Only child

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Only child

Postby sicily » Thu Jul 16, 2015 7:20 am

Tell me about being an only child or the mum of a single child... It's not by choice but I feel it is the way we are going xx
sicily
 
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Re: Only child

Postby Amber » Thu Jul 16, 2015 8:02 am

What do you want to know? My daugher is an only child and is most likely to always be. I don't really see that as a problem as I intend to make sure she gets plenty of social contact with other children through childcare and making friends.

I had a younger brother but don't get on with him and haven't spoken to him in years so I don't think having siblings is essential for wellbeing. I don't think I would have been unhappy if I had been an only child.
Diagnosed March 09
Lap & Dye Aug 09
6 x Clomid 50mg Ov BFN - 24-26 days
1 x clomid 100mg over stimulated
Cyclogest
IVF 1st round - 2 blasts BFN
Letting thing happen naturally
BFP @ 11 wks - Nov 12 mmc 12 wks
BFP @ 8 wks - 21/05/14 EDD 31/12/14
DD born 03/01/15
Amber
 
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Location: Hertfordshire

Re: Only child

Postby gemstone83 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:04 pm

My husband is an only child as is my grandma. My husband only ever wanted one child as he enjoyed being an only child so much and due to his friends problems with siblings and my own it certainly never made him feel he missed out on anything. In fact quite the opposite it confirmed to him it is best to be an only child.

I always wanted 3 and he agreed begrudgingly but due to circumstances it looks like we will only be having one child and it took me a lot of soul searching to come to terms with that, but honestly my brother really is not easy and although not intentionally, he causes a lot of problems and work for me and I really don't think if I had been any only child I would have lost more than I gained from not having a sibling. My parents would have had more money and I am sure would have taken me to more exciting places and I would have had more life experiences so this would have been a gain but obviously I would not have had to share my parents which reached another life lesson so I would have missed out on that. But overall I think the gains and losses even up so the child is no worse off.

My grandma had three children but I really think this was circumstances and she has often said if she had only had one then it would not have been the end of the world and she would have had more time/money etc and so again as a mother she would have gained just as much as she missed with being mother to an only child rather than three.

I have to say that in both situations it was not through choice my husband or grandma were only children as my husbands sister died at birth and the Second World War got in the way for my great grandparents. But they both came to terms with it.

From reading the other boards I am very sorry for your possible and it is so hard to deal with. I really hope it doesn't turn out the way it's looking at the moment. I am sure your emotions are all over the place and a loss just brings so many questions, thoughts etc to the forefront.

Is there anything in particular you want to know?

Big hugs xxx
TTC since June 2010
August 2011 - Aug 2013 3 first tri miscarriages and a mmc at 12 weeks
Sticky Blood/Hughes Syndrome/APS diagnosed
Lletz November 2012 following abnormal smear
Beautiful baby girl born July 2014 with the help of 150mg aspirin, fragmin, cyclogest, high dose folic acid and a stitch
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gemstone83
 
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Location: Skipton, North Yorkshire

Re: Only child

Postby ma5alababe » Sun Jul 19, 2015 2:54 pm

Sicily {HUGS}- I know that you are going through a tough time. All I would say is please don't make this decision now whilst there is so much turbulence in your life.

I know Im not answering your Q but I have seen 2 different decisions made by those close to me. DH was an only child and he was the main driving force on sticking it out with the IVF and having a sibling for DS. A good friend of mine made the decision NOT to have a 2nd child due to personal medical reasons. It was a hard decision for her as she came from a family of 3 kids but I would say 80% of the time she is content with the decision. I have been with her when she has broken down not because she feels she made the wrong decision, but she feels sorry for her DS being an only child. She always says that when he is older she will explain to DS why he has no siblings and hopefully that won't make him feel so bad..

What is it like to be an only child ??....... I could prob write chapter and verse from what DH has told me. He always feels that he missed out in life. BUT I think part of his feelings are heightened by the fact that his parents are divorced and he was sent to boarding school from 11, hence never experienced family life.

Please take time out now and be kind to yourself XXX
Metformin, clomid and OD- no response
IVF- March '10 BFP- DS born Nov'10
After 8+ cycles of IVF & FET- DD born June '15

Keep strong and believe in yourself !
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Re: Only child

Postby gemstone83 » Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:32 am

Sicily I just wanted to say that you will always get good and bad stories about being an only child. Here are a couple of nice ones that put things far more eloquently than I
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/a-note- ... 84024.html

http://www.babble.com/kid/10-perks-of-h ... ld-herself

There are many more personal experiences and studies to show that being an only child makes happier children.

I think with everything going on you need a little reassurance that should you decide not to carry on ttc that your child will be ok. I can assure you that by asking this question you are a great mum and will make sure your child does not miss out on anything should they be an only child.


Wishing you all the best for tomorrow's scan and if you want to PM me please feel free xxx
TTC since June 2010
August 2011 - Aug 2013 3 first tri miscarriages and a mmc at 12 weeks
Sticky Blood/Hughes Syndrome/APS diagnosed
Lletz November 2012 following abnormal smear
Beautiful baby girl born July 2014 with the help of 150mg aspirin, fragmin, cyclogest, high dose folic acid and a stitch
Image
gemstone83
 
Posts: 1240
Joined: Fri May 29, 2009 10:38 am
Location: Skipton, North Yorkshire

Re: Only child

Postby sicily » Thu Jul 23, 2015 4:12 pm

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and replies xx
I had written a long reply the other day but lost it when submitting!
I'm just a bit exhausted and frustrated that so much of life has been on hold while we ttc #2 and as I'm quite an anxious person it has been rubbing off v visibly on dd. It almost makes me feel I wouldn't cope very well with a newborn and a toddler... Life is otherwise calm and happy for us and she's a bright and happy child. We have other potential exciting life changes happening so I think we will rest and focus on those for now, and perhaps another natural miracle will come our way... And if not we will come to terms with having 1 child. We're both youngest of 3 and have big extended families full of cousins so I guess that is the picture we had in our minds for our family, but life does not always go to plan xx
sicily
 
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Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:51 pm


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