Verity Discussion Board

Sounds like an over the top title but it's how I feel I guess and was hoping for some reassurance I shouldn't book myself into the loony bin as a paranoid evil witch.
My best friend is absolutely lovely but got pregnant without trying and I found the whole thing....lets just say difficult to swallow. On the one hand I was absolutely delighted for her as I knew it was what she wanted. But I had a jealous devil with a pitchfork stabbing in my shoulder saying "when's it going to be my turn?". I found it really hard to see her growing bump and listen to all the talk of swollen boobs and kicking.
Now the little lad is here (my godson) I adore him. Why did I find it so hard to hold him that first time and why did I want to cry for Britain?
I feel so awful when I find parents of young children slightly overbearing in the sense that they are always assuming everyone else wants a baby now, and if not, why not? (Because they have the most precious thing in the world they're besotted with of course!) Oh the irony that I work with kids every day and love every minute of it. What a paradox.

I'm not consciously jealous but at the same time feel slightly bitter that it's going to be a tough journey having had no periods naturally for over 15 years despite trying every possible method. I managed on one occasion to lose over 4 stone with insane amounts of exercise and eating very little - but it's hardly sustainable long term and although I'm bigger than I'd like to be for now, I accept I'm fit and reasonably healthy and it could all be a hell of a lot worse.

Now my best pal's other very close friend is pregnant. Again, I should feel happy for them and please don't get me wrong, I do. It's great. It's their first cycle of IVF and they're blessed to have succeeded so quickly. So why is there a huge lump in my throat as yet another person succeeds in achieving what they deserve?

I'm not actively trying for a baby at the moment and am generally happy with how life is going aside from the usual grumbles. So why does it stab me where it hurts each time I find someone else is pregnant?? Am I the only person who feels like this?
I feel quite confused because I want to be happy for them all and wish them the best as they deserve. There's just a small bit in one small corner of my being stamping it's foot like a petulant child, reminding me of how crap my body is for not being able to achieve something so natural.
I thought I'd finally come to terms with the whole PCOS, never being very slim again thing, but Saturday took me back about 8 years and I cried like a baby and it took me a while to work out why. I'm sure my husband thinks I'm some mad superbroody moo but honest to god as much as I love babies I recognise now isn't quite the time.

If anyone's still conscious reading this far I'm just wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this or if this happens to anyone else?
If not, I'll refer myself to a Psych!

Ax

Hello Evangelion. I was interested to read your post (my reply was wiped off as I sent it so here goes again.) I can remember my mother telling me that my eldest sister was pregnant after only being married a couple of months. My sister couldn't tell me herself.I'd been married 5 years and had undiagnosed PCOS which unbeknown to me was preventing me from becoming pregnant. Of course,I was delighted for her but,like you, wondering "when is it going to be my turn?" She had a lovely baby boy and went on to become pregnant again soon after.My poor mother had the task of telling me again.I always remember the look on her face as she told me the news. But within weeks I could tell them that I too was pregnant at last. I can remember people who I thought I hardly knew coming and congratulating me~it must have been so obvious that I wanted a baby.All your feelings which you've described so well ~finding it hard to hold your godson and wanting "to cry for Britain"~are perfectly understandable. You want something which PCOS is making it difficult for you to have. The incident I've related to you happened 32years ago,but is still vivid in my mind. I had to wait 12 years before I had another baby(still PCOS was undiagnosed) by which time,of course,comments like "Wouldn't you like another baby?" had been made many times.Ooooh!!!! You don't sound like a "paranoid evil witch" nor do you need to "book yourself into a loony bin". I hope I've been able to reassure you and wish you well.

Just noticed this post on another site and the reply which I sent you last night wasn't wiped off~it's printed. Never mind take it as I'm emphasising my advice!!!!!!

my sister has a baby and that has caused me to feel a mixture of emotions. I am trying to get pregnant and so is a close friend and It almost feels like a competition!!! The odd thing is that I'm concerned aobut my own reaction when she eventually announces it (she's health so it wont be long).

Hi ladies, i know how ypu feel. When i was 21 (im 30 now),everyone i saw was pregnant, its like they just sprang up out of the ground in front of me.
Other people just dont underatand how we feel. When my sister in law fell pregnant, all i wanted to do was cry. It wasnt fair ithought(still isnt).
I just try and avoid babies and stuff and tell people i dont want any. Im constantly being told who's having a baby ect, i wish they would stop telling me, and leave me alone. I wish i could live on another planet.