Postnatal Depression

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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Doobykat » Mon May 20, 2013 2:36 pm

I've not actually seen much of her tbh, but what I have seen has been enough :|
It's been a manic week, tbh. Erin's been really poorly with an ear, throat (tonsils) & mouth infection & still isn't completely right. Mum had her appointment through for knee surgery on 16th (last week) and the MIL landed in the UK on the 16th too.
So I've been looking after my mum (at her house) & DH took a few days off work to go and meet & greet his mum... & she's been staying at our house instead of my mum's, while she's been recouperating.
Erin didn't respond well to the MIL's arrival at all (secretly smiling behind my hand at this :lol: ) & kept asking DH when I was coming home & if she could go & stay with me instead, so he had a rough weekend trying to comfort/reassure Erin and keep the MIL at arms length away from Erin while things settled down & Erin got to know her a bit.
Anyway, mum has said that she's finally ok to have the MIL stay - she recovered from her knee op a lot quicker than either of us thought she would - and the MIL has reluctantly gone over to my mum's.
But OMFG, the state of our spare room where she's been staying. There's stuff everywhere, you can hardly get in the room... but worst of all is all the used crockery, glassware & half eaten food that she's just left up there :x Am half tempted to leave it all up there till she comes back on Friday, but I honestly don't think I can - it'll all be mouldy by then!!! :roll: :|
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Doobykat » Mon May 20, 2013 2:40 pm

Trying wrote:Dooby, just count slowly in your head the number of days, minutes left before either she leaves or you crack open the emergency machete! xxx


:lol: :lol: I don't think I can.... it's too many days till she leaves (end July) & the machete may well be needed this weekend!! :roll: :lol:
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Mon May 20, 2013 2:54 pm

Omg she had to stay with you .. I do feel for you (and I would smile behind my hand too). Thank god for your ma that's all I can say!!!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Thu May 30, 2013 6:02 am

Better week this week Dooby without the MIL staying in your house? Another week gone, another week closer to her going!!! Hows things going job hunting wise?
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:11 pm

Another few weeks gone Dooby, hope you are surviving ok!!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Doobykat » Mon Jul 29, 2013 4:23 pm

Free again!
For another year or so anyway.
Felt a small twinge of guilt when the MIL was in tears as she left & all I wanted to do was throw a party! :lol:
(But that soon faded, lol)
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Trying » Mon Jul 29, 2013 4:37 pm

Hooray!!! :)
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Mon Jul 29, 2013 6:40 pm

Yey thank god for that, well survived Dooby!!!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 7:05 am

Does anyone have any experience of male postpartum depression?
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 7:36 am

Yes my husband had it!!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 8:03 am

What were his symptoms Holly pet....I've been wondering for a long time if Mark was suffering from something but the baby blues just occurred to me as he seems to have been particularly bad since Harry arrived. I did wonder if it was losing BIL but not sure now....
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 9:09 am

It is just like the baby blues, Jim was never diagnosed by the GP but we talked about it so he thought he would try st johns wort and it helped massively so I do think it was some sort of depression of sorts, life changing event, worried about supporting your family etc, not to mention your partner now not having as much time for you as well, I think he did feel a bit resentful of Noah I have to say as it took my attention away from him. Maybe the BIL death just added to a little niggle that was there anyway. How anti would he be about st johns wort or something.

Let us know how it goes. xx
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 10:05 am

I can mention it.....he's just got such low self esteem and he said it cos I don't pay him enough attention or give him enough affection. I feel like I've got 3 kids vying for my attention at times...I'm not sure what else I can do as things will never be the same as before we had the boys. I found some old pictures last night and showed him it and said look how confident and happy we were there and his reaction was "That's before you stopped telling me you love me"....I tell him everyday....I kiss him good morning, good night, hello and goodbye every single day without fail.....???

He thinks I am abnormal but he expects me to spontaniously give him attention and affection solidly when the boys are not around but then if I devoted all my time to giving him attention when does the washing, cleaning, work etc get done cos he's not around to do any of it????

I've tried talking to him and getting him to see reason but he just can't see past his own needs....and getting him to talk to the doc is just a no go...I just can't see how cuddling someone more or telling them 6 times a day rather than twice a day that you love them can improve self esteem that much.

Should say he's put on a lot of weight too since we had the boys....he binge eats....has no self control over sweet things in the house to the point that I can't buy anything sweet at all cos he'll eat it. He's stopped seeing and speaking to his friends....doesn't do anything himself.....he's stopped walking to work and he tubes it now instead as he hasn't got the energy.....so lots of signs....
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Hols969 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:05 am

oh dear Steph, he sounds like classic depression I think. I have to say, to feel you have to constantly reassure him that you love him would drive me MAD, you are a saint for being so patient I think!! I dont know what to suggest really, Jim was really open about trying the st johns wort but it makes it more tricky if he is less willing to try, its almost as if he feels that the issue is you dont show your affection to him but there is deeper rooted things than that. He needs to up his exercise and you are right to not have any of the sweet stuff in the house as well. I so wish mental health things didnt still have such a stigma but they do and he may feel ashamed about how he is feeling and that it is a sign of weakness. Perhaps you have to take him to see the doctor so he has someone 'medically' trained so say this is what it is and how he can deal with it, there is only so much you can do Steph, he has to see there is an issue. He certainly wont be the first or the last man to feel 'left out' when children come onto the scene thats for sure and its probably why men have affairs so they 'feel' loved..... You could always turn it back at him and say, if you helped me keep the house/kids sorted/in order then we would have more time for each other and then sort of leave it to him to make the effort so then he cannot say 'you dont show me affection'.

A toughy though .... good luck, keep sane!!
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Re: Postnatal Depression

Postby Steph Pet! » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:11 am

It does drive me mad....he thinks it is the answer for everything pet but I know it's not. When I try and talk to him about it he swings it back round to me and we get in the viscous circle again...round and round we go...!

To be fair to him at the weekends he does help but Mon-Fri I might as well be a single Mum...
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