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A place for women with PCOS to talk about Motherhood & Pregnancy

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Postby Loula » Thu Apr 07, 2011 7:52 pm

Hi Rache things are ok! Im just getting on with things and am enjoying my own company in the evenings sometimes i feel abit lonely but my family think im doing really well! Im not sure how i feel about ex at the moment now hes told me hes moving in with a friend from work for a while.

Im finding sorting out all the benefits etc quite stressful and one of the ladies i spoke to at the jobcentre made me feel rubbish i felt like she was judging me and trying to catch me out!

Im not sure what will happen when my tennancy runs out in 6 months either which is a worry but im enjoying my time alone with my little man :D

Oh and ex came round saturday and fell asleep on my sofa i let him off at first as he has been working late nearly everynight but i dont think the beers he had the night before helped much either :roll: xx
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Postby devilisha » Sat Apr 09, 2011 8:26 am

Thanks Ladies,

Things are ok at the min, We are staying with Dad until the flat is ready.
3 weeks to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel lost and homeless and horrible without our own space, but it wont be for long.

Im absolutely knackered though, Charlie has obviously been abit unsettled and not sleeping great.
I cant remember the last time I sleep past 6am.

Stress levels are too high too, I paid for a Disney trip and was hoping to change the booking so my little sister could come instead of the ex.
But now Disney are saying its not possible to change the name :evil: :evil:
They would rather I cancel the ex fiance part, than just change the name to my sister. Plus if I cancel I lose 35% of the money :evil:

Loula, hope your getting everything sorted ?

Caz xx
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Postby Loula » Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:40 pm

Caz hope your ok hun!? Ive gone from doing really well to absoloute pants today :lol: i know i shouldnt but when i dont hear from ex i send him messages with the hump :roll: . I just get so mad, i ended up in tears on the phone to him today and now im really angry with myself for showing that im so bothered!

We are taking the little man out tomorrow and i feel its going to be so odd between us even though we had a good day out last weekend. He says he still doesnt know what he wants as he has been so busy at work to have time to think which is making me feel that im just waiting and feeling needy if that makes sence. I dont want him to take jack on his own as he is only 14 weeks old and has done nothing for him so i feel he wont know how to look after him properly if that make sence........oh well! x
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Postby devilisha » Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:42 am

Loula I'm going through the exact thing. I thought I was doing ok, but then I had the weekend to myself while Charlie was with Nanny and it just gave me to much time to think. I ended up Phoning my ex and getting upset and then got more upset because I showed him I was upset :?

I'm also getting really annoyed with him that he acts like he is the only one effected by all this. He goes on about how he is on anti depressants but says there not working, but he can't be bothered to make an appointment with the docs. He is still smoking the rubbish, which the doc said he had to stop in order to get better. But no, he is still doing it and wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He never asks how me and Charlie are doing and it's just making me worse.

We are still living at my Dads and not having our own space is adding to the stress. Still 2 weeks to go too :(

All Charlie seems to do with me is moan all the time, no matter what I do.
Then everyone tells me how good and happy he is with them, just makes me feel like crap.

Most days I really have to fight the urge not to breakdown and cry.

Rant and moan over !!!

Hope you had a good day out Loula.

Caz
xx



:( :(
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Postby Loula » Tue Apr 19, 2011 7:53 pm

Hi hun sorry your feeling the strain too! The day out went well was nice actually!......I have had a talk with myself and have decided to get on with my life living it the best i can for myself and Jack what ever happens in the future isnt worth thinking about!

I hope these 2 weeks are going ok for you i can imagine being on your own was hard i cant imagine not having Jack for the weekend! If it happens again i think you should make the most of it watch your favourite film etc read a good book or a new hair cut......we only live once got to make the most of it hun!

As for getting upset im just looking at it as its happened now nothing i can do about it so will just carry on like it didnt happen!

I now have my own bank account (aswell as the joint one) and also a post office account for my benefits just have to transfer it all to my new accounts!

Hope your ok hun! xx
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Postby Trying » Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:55 pm

Cas/Loula - Just wanted to send you some hugs etc.. You're both doing really well in the circumstances so hold your heads up high! x

PS - I was trying to see on facebook if I could suggest you to each other, but can't! But if you have a peek on my friends list I've onlt 1 Cassie & 1 Louise x x
Sam
2010 - PMA beats PMT, TTC & The Blues! It worked BFP on 03/04/10!!!
TTC - June 07
Clomid - 3/4 cycles 09 all BFN
TTC #2 - Dec 2011 (met since May 12, and lots of lbs to lose!!)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/24e4af

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Postby Loula » Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:58 pm

Thanx sam! Cas i will request you! :D xx
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Postby devilisha » Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:45 am

Thanks Sam :D

Loula - so glad you had a good day and hope that maybe you have had some more good days over these holidays.

Charlie and I have been very busy, we have been to the park and funfair, to Old Macdonalds Farm and off to Southend today. Been busy little bees the last few days !!!

Was supposed to be able to move into the flat on Friday, but now the people can't move out until the Monday. That makes things really difficult with us moving in, but ho hum that's just how it is.

We are going to Disney in 2 weeks too, really looking forward to it.

Things are still really strange with my ex, he's not getting any better and he's not doing himself any favours. Not sure when we will see him again.

Caz x x x
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Postby Loula » Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:37 pm

Caz wow you have been busy and i hope you have a great time away! Well we have had a few good days over the holiday untill today! I hardley hear from ex during the week only a text to say morning and a text to give Little man a goodnight kiss!

I did get the hump yesterday as he hadnt let me know what was going on the weekend. Today went ok untill i said i dont think he will come home and im not sure i want him too! He replied just as things are going well i send a moody text message which is true although i didnt do it this week apart from yesterday.....i feel with good reason he should let me know when his coming over the weekend im not a mind reader.

Oh well now i just feel like everythings all over the place again so not good! xx
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Postby Rache » Mon May 16, 2011 9:35 am

How are you doing girls? Hope you're ok x
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Postby Loula » Mon May 16, 2011 7:30 pm

Hi Rach!! Not too bad here could be worse!!......I think out heads are still messed up we have taken the little man on some lovely days out to Brighton etc. We seem to be really good friends at the moment!

I have a cold at the moment so feeling a little bit pants but all good thank you for asking! :D xx
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Postby devilisha » Mon May 16, 2011 8:28 pm

Hi Ladies,

Doing ok here too, Thanks Rache :D

We all moved into the flat now and just settling in. Just come back from Disneyland Paris, which was so fab. Had an excellent time :D
Just need to find a Nursery now :?

I dont really here from the ex now and I dont really phone him anymore and we havent seen him in about 4 weeks.
I know he is not doing great though and has to see a shrink etc, but to be honest its all his own fault and he is not even helping himself.
I am getting quite angry with him now :?

So glad you have had some good days out Loula :D

Caz
xxxx
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Postby Loula » Tue May 17, 2011 8:43 pm

Caz.....glad you had a great time and are settling in to your new place!! :D

Hope you find a nursery soon....do you work? or is it just for a few hours?

Hope you ex sorts him self out :roll: xx
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Postby devilisha » Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:05 pm

Hi Ladies,

How you doing Loula ???

Im really struggling at the moment :cry:
Im trying really hard to juggle everything and working from home and sometimes its just too much.

I am sssssooooooooo angry, mad, upset and pissed off with my ex :evil: :evil: :evil:
He has not been down to see Charlie in months. When we do speak on the phone he never asks how Charlie is :evil:

The phone calls we have had lately are really bad and I cant bear to speak to him.

He phoned me today and said we would not be getting anymore money from him.
He is basically blaming everything on me and saying I took his son from him.
No mention of the fact that he was unbareable to live with since he started smoking drugs and told me that he didnt love
me anymore and prefered it when me and Charlie was not there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then the absolute best bit, he told me he had a bottle of Barcardi and 4 boxes of pills :cry: :cry:
He has tried to do it before. I just dont know how much more I can take from him.
He has seen a doctor and mental health team and been assesed and he says everyone tells him he is fine !!!!!!!!!!!!

How can he even think about doing it, let alone tell me about it.
Ive been so upset all day and all I can think about, is what would I tell Charlie if he did do it :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
How do you tell your Son that his Dad killed himself :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Caz
xxxx
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Postby Lenny1 » Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:35 pm

Devilisha,

I'm not in your position but I work with a lot of people like your Ex, also my sister went through something similar.

From what you have said it sounds like he uses emotional blackmail when he thinks that people are beginning to get on with their life. Unfortunately being a biological father doesn't make him a good person or feel responsibility for his actions. If he were to harm himself then it would not be a reflection on you. Hopefully he will one day recover enough to realise that what you have done is look after his son.

Drugs change people and unfortunately mental health teams dont always necessarily catch the people that need the help.

My sister has had to write off financial help or has managed to get a few pounds through the govt but her ex would lie about his work to avoid paying. She does let him see her daughter but sometimes letting them go for an amount of time is the only way for you to live your life.

I can imagine that it's too much I reguarly think I dont know how my sister and other single mothers cope. I think you are amazing as I do all other single mothers and are creating such a role model for your child someone with great strength and integrity.

Keep going.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
6 m/c
Endometriosis too.
BFP - 15/08/09
BFP - 04/12/10 yikes!
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