Single mums support

A place for women with PCOS to talk about Motherhood & Pregnancy

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Postby Verve » Mon Jun 13, 2011 9:22 pm

Devisilsha - your ex is behaving in an abusive manner by threatening self harm. He shouldn't try and control you like this. Good luck x
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Postby kate s » Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:46 am

I completely agree with lenny. You are amazing to be doing this on your own and it will get tough at times but you are doing this for your little boy. In the long run he will be happier and more settled away from the environment he was in when you were together. Your ex is the one who needs to make the effort to see his son and if he doesn't, it is him who is missing out. One of my friends adopted two kids with her now ex husband. When they split up he moved away and over time he sees them less and less (he even got married not long ago and did not have the kids there!!) My friends kids are happy and settled with their mum and her new husband and most the time don't want to go and see their dad as he is still very bitter and very rude about their mum. Just be honest with Charlie about his dad and what happened between you (once he gets older that is) and for the time being stay strong hun because you are doing an amazing job (((hugs))).
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SA Jan 2011 good
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Postby Loula » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:38 am

((((((Hugs)))))))

Just to echo really what the others have said......your an amazing mum with Charlies best interests at heart, i know how hard it is but be proud of how well your doing i know i am.

Smoking drugs will not help your ex in the slightest and will make him more depressed and why would you want your boy around someone like this who is also threatening to harm himself. With regards to money you could get intouch with the CSA. What i would say is keep a log of everytime you speak to him and what he says ie self harm and contact with Charlie etc i think its just a good idea incase you should need future reference!!

AFM- Nothing much has changed here still up and down although i feel at lot less stressed etc and happier most of the time.....i really dont think my ex understands how hard it is to be a single parent on your own. However we are getting on well as friends and he comes over saturdays and sundays and is very generous with regards to money for Jack and even myself!!

I do get lonely when Jack goes to bed and wonder if i will ever meet anyone else or be lucky enough to have anymore children (thats if i can) but then i think im so lucky with what i have that none of that matters apart from my little man!! I need to sort myself out and hopefully shift some weight that should get me on the right path!!

Chin up hun im always here!! xx
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Postby devilisha » Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:07 pm

Hi Ladies,

How are you Loula ????

Things are actually going well here, ex is doing really well and getting himself better and has given up all the drugs and rubbish :D

He has been coming down for the weekends to spend time with Charlie and we are getting on really well.

We are not together though and I have said that I would not move back to our house and away from my family again.

This weekend has been a little strange as he has mentioned a Brother or Sister for Charlie :?
This has really got my emotions going today as I never wanted Charlie to be an only child !!
Have been asking myself if I would want to cope as a single mum of 2 or what it would mean for our relationship ???

All really strange at the moment :?

Caz
xxx
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Postby Loula » Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:56 am

Hey hun! Wow alot to think about? I would take it all extremely slow for now!

Im ok getting on with ex really well but glad not to have all the stress of how we were!! He sees Jack every weekend i still find it hard to trust him even though we are not together and do think he makes excuses some times!

Other than that ive just re-joined weight watchers onlin want to find the old me again will take a while though!! xx
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Postby DawnyB » Mon Jul 11, 2011 11:56 am

Hey ladies. I think you are all doing amazingly well. The first year being single when everything needs to sort itself out and be sorted is the hardest. It does get easier.

Caz, I hope you don't think this is out of turn, but I would be very wary of contemplating a second child with your ex. The mention of siblings sounds like a way to control you again, and to get back into your life. How would you cope with Charlie and a new baby if he were to act the same way all over again? To me, it sounds like he realised that the threats of hurting himself have not made you rush back, so hes trying another tactic.

Loula, well done on joining weight watchers. I am sure you will find a new better you very soon.

Life does honestly get easier, and you will meet someone who deserves you - your amazing ladies. I'm really lucky and have an amazing guy now, who utterly spoils both me and Robert, and is there through thick and thin for me.
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Postby devilisha » Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:46 pm

Hi Ladies,

Its ok, ive gotten over my emotional lapse in sanity !!!!
For a brief moment he had me questioning everything that I am doing and could be doing :roll:
Sometimes I struggle being a single mum of 1, let alone adding another to the mix :?
I would love for Charlie to have a Brother or Sister, but certainly not under these circumstances.

As well as being 24/7 mum to Charlie, I am also trying to run my businesses while Charlie sleeps !!!!!
Also learning to drive and keep the house clean and tidy and shopping and all the mundane daily stuff.......
whatever come over me :shock: :shock: :shock: :lol:

So glad thats things are going well Loula and good luck with the WW.
I really should get myself going with that too :roll:

Dawn, thanks for the glimmer of hope for the future :D

Caz
xx
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Postby DawnyB » Tue Jul 12, 2011 10:09 am

wow Caz, thats a whole lot to take on. Just make sure that you are not just running yourself ragged. Is there any way you can get a little time to yourself?

I'm so glad you didn't think I was out of turn saying that. You need to do whats best for you and wee Charlie just now. Remember your ex is an ex for a reason.

Theres more than a wee glimmer of hope - as anyone who has the misfortune to read my facebook knows, lol - I've found someone amazing, and if it can happen for me in the back end of nowhere in a very small village, then it really can happen for anyone. x
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Postby Loula » Thu Jul 14, 2011 8:00 pm

Its funny because i have been thinking about that sort of thing!! Im feeling a little low tonight and i sit here wondering will i meet someone else???? Im doing well on my own but do wonder if i will be alone now and thats it, or indeed would i want to be with anyone! Also children? I never expected to have any and i got my bundle of joy and do think will ever have the chance for any more although maybe thats selfish because i have one!

Im doing my best and its hard ive done everything for the last 6 months and do feel though i dont know if what im doing is right. I dont seem to get anything done round the flat just bits here and there it really needs a good clean but the little fella wants me in his sight at all times and he only naps for 20 mins here and there.

Sorry for the downer x
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Postby devilisha » Sat Jul 30, 2011 10:07 am

Hi Ladies,

I apologise in advance for this rather me post, but I just need to spill somewhere :cry:

All I wanna do right now is shout, scream and cry. Im not getting any real support from anyone and today I just cant get it out of my head.
My Mum was supposed to have Charlie last night, but she messed her car up and had to have it fixed and then got my lil sister to tell me she couldn't have Charlie.
Now I love my son more than anything, but on the rare occasion my Mum haves him its makes a whole world of difference to me. I actually get a few hours to myself. Which does not happen any other time.
She seems to make light of everything and how hard it can be for me. She is also the most unreliable person I know !!!

I also cannot do a thing when Charlie is awake, even making him dinner is an impossible mission sometimes. As soon as I go to do something, he starts moaning and whining....... which he does lots of.

Ex is coming down today and he knew how stressed I was yesterday, he said he would be leaving early and I found out 20 mins ago that he aint even left yet !!!! Its a good 1.5 hour drive to get here.

Oh well......... :cry: :D

How you doing Loula ??
I often think about meeting someone new, but at the moment I have way to much going on and there is no way I could add a new man into the mix.
I have thought about other children, but to be honest Charlie is such a handful sometimes and the worlds delight other times, that I dont know if I could handle another.

Dawny, Hows you and weeman doing ?

Caz
xxxxxx
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Postby DawnyB » Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:54 pm

How are you doing my beautiful ladies?

Sending much love and hugs your way xxx

(we're doing well thanks :) )
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Postby Loula » Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:40 pm

Just thought I would say hi as not been on for a while....no change really just got back from holiday me and ex took the little man away was lovely had a great time!,

How's everyone?? X
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Re: Single mums support

Postby devilisha » Wed Sep 26, 2012 8:03 pm

Hiya Ladies,

Hows everyone doing ?

We are pretty good. Im having abit of a dilema now though :roll:

We have finally got to the stage where Charlie will be staying at his Dads house, The 1st time was last weekend !
He is going to have him again this weekend until Monday, What am I going to do with myself for 3 nights !!!!!
I felt lost last weekend, but this time is longer.

I am really happy that we have got to this stage, but I wont see Charlie for so long :cry:

What do you girls do ?

Caz x
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Re: Single mums support

Postby DawnyB » Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:00 pm

Get a bit of me time - meet up with your friends, go out to the cinema, the pub, a friends house without having to worry about bedtime curfew!

Plan to do something nice, even if its just a long soak in the bath with some nice smellies!

Do the things you never get the time to do anymore. Some of my favourite weekends when weemans away are simple things like staying in bed all day with a good book! Doesn't need to cost the earth. xx
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Re: Single mums support

Postby BeverleyHaydnJoseph » Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:15 pm

When my Son went for his first overnight stay with his dad I went too, as I was worried. And thats how our son got a little brother!!! so just watch out for that lol.
I used to cry all night every night when he was there (only once a fortnight I'm terrible wuss) and imagine possible bad things happening. But after a while getting some sleep, a bath, housework done, watching tv that I couldn't watch with him around I began to enjoy the time.
Must say he has only stayed once since February but I find there are so many things I would love time to do.
Even down to trying on all my clothes and shoes to sort them out, sorting out toys etc and baking. I recently made some iced cookies for a party and they were such a success I'd love time to perfect them. My son goes mad for them x
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