Single mums support

A place for women with PCOS to talk about Motherhood & Pregnancy

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Single mums support

Postby DawnyB » Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:52 am

I just thought with some ladies going through the process of becoming/being single mums, that a wee sticky thread with relevent info and support may be helpful.

Its a really scary and upsetting time, and even after the initial split it can be worrying when things happen, so this is a forum to ask anything at all, and hopefully gain a wee bit of support through a traumatic and emotional time.

Dawn
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Postby Loula » Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:26 pm

such a good idea! im in really need the support! xx
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Postby DawnyB » Tue Mar 22, 2011 6:19 pm

Loula wrote:such a good idea! im in really need the support! xx


I'm not really sure what anyone needs to know... but I know the things that puzzled me for the start were...

financial support from my ex - the Child Support Agency http://www.csa.gov.uk/ There are online calculators there to help you work out what you are entitled to - I get 15% of my exes basic and overtime on top, but did mine through a private arrangement done via the solicitor I was seeing for my divorce.

Tax credits and child benefit - http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAnd ... /index.htm Now as far as I can remember, I called the child benefits people, and they helped me with the tax credits stuff, or it may have been the other way round... I don't know about working tax credits because I'm a stay at home mummy, but am sure the info is on there.

You will need to contact your local authority regarding council tax and housing benefits - even if you do work you may still be able to get some housing benefit, and as a solo adult in a house you get a reduction in council tax too.

If you need a solicitor, find out about legal aid to help you - they do not pay for everything, but it does help as you do not have to pay costly legal fees up front.

If you have a low income - theres a really useful and great scheme from the nhs called healthy start - http://www.healthystart.nhs.uk/ - you get vouchers every 4 weeks to help you with the costs of fresh fruit, veggies, milk, formula and free vitamins. Its not a huge amount but every little bit does help. The vouchers are easy to use and can be used in most supermarkets so its not like it limits your shopping choices.


Thats about all I can think of for finances at the moment... if there is anything else you think of, just holler and I will see what I can find out, or what I know (please bear in mind, I'm in scotland so some things may be a wee bit different)

I will try to pop on with useful bits and bobs when I can, but feel free to pm any questions or issues - and if you dont want to be identified as asking, let me know and I will do just post the question and answer without any names.
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Postby devilisha » Tue Mar 22, 2011 7:12 pm

Thanks Dawn :D :D :D

Im still getting my head around it all for now. Although like I said on Loula's post, I wont technically be a single mum for another 5 ish weeks.
Thats when we are moving back to London.

Things are just so rubbish at the moment, I just dont know where to begin.

Although I would really really REALLY love not to have to stay here for another 5 weeks and 3 Days :cry: :cry:
It may be good for Charlie, but its so hard on me being here.

I have even looked into staying at a hotel until the London flat is ready. Tenants are moving out end of April :(

How you doing Loula ???????


Caz
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Postby DawnyB » Tue Mar 22, 2011 7:29 pm

Caz, just start somewhere. To be honest, for a while after I split up, I could not have told you where the start of anything was - there were days I would have struggled to tell you my own name let alone anything else - my entire focus was on weeman, and I was in the position that it was my choice to end my marriage.

I found I just sometimes needed to write stuff down, and get it out - some of it was on here, some as snippets on facebook and some in a journal type book (never organised enough to be a diary!) Often I didn't even want answers, I just needed to get it out of my head.

I know its really hard, but try to make sure that you don't lose who you are in all this. Try to keep up with friendships - I know that may be hard to do with the impending move Caz, but even if its a phonecall to friends, just a little time to be you does wonders.

I'm not sure if its any help, but can you not approach the local authority for emergency housing to get out of the situation and get moved sooner? They may not have anything suitable or available, but try calling them explaining your property wont be ready, but that you need emergency housing to tide you over...?
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Postby purplestar » Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:11 pm

Caz, just out of interest what sort of area in London? I am in east London...
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Postby devilisha » Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:33 pm

Hiya Purple,

I will be moving to Bow - East London :D
All my family are around London.

xx
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Postby devilisha » Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:38 pm

MrsB - Thanks :D
The thing about keeping in contact with friends - They are all in London :D :lol:
I am going to start writing things down though.

I cant really move any quicker, as I work from home and need that time to sort things out too.
Plus we are going to Disneyland Paris the week after we move, so I need to earn as much money as I can at the moment without to much disruption !!!!!!

Should be better next week, as Charlie will be in nursery and I can sort a few things out.

xx
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Postby Rache » Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:10 pm

If any basic legal advice is needed by you lovely ladies, let me know cause I am a divorce lawyer - well I was until I was made redundant last week :lol:
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Postby Loula » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:35 pm

Thanks Dawn thats really helpful Jack is only 11 weeks old so im not working!

I havent started sorting out benefits as its very early days and we are still using our joint bank account!

Caz i know how you feel hun im just keeping busy looking after Jack which helps till i sit down then i feel numb and sick! Dealing with it surprisingly well! He is still living here till the weekend but didnt come home last night and ive just had another phone call to say he will be working late tonight and staying at his boss house as he works in the city! So a bit of space for us!

Rache hopefully wont come to that but nice to know where to come for advice thank you sorry about the redundancy! xx
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Postby DawnyB » Wed Mar 23, 2011 8:00 pm

Loula, get along to your bank and organise your own account asap, it can take some time to set up a new account especially if you want a debit card, so you may need to phone and make an appointment to get that done - and they need heaps of ID stuff now for it all too, so check before you go what you need.

I was kinda lucky in that my ex and I always kept our own bank accounts, but I know a friend of mine whos hubby left her, and cleared the account so she could only get what was "hers" i.e. the child maintenance payments and nothing more - I'm not trying to scare you, but separating does strange things to some people.
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Postby ruby_1985 » Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:32 pm

Hi hun

I agree with Mrs b about sorting out your bank account. If your ex puts a freeze on the account then neither of you can get the money until you come to some agreemnet...provided he hasnt already taken it. I went through a VERY messy break up and lost out on alot.

Also dont bank on the csa getting you money as the are rubbish. Sorry again not to scare you but just the reality of been on your own.

I got working tax credit towards the end but things are changing with tax credits so not sure what the new rules are.

I dont think you will qualify for emergency housing as you have somewhere to live...although not pleasant...and your waiting for accomodation.

Only advice is get a good solicitor I owe everything to mine and I can not thank her enough for what she has done for me. I told her she was my angel.

Hopefully things will go smoother for you but dont be surprised if your ex starts to play dirty. Mine was a nightmare from start to finnish.

Good luck its a horribke time but things do and will get better xxx
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Postby Loula » Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:55 pm

Thanx for that!! I dont think he would do that but i didnt realise about booking appointment etc will get that sorted i think!! xx
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Postby Loula » Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:59 pm

P.s how would i go about tranfering child benefit etc to my new account and stopping it going to the joint account? x
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Postby ruby_1985 » Thu Mar 24, 2011 2:28 pm

HI HUN

Ring the child tax credit and benefit office. Explain the situation and give them your new bank details and it will get trasfered over. The money is paid to the parent with care so you shouldnt have any problems sorting that out.

Id do that asap. Also write a to-do list as there are so many things to sort and its a good feeling when you can cross something off your list.
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