with her).
We have been together for 8yrs and its 12 years since he and Melissa split up. I really dont know what to say or do or even feel about this.

[Sammi]

This is a tough one. And it's a problem if two parts, the sleep talking/Melissa and your OH not wanting to be at the birth.

As for the sleep talking, I wouldnt read too much into it. Your lives are changing big style with the imminent arrival of your baby. Changes in your life can often mean vivid, down right strange dreams. It may be bringing back memories of his sons birth and how he didn't enjoy it (maybe circumstantial because he secretly wished he was doing it with the love of his life and not a one night stand). He might feel guilty that this baby is so wanted, so loved already and it's so different to how his son arrived inthe world. He may be wishing things had been different (not for one second regretting his son). I think all of that will probably make anyone havedreams with strong feelings, and his just happened to be verbalized! Remember it's only a dream and not real life. I have lost count of the times I have 'dream cheated' with some odd people. I always wake up feeling a bit bad, but I know I didn't do anything wrong.

If it's niggling you, and inyour heavily pregnant, hormonal state I can see how it would! I would just explain what happened to him and how it makes you feel. You know he didn't mean it etc. And hopefully it will cue happy words and cuddles to make you feel better.

As for the birth. He obviously has strong feelings about not being there. Did he have a bad experience with his sons birth? Sometimes men can't separate the image of his wife squeezing out a baby of the same parts he makes love to. Maybe this happened last time and contributed to their break up and this is why he is determined for it not to happen with you.

I think men can have the most sensible and heartfelt ideas, they just don't explain and express their feelings as well as we do, which makes us wonder why the hell they say/do somethings. Either way, he is your other half, the daddy of your baby, you need to tell him these feelings because men aren't psychic (unfortunately).

[Constance]

I agree - better tell him what he said and see whether he can rememeber anything. Maybe he was dreaming that she was torturing him to say the words! I get silly dreams sometimes as well, I don't know whether I talk... A couple of nights ago I dreamt I was in love with some handsome guy I have never met in my life and I even met his father in my dream.... dreams can be like films, just a product of imagination, and how many times we wake up and think: thank god it was only a dream! Perhaps he had a dream about their life back then, and whatever he felt in the dream was a dream as well. You can dream to be in love as well, while in fact you are not! It happened to me that I had a dream about life with me ex, and it was completely ok, but then I woke up and thought: might have felt ok, but I'm soooo glad this was only a dream.

As for the birth - did he give you a reason for his decision?

[taurus5]

Thank you for your replys!
Well I spoke to him yesterday and told him what he had said in his sleep - he wasnt bothered by it and just said that he sort of remembered dreaming about when she left him (he got home from work one day to find she had gone) and that he was dreaming about it because we have been talking about it recently - which is true. He has got it into his head that I will do the same thing one day and that he will become attached to the baby then I will move away and he will end up being a part time Dad again.
As for not being at the birth - he said that seeing his son born was the most horrific experience of his life, his ex screamed etc and he couldnt do anything - felt useless and wanted to leave but knew he couldnt. I guess I have this idea in my head that when I have this baby it will be the most amazing experience of my life and I want him to share it with me - and he has the total opposite.

[Constance]

All the best then Taurus, I'm glad you explained it all. Shame about him not joining you, but some men are like this - some even faint, etc . I'm not sure I would like to assist anyone myself! Perhaps look for a birthing partner or a doula. Good luck.