Postnatal Depression

A place for women with PCOS to talk about Motherhood & Pregnancy

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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:04 pm

Can you have a chat with his mum or something - the other thing to suggest is perhaps 'couples counselling', Im not suggesting there is an issue but perhaps there is an issue in how he 'thinks' the relationship should be e.g. like when you didnt have kids, and he needs to be reassured that all men sometimes feel a little alienated when they have kids and 'left out' and this is normal and doesnt mean he isnt love just as much but you have to share it around, like he does with you and the boys as well. I sometimes think it may have been easier to have a girl - daddies girl etc, than boys as Noah does tend to come to me generally and I know Jim can sometimes feel 'resentful' in the nicest possible way!!

Men!! Good luck, you do need to tackle it though as something definately isnt quite right and no it isnt you, he is being unrealistic!!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:30 pm

Thanks Holly pet....I've had chats with him over lunch and I've tried saying to him that he's got nothing else to fill his life with so he's looking to me to fill it but I don't have time to devote to him due to already being over stretched with the boys, house, work etc. All he's saying is what people say is 'normal' doesn't mean it's healthy and that any relationship expert would say we need to invest time in each other....a flower needs water to bloom....which is he is right but he refuses to accept that while the kids are small this is near on impossible to do when you have nobody willing to give you time out to spend time together as a couple. There are a limited number of free hours in the day and how to divide those up fairer I don't know...

I've spoken to his Mum and his sister but they both agree with me that it's hard when the kids are young....but he won't accept it....
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:15 pm

To a degree we probably do all need to make more of an effort in our relationships when kids are here but because most women now work as well and do most of the chores, there is little time and inclination I think. I know Jim would love sex a bit more, but its the last thing on my mind to be honest, 4 hour daily commute etc takes it toil and Im knackered most of the time!! And going to bed the same time as Noah doesnt help, as Im up at 4am!! I think for most, the norm, is not much sex and the relationship does take a back burner for a bit as raising kids, especially when they are toddlers is hard work and most dont have the energy for much else!! Im not too sure what else you can say to be honest!! At least you are talking it through tho, even if it is going around in circles!! Let us know how things go.
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:37 pm

Exactly how I feel pet....when I go to bed I need to sleep nothing else.

I think I might be getting through to him....he's been messaging me saying that he realises our relationship is more about looking after the boys now, which he accepts and that he doesn't want me to do anything. He is simply explaining one of the main reasons for his low self esteem and confidence and he understands that there is nothing more I can give. So I've said to him to find another way of boosting his self esteem through having a life and doing something for him like I do I boost my self esteem by getting my hair done, my nails done....doing fight fit....feeling good in my skin makes me feel good....on top of regular nights out with my friends to laugh and enjoy things I enjoy like gigs and things.

I'm not sure if he's just wallowing in self pity a bit and does all of this for the attention....I've tried explaining to him the older they get the easier it gets as they become less dependent.
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:52 pm

Good, its a start I think, he does need his own interests still and maybe it is a bit of attention seeking as he feels left out a bit!! Keep encouraging him to get active as Im sure that will help mentally and if he is overweight and doesnt like it, that doesnt help mentally too (we all know that part!!)
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby sammykins » Tue Aug 06, 2013 3:56 pm

Would one of your friends be willing to babysit the boys an evening so you both go out for a nice meal?
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 4:39 pm

We go out for meals once a month so it's not like we don't get time together....we've just had a weekend in Windsor 2 weeks ago together....???
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby espoir » Tue Aug 06, 2013 9:16 pm

Hi Steph, sorry to read about this. Just wondering if there were any clubs/activites that your DH would sign up for? After birth of DS1, my OH was very stressed, depressed over weight gain etc and I signed him up for a martial arts class, which helped no end.
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:58 am

Hey hun...he eventually walked in from work at 9.45pm last night and announced he'd signed up for WW online and was going swimming this morning...first positive steps and I'm so pleased that he's listened to me. FC this is the start of him lifting his mood....thx ladies!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 13, 2013 9:09 am

That is good news Steph (didnt see your response last week), has he been going .....
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 13, 2013 8:18 pm

He's doing it online pet and has lost 4.5lb in his first week....he seems much happier in himself...he's been for a swim 3x too. Maybe he just needed that little push....
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby espoir » Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:00 pm

Great news Steph!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:34 am

Yeah made me wonder whether me getting fit and loosing so many inches might have had an effect on his mood....can happen when you see someone losing weight or looking good u feel crap about yourself don't you...but he's jumped on the band wagon now....he's needing A LOT of reassurance and encouragement mind!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Sun Sep 08, 2013 3:53 pm

How's things been going Steph?
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Mon Sep 09, 2013 6:40 am

Absolutely fine pet....he's sticking with WW and lost 9lb so far doing so well and he's been going swimming twice a week. We had a week away in Portugal last week and he was his old self....dunno if it was just a bit of a wobble he had but whatever it was he seems to have gotten over it for now...???
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