Feeling confused

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Feeling confused

Postby lelly » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:09 am

It has been a long time since I've written on the forum, but always check back every so often to see how people are getting on.

My DD has just turned 4 and my youngest, DS, is almost 2 and I've suddenly started feeling a bit lost and confused. We always dreamed of having two children and I love them so much and I am so grateful to have them. But, i don't know why I can't get the thought of having another out of my head. It's hard to explain but it's not that I desperately want a third baby right now, quite happy with two at the moment honestly, but also can't quite accept that we are finished either.

How did others feel? How did you know when to stop?
I know this might seem a selfish post to some people but I just wanted to know if I was alone in this.
3rd Clomid Cycle - 100mg - Feb 2009 - BFP!!!!!!!!
Due 1st December 2009 - Sofia Elizabeth Cimmino born 7th December
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Surprise natural BFP - May 2011
Due 11th January 2012 - Alexander Angelo born 13th January
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Re: Feeling confused

Postby *~*PINKPIXIE*~* » Mon Dec 30, 2013 10:31 am

You're not alone. DS1 is almost 5, DS2 is 2.5, and I'm feeling a bit unsure too. Some days I'm adamant I want another, I feel there is someone missing, and i cant imagine not doing it all again and having someone in the house with tiny feet; but on other days I think I don't want to go back to newborn madness, my boys both had severe acid reflux, and I've got rid of all newborn and toddler stuff up to age 2 as originally that was the plan. Plus I can give 3 a lot less financially than I can give 2, but 3 would have more in family terms...

We did DTD around the right time this month without protection (assuming I would ovulate, haha) and I can't decide if I would want this to be a miracle or not.

I don't have any answers as I'm grappling with the same thing! Is 3 the new 2?
Miracle #1 - OD, 150mg Clomid, 1500mg Met, Cyclogest
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Miracle #2 - 150mg Clomid, 1500mg Met, HCG injection, Cyclogest, Junior aspirin
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Natural, surprise pregnancy Dec 2015, MMC Jan 2016
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Re: Feeling confused

Postby sammykins » Mon Dec 30, 2013 4:05 pm

Same here!! Eldest just turned 4 and youngest is 14 months old tomorrow. I can't get my head round the fact I won't have another and that my last pregnancy was my last.
I am desperate to be pregnant again and have a newborn, and some days I convince myself I could handle it all. At other times, I think about the implications of having another: not being able to go to part-time working hours, not able to change careers, not able to move house/do improvements to the house etc. I just don't know what to do, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I've been going back and forth for months over this.

You're not alone xx
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Re: Feeling confused

Postby Tinker » Mon Dec 30, 2013 5:51 pm

Hi,
We both always wanted 3 and when i got pregnant naturally I was delighted. However, my Mum was very ill and died half way through that pregnancy and that changed my mind on wanting another. I am early on in my 4th pregnancy but know this is definitely it. I can't wait for my tummy to grow and have another new born but also know I will be getting rid of baby stuff after it has been used which I have never done before.

I hope this helps.
Tinker
Starting 1st cycle of IVF December 07 - BFP Feb 1st
Toby George born 24.09.08
TTC no.2 since April 09
IVF 2 - BFP 16/3/10 - Joel Jacob born 26.11.10
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Re: Feeling confused

Postby espoir » Tue Dec 31, 2013 12:52 am

I have 3 - last ones being twins, and I'm finding it hard putting away the baby clothes knowing they will not be used again :-( Even though I don't enjoy being pregnant, I feel very lucky having 3, and seeing how their personalities develop and are different from each other, as well as the interactions between them. It's lovely. I'd be almost tempted to have a 4th, but financially we cannot manage, and I just couldn't cope being pregnant again (I find it stressful). I think the feelings are normal. However, I'm sure having another would change the dynamic of your family. Sometimes I wonder whether having 2 together is easier or more difficult than having 3 at different ages....
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Re: Feeling confused

Postby *~*PINKPIXIE*~* » Tue Dec 31, 2013 7:49 am

Tinker, I think since we found out my mum was terminally ill that is what's made me think about having another one. Although I don't think I could do the newborn days without her. :-(
Miracle #1 - OD, 150mg Clomid, 1500mg Met, Cyclogest
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Miracle #2 - 150mg Clomid, 1500mg Met, HCG injection, Cyclogest, Junior aspirin
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Natural, surprise pregnancy Dec 2015, MMC Jan 2016
*~*PINKPIXIE*~*
 
Posts: 2716
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:24 pm

Re: Feeling confused

Postby MOLLYCAT » Tue Dec 31, 2013 9:05 am

This has been on my mind too - but am over 40 now so not a good idea really plus all the implications of 3 ie new car, work, no spare room ! I have decided its a phase that some women go through like a grieving for what might have been - my dad has been diagnosed with terminal cancer last month too at the age of 64 - and i think that makes you feel your own mortality and think about family and the future. Mine is not really a decision to make to be honest as DH has said no way (as he is older than me as well and knackered LOL) but just wanted to share that i feel this is a common feeling we go through

I have 2 beautiful girls and although I am content its the thought that i'll never be pregnant again etc that is all a bit sad at times ...
Happy New Year Ladies
I hope it brings all you wish for ! xxxxxx
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Re: Feeling confused

Postby lelly » Fri Jan 03, 2014 4:31 pm

Thanks for all the replies. It is so reassuring to know that I am not alone in feeling this way.

I think Mollycat got it right in that it is more the thought of never being pregnant again or never having the experience of giving birth again that I am pining for. Especially when I seem to be surrounded by friends or family who are all pregnant with either their first or second child - something I very luckily already have! But it still makes me pause and think.

My last pregnancy was somewhat tainted as I had a high risk CUBs result for down syndrome and, after much consideration we decided to wait rather than risk an amnio (risk factors were higher). It meant I didn't enjoy being pregnant as much as the first time around and didn't relish the time bonding with bump. I also was very stressed during the early hours after birth as we waited for results. Fortunately, my son was absolutely fine and we very quickly moved on, but i think it has left me feeling quite dejected at the thought that if that was the very last time I was ever going to carry a child, it wasn't filled with happiness like it should have been.

Thanks again for your support, it was just what i needed.
3rd Clomid Cycle - 100mg - Feb 2009 - BFP!!!!!!!!
Due 1st December 2009 - Sofia Elizabeth Cimmino born 7th December
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Surprise natural BFP - May 2011
Due 11th January 2012 - Alexander Angelo born 13th January
ImageImage
lelly
 
Posts: 277
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2006 12:11 pm
Location: Scotland


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